From The Wreckage
by bioticnerfherder
Summary: How does the galaxy rise up against its most trying threat? And afterwards how does it pick up the pieces, from the wreckage, and rebuild? Some ME1 and ME2, but mainly ME3/post-ME3: strays from canon (especially for ME3 ending), main characters/pairing is f!shenko. Rated M for language/violence/themes, art by xandrasketches on tumblr
1. Chapter 1: In The Beginning

**A/N:** **Thank you for giving this fic a chance! This is my first attempt at a Mass Effect fic, because after playing through the trilogy (for the thousandth time) I just couldn't sit still with that ending anymore. This fic will follow my own headcanon ending, which tries to be as canon as possible yet put band-aids over some of my BioWare-inflicted wounds as I see fit. For the purpose of introducing and fleshing out these characters (particularly with regards to this Shepard), these first few chapters will be an introductory series of drabbles throughout ME1 and ME2. I wanted to get through the first two games for background but get to the main juice of the story, ME3 and post-ME3, quickly even though there are key scenes from the first two games necessary to set up this Shepard's character and relationships.**

 **tl;dr - feel free to start at Chapter 5, because Chapter 1-4 are introductory drabbles that take place during ME1/ME2!**

 **Disclaimer: I'm just playing around with these characters that BioWare has all the rights to. fic title from Mass Effect Soundtrack by Jack Wall and Sam Hulick**

* * *

 _Chapter 1.1 – In The Beginning_

Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko picked at the label on his beer bottle, feeling a migraine trying to work its way into the forefront of his brain. Trying to ignore it, he looked up at his drunken crewmembers, gathered around the mess of the brand new _SSV Normandy SR-1_.

The new, state-of-the-art frigate, co-developed with the Turian Hierarchy and partly funded by the Council, was due to depart for its first shakedown run tomorrow evening. The crew had already been assigned and on-board for several days, but their first commanding officer Captain Zander had been removed before their original departure date after an altercation with the Normandy's Turian engineer. Their departure was delayed and the crew received extended shore leave while their new CO, Captain David Anderson, was officially transferred and briefed on their 'routine' shakedown run. At least, that was the official story, as Corporal Richard Jenkins was drunkenly explaining to those gathered in the mess for their last pre-duty night.

"See here," Jenkins slurred. "Last night I was tryin' to chat up this Alliance admin chick down at the mess." He paused to take another swig from his suspiciously coloured drink. "After a few drinks she told me that apparently we're gettin' a Spectre – a damn Spectre! – on board tomorrow to accompany us! That all this delay's got somethin' to do with Anderson tryin' ta bring on a new XO, and the Spectre!" He hiccupped, and then proudly smiled at the curious looks arising from his comrades. "Probably means this isn't no regular shakedown either!"

Kaidan frowned, not nearly as impressed as everyone else. "Jenkins, I'm pretty sure Captain Anderson will reveal that information to us as soon as he's permitted. Don't you think suspecting behind his back is a little unfair to him?" He took a sip from his beer before continuing, smiling mischievously at Jenkins. "Besides, I'm not inclined to believe you unless you've got evidence."

To his surprise, Jenkins bounced up and pointed at him. "Hah! This time I _do_! Our new XO is that uh, that Commander… damn, what was her name? That one they said was the only survivor of the disaster mission on Akuze?"

Another private piped in. "Commander Shepard, I think?"

Jenkins nodded vigorously. "Yeah that was the one! She's probably some old, tough, cold-hearted bitch though... But I'll be the first to admit she's got a damn impressive record to her name!" Jenkins took another sip from his drink before turning back to Kaidan, ignoring Kaidan's pointed frown at his assumptions. "If you can get into her personnel record, you'll see her latest assignment listed as the Normandy!"

Kaidan chuckled, amused at the support Jenkins has rallied in their crewmembers. "Jenkins you know I'm only a Staff Lieutenant, right? I only have access to the records of ranks below me. If this Commander is our new XO, I wouldn't be able to access her file anyway."

Jenkins scoffed. "Come on, nerd, I know you can hack the system. Next shore leave I'll buy you a bottle of real whiskey, the stuff from Earth, not the stuff they brew out here, if you do this!"

Rolling his eyes (and ignoring the chants of ' _Alenko! Alenko!'_ ), he stood up and strolled over to his console, amused when as many crewmembers as possible cram into his tiny station, trying to be the first to look over his shoulders at the results. He could get in trouble for doing this, and he wasn't as good as Jenkins thought he was, but he was good enough to know that all he had to do was fool the system into thinking a higher ranking official was signing in. He was also good enough to know that doing it from an Alliance console on an Alliance ship made it easier to do so (and to hide his tracks).

Before he started, he turned and looked over his shoulders at the people trying to squeeze into his station. "I know Jenkins won't remember this in the morning, so I want each and everyone of you to kindly remind him until he makes good on his promise." The crew cheered, urging Kaidan on.

It's almost too easy; within minutes Kaidan had a personnel file of one Commander Shepard:

AURELIA SHEPARD

RANK: STAFF COMMANDER

SERVICE NO.: 5923-AC-2826

CLASS: N7 OPERATIVE, ADEPT

DOB: 11 APR 2154

POB: EARTH, LOCATION UNKNOWN

ENLISTMENT DATE: 11 APR 2172

NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENTS:

GRADUATED TOP OF CLASS FROM SYSTEMS ALLIANCE N7 PROGRAM

SOLE SURVIVOR OF SQUAD AFTER DEADLY THRESHER MAW ATTACK ON AKUZE

CURRENT ASSIGNMENT: SSV NORMANDY SR-1

FULL SERVICE HISTORY BELOW, CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER:

The first thing Kaidan noticed wasn't her archaic Latin name, which sounded like it belonged more to a Turian than a human. No, the first thing he noticed was her age. She was almost three full years younger than him and yet outranked him twice. Granted, he enlisted a year after her, but the feat was still impressive. "Damn," he muttered under his breath. "She must be a damn good soldier."

The second thing Kaidan noticed was that there was no picture. No Alliance headshot, no recruitment image, no photos of receiving the numerous medals listed in her full service history. Suddenly he felt guilty, intruding on the privacy of this well-established Alliance Commander. He was about to shut the console down when Jenkins slapped him over the shoulder.

"Ah-hah! I knew you could do it! And look here, I was right! Current assignment SSV Normandy!" Jenkins let out a whoop, basking in his victory of being correct.

Frustrated and annoyed at allowing himself to be talked into this, Kaidan shut down the console and edged his way out of his cramped station towards the crew quarters. "That's enough for tonight, folks."

The crew let out a disappointed sound in unison. "Come on, Alenko! We didn't even get to see pictures of the Commander!"

He sighed, already halfway across the mess, and threw a last remark at Jenkins. "Well, you'll just have to wait until tomorrow then, won't you Corporal?"

His sour tone seemed to have subdued the crew, who murmured in agreement and started to scamper off toward their own bunks.

That night he fell asleep with a migraine and dreamt of thresher maws, ancient Roman gladiators wearing N7 armour, and old-fashioned Canadian-brewed whiskey.

The next morning at 0700 hours, Kaidan was already awake and doing tasks on his console when Jenkins stumbled into the mess hall for a glass of water. Catching Jenkins' attention and throwing some painkillers his way, he chuckled quietly at his friend's state.

Jenkins washed the painkillers down eagerly, immediately feeling a little brighter and strolling towards Kaidan's station with renewed confidence.

"Morning, Alenko," he murmured, obviously still regretting the strangely coloured drinks he consumed last night. "What time we setting off today?"

Kaidan smiled, relishing the fact that he got to belay the new orders onto his hung-over friend. "Good morning, Corporal. Just received the new orders – we'll be receiving our new XO at 0900 hours and must be ready to greet the Commander with an appropriate welcoming party." He mischievously savoured the distraught look on Jenkins' face, knowing full well his friend would still be nursing his hangover then. He waited a moment for Jenkins to recover from his initial distress before continuing. "Spectre Nihlus will be arriving on board at 1200 hours, and we'll be departing for Eden Prime at 1300 hours."

The mention of his home planet's name sobered Jenkins up a little. "Eden Prime? Any mention why we're going there?"

Kaidan shook his head, frowning. "Nope, but I assume since this is just the Normandy's maiden voyage that it'll just be a routine trip to test out stealth systems. Maybe we'll get a couple hours' break, maybe you can see your family, Rick."

"I'd like that. Haven't heard from ma in a while, though last I heard pa was working on something big at a new dig site." He shrugged. "But you're probably right, and I should probably get Chakwas to make me feel a little more presentable to our new XO."

Kaidan chuckled to himself again, watching Jenkins' slumped shoulders retreating towards the med bay. "Maybe that'll teach you to drink the night before duty again!" Satisfied with his efforts to tease his friend, Kaidan headed up to the CIC to be briefed by Navigator Pressly.

Pressly instantly assured Kaidan that nothing more than standard BDUs were required for the welcoming party. "I don't think you'll even be needing your armour at all for this mission, Lieutenant," Pressly said, not even looking up from his datapad. "This is just a regular shakedown to test the Normandy's stealth systems, the pilot has already proved the Normandy flies spectacularly." At those words he looked up towards the cockpit, shaking his head. "Moreau's crazy. He's a damn good pilot, but I still want you in the bridge keeping an eye on him until we get to Eden Prime, alright?"

Smiling, Kaidan recalled how Joker got assigned to the Normandy: he'd hijacked her test flight and somehow proved himself to Captain Anderson and the Turian general observing, impressing them enough to forgive his actions and appoint him official pilot. "Joker's a remarkable pilot, if the Turians and Anderson trust him enough to fly this ship then I do too."

Pressly raised an eyebrow at Kaidan, but looked back to his datapad instead of commenting further. "I suppose you're right, Alenko. But I still want you up there. Anyway, I have a few more numbers to run. Go back to the quarters and inform the rest of the crew to prepare for the Commander."

At precisely 0900 hours, Captain Anderson's booming voice leached out of the opening elevator doors, echoing across the marines lined up in the shuttle bay.

"Your new troops are all here, Commander, ready to greet you."

They were arranged by rank, and being Staff Lieutenant meant Kaidan was the last in line (former XO Pressly was up in the CIC, no doubt having greeted the Commander and the Captain at the airlock, and all other non-combatant crew were at their stations). The long line of Alliance soldiers raised their arms to salute in unison, eagerly awaiting their first glimpse of Commander Shepard since Jenkins leaked her arrival last night. Anderson made his way down the short line, introducing the Commander to every marine's name and rank.

Kaidan felt another migraine coming on, and longed to escape for a glass of cold water before it got any worse. He never liked these formal welcoming parties, but he knew Captain Anderson prided himself on being respectful to everyone on his ship. He held up his perfect salute until finally Anderson was in front of him, gesturing to Kaidan with a hand but focused on the woman standing slightly behind Anderson.

Kaidan startled, all thoughts of his looming migraine gone, but held his hand in position. She wasn't at all how he expected her to be (although, really, what did he expect?): she was at least a head shorter than him, strongly built but not burly and not overtly muscular. Her hair was a striking natural golden blonde, which surprised him because naturally light hair was atypical these days. Recessive phenotypic genes had become… well, had become increasingly rare in this day and age, but he could tell the Commander's hair was natural because it looked full and healthy, despite being cropped unevenly to above her shoulders. Her eyes were a soft chestnut brown, framed in large, deep-set almond eyes. A scar cut through her eyebrow and lingered dangerously close to her left eye; Kaidan could tell if it had been any lower she would probably have lost vision in that eye. Her lips were uneven, the lower just faintly thinner than the upper, but she held her mouth in a way that anyone less observant than Kaidan wouldn't be able to tell. She had striking cheekbones and a strong jawline, yet her cheeks were full enough to slightly soften her features and fill out her heart-shaped face. Her expression was still tough, though, and she looked determined but not cold.

"And this here, Commander, is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, one of our finest. Earthborn, just like you."

When she tore her eyes off Anderson and finally looked up at Kaidan, he lowered his arm. "Pleasure to meet you, ma'am."

She nodded, holding out her right hand to shake his. "The pleasure is mine, Lieutenant. Glad to be serving on board this ship with everyone here," she said, gesturing to the rest of the crew with her other hand.

He took her hand, shaking it firmly. The tiniest of sparks passed between them, too small for anyone to notice, but she raised her scarred eyebrow at him and they exchanged a brief knowing glance between them; they were both biotics.

She released his hand and turned around to follow the already retreating Anderson's back before throwing her first command over her shoulder. "At ease, soldiers. As you were."

After she turned, Kaidan could barely make out the tell-tale markings of an implant on her neck, subtly covered by her hair. The scars were much cleaner than his own, and he could already tell she was an L3, not a first-generation L2 like himself.

He was brought back to the present by Jenkins bounding up to him. "Damn, that woman has some _fire_ about her! Did you _see_ her bod?"

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at Jenkins, slightly annoyed by his friend's blatant objectification. "Rick, I don't think you should be openly revealing your thoughts of fraternisation about our new XO to a higher ranking officer."

Jenkins laughed. "Get that stick out of your ass, Alenko. I'm making a joke to my friend. Come on, let's get ready for departure." As they made their way towards the elevator to get to their stations, he added an afterthought. "She probably looks _hella_ good in armour though."

Kaidan rolled his eyes; he was glad the Commander was out of earshot (probably touring engineering with Adams by now) and made his way back upstairs with his friend.

* * *

 _Chapter 1.2 – Eden Prime_

"Thrusters, check. Navigation, check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift... just over 1,500 K."

Kaidan sat in the empty co-pilot's chair next to Joker, feeling unnecessary but right where Pressly wanted him. To bide the time he was pointlessly running a few numbers, still amused that Pressly didn't trust Joker enough yet.

"1,500 is good. Your captain will be pleased." The Turian Spectre, Nihlus, had been in the bridge observing their mass relay jump, but Kaidan heard his footsteps retreating after his comment.

Joker looked over his shoulder, making sure he's gone. "I hate that guy."

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Nihlus gave you a compliment, so… you hate him?"

"You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on your way out of the bathroom? That's good! I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead, so that's incredible!" He paused, unsure of whether to continue, but decided to anyway. "Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him. "You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project, they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

Joker snorted. "Yeah, that is the _official_ story. Only an idiot believes the official story."

A voice joined their discussion. "They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs."

Kaidan startled, unaware that Commander Shepard had joined them in the cockpit. He looked over his shoulder and noticed that she's changed into full N7-striped armour since her arrival on-board.

 _Well,_ he thought to himself. _Jenkins was right about one thing._

Joker and the Commander briefly discussed their doubts of the official story before Anderson's voice echoed around the cockpit, requesting a status report and for Shepard to report for a debriefing.

Shepard crossed her arms and frowned. "He sounded angry. Something must have gone wrong with the mission."

Joker laughed. "He always sounds like that when he's talking to me."

Kaidan smirked and side-eyed Joker. "I can't possibly imagine why."

Shepard raised her eyebrows but didn't question further. " _That_ is a story you'll have to tell me another time. For now, I've gotta go meet Anderson."

Joker and the Commander were right, however, because a few minutes later Joker picked up an emergency transmission from Eden Prime. And a few minutes after that, Shepard ordered Kaidan and Jenkins down to the armoury to suit up.

* * *

 _Chapter 1.3 – First Impressions_

Kaidan anxiously paced in circles around the med-bay, thinking about the day's events. He was sure Chakwas was fed up with him, electing to ignore Kaidan and instead flit between her console and checking Shepard's vital signs. He felt like an idiot; _why_ did he have to get too close to that damn beacon? _Now you've gone and injured your new XO, Alenko_ , he thought. _Good fucking job._

He wanted to stay in the med-bay to make sure she was fine; to make sure he hadn't screwed up and permanently injured the Commander with some weird ancient technology. He'd been here for the better part of fifteen hours, only leaving to change out of his armour and give Anderson his mission report. Everyone else on the ship had already bunked for the night _and_ woken up for the next day, ready for their approach to the Citadel, but Kaidan was still here, reflecting on what happened on Eden Prime.

Kaidan learned a few things down on that planet.

The first was that he never would get that bottle of whiskey from Jenkins.

The second was that he was wrong about Commander Shepard. She wasn't a _good_ soldier; she was an amazing one. The way she didn't miss a beat between releasing a blast of dark energy and shooting down another target, the way she wasn't afraid to use her biotics, the way she tactfully ordered her squad. She was good at staying on her toes, not letting new enemies or surprise attacks get to her. The appearance of Geth didn't deter her, nor did the husk creatures. Kaidan had asked her curiously, while they were on the colony's tram, why she didn't seem surprised. "I once met this Krogan on shore leave, who was drunk enough to be chatty with a 'petty human.' He decided to advise me with the words he lives by: 'if you ever let an enemy catch you by surprise, you've revealed a weakness and you're already dead.'"

The third was that Jenkins was wrong about Commander Shepard. In action, she was professional to the core, but she wasn't cold. When Geth drones took Jenkins down, the way she spoke to Kaidan was both comforting and bolstering; that they would get him a proper burial, but that they needed to finish the mission first so that Jenkins' death was not in vain. She was quick to invite Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams to join them once she heard about Williams' squad, but she didn't expect any less from her until after the beacon was secured, treating her and Kaidan with equal assertiveness that they'd expect from a Commander. Kaidan was pleased, and he was sure that Williams was too, that the Commander trusted them enough not to be distracted by the loss of their friends and squad members. Commander Shepard was nothing but an admirable, passionate soldier who worked well in a position of authority.

The fourth was that Commander Shepard cared deeply about those under her command. When he had tried to inspect the Prothean beacon a little too closely, and gotten pulled in closer by some sort of force field, she had run up behind him without a doubt and pushed him out of the way, getting herself sucked up by the pull.

The Commander stirred, bringing Kaidan out of his train of thought. He called for Doctor Chakwas.

Commander Shepard assured Chakwas that she was alright, that she was having intense dreams but felt physically fine. Kaidan tried to cut in and apologise, but she didsn't let him.

"Lieutenant, don't worry about it. You had no idea it would act that way, there is nothing to apologise for."

He didn't know why, but that remark had him smiling at her shyly. He guessed Shepard spotted his smile out of the corner of her eye, because she turned to him briefly to give him the smallest of smiles and a nod.

Captain Anderson marched in then, requesting to speak to the Commander alone. Having completed his goal of seeing that Shepard was okay, Kaidan backed down and retreated into the mess.

The fifth thing Kaidan learned that day was that despite being professional on the field, Commander Shepard could be just as kind off of it.

* * *

 _Chapter 1.4 – Induction_

"Commander Shepard – step forward. It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel."

"Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle; those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file."

"Spectres are an ideal, a symbol: the embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will."

"Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defence. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold."

"You are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species."

Kaidan's palms felt sweaty, and he wondered if Ashley or the Quarian next to him (Tali, her name was?) could hear his heart pounding. He was witnessing history right here, and he tried to take in every detail, all the minutiae, of the scene. They were standing behind Anderson and Udina, but Kaidan was amazed that he, Ashley and Tali were even allowed in the chamber to witness this: the birth of a new Spectre.

Shepard squared her shoulders and lifted her head higher. "Thank you for this great honour, Councillors. I won't let you down."

The Salarian Councillor added one last thing to their discourse. "You are tasked with tracking down Saren Arterius, former Spectre, and bringing him to justice. You are free to use any means necessary to take him down. Good luck, Commander. Session dismissed."

The group left the main chamber, gathering just outside.

Udina broke the silence first. "Commander, Anderson and I have a few things to discuss. We also have a few leads you might want to chase. Meet us back at the Normandy when you are ready." And with that he and Captain Anderson left them.

Kaidan looked at Shepard to congratulate her, but Tali beat him to it. "Congratulations, Commander! And thank you for let me witnessing such an event! I really owe you so much and I met you only a few hours ago!"

Shepard smiled at her new Quarian friend. "Thank you Tali. And please, you don't need to thank me, I really should be thanking you for giving us the evidence we needed against Saren. I'd be really happy to offer you a spot on my crew if you would consider it."

Though none of them could see the smile behind her mask, they heard it in her voice. "Of course! You won't regret this."

Shepard patted Tali on the shoulder. "Alright, gang, let's get some more weapon mods and upgrades before we head back. We're going to need more tech-based weaponry against the Geth, and I'm hoping you'll advise us on this Tali?"

The group headed together to the markets, chatting all the way. Kaidan and Tali discussed omni-tools and other tech, and whenever Shepard or Ashley complained that they didn't know what the hell Kaidan and Tali were talking about, they explained as best they could. At the markets the group ran into some guy named Conrad Verner claiming to be Shepard's "Number One Fan," who begged her for an autographed photo. They were all a bit weirded out by him but as they continued towards C-Sec headquarters they joked about the experience.

Garrus Vakarian, the C-Sec officer they met earlier, was waiting for them in front of the elevator to the docks. "Commander Shepard. I heard about your Spectre induction, congratulations!" He reached out a taloned-hand to shake her hand.

"Thank you, Officer Vakarian," she said while shaking his talons a little awkwardly.

"Please, just call me Garrus. I actually had a request, and was hoping to join you on your mission to stop Saren. He's bringing dishonour to the Turian name, and I'd like to help you and your crew."

Shepard nodded. "We need all the help we can get. Thank you for the offer, Garrus, and welcome aboard." She gestured to the rest of them. "This is Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. You'll meet the other crewmembers aboard the Normandy. You should also know that the Krogan bounty hunter Urdnot Wrex is also joining us, I hope there won't be a problem between you? I know relations between Krogan and Turian are… fragile."

Garrus shook his head. "That won't be a problem. He passed here earlier on his way to your ship, and we spoke briefly."

"Excellent. Let's head to the Normandy now." The odd ensemble crammed into the elevator to the docks, and Kaidan smiled because it felt a little bit comical. "Williams, will you show our new crewmembers around the ship while I talk to Captain Anderson and Ambassador Udina?"

Ashley looked a bit uneasy, but agreed. "Yes ma'am."

The elevator doors hissed open, revealing Udina and Anderson already waiting for Shepard on the platform.

Shepard turned to look at Kaidan and the others before approaching Udina and Anderson. "LT, I want you to inform Navigator Pressly to start running some pre-flight checks. Crew dismissed."

The group weren't quite through the airlock and heard when Shepard lost her cool. "This is not right, Anderson how can you stand by and let this happen? Udina is _forcing_ your retirement!"

Though they didn't hear the rest of the argument once the airlock sealed shut, Kaidan could tell that Udina had his way when Shepard boarded the ship alone a few moments later.

She was angry, and only XO Pressly had the nerve to talk to her. "Commander?"

She barely glanced at Kaidan and Pressly before entering the cockpit. "Set a course for the Artemis Tau system, Pressly. We have some digging to do."

* * *

 **A/N:** **There is art of Aurelia by xandrasketches on my Mass Effect tumblr if anyone is interested: shepeffect (on the page titled 'Commander Shepard'). Feel free to contact me there, here on FF, or on my main tumblr (url: bioticnerfherder)! Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: Nothing Gold Can Stay

**A/N: Just like last chapter, this is also a series of drabbles to introduce these characters – if you want to skip ME1 and ME2, feel free to continue to Chapter 5!**

 **Disclaimer: just playing around in the beautiful universe BioWare gave us, Chapter 2.6 title from a Robert Frost poem.**

* * *

 _Chapter 2.1 – History_

By the time they left Feros, Kaidan hadn't seen Shepard smiling as often as he'd like.

Shepard had been on the ship for only a handful of weeks, and yet so much had happened. They found Liara T'Soni on Therum, who offered to help them find Saren and her mother. On Feros they destroyed an ancient plant _thing_ under a brainwashed colony. They had even been doing various assignments for Admiral Hackett and the Fifth Fleet.

Kaidan never had a more eventful few weeks in his entire life. He was also content with the chance to work with different species, so that he could learn more about them and teach them about humanity; since the incident with Vrynnus and joining the Alliance, he never really had too much experience with other species. Though Ashley wasn't too happy with the non-human crew at first, she trusted the Commander and was slowly warming up to them.

Still, Kaidan had a good laugh whenever she had… _difficulties_ adapting. A while back Ashley's screams had resounded around the crew quarters when she woke up to Garrus trying to show her some mods he wanted to add to some of her guns (because Garrus could never quite keep still). And after that, Ashley had been talking to Shepard and showing her some of Ash's poetry when Wrex laughed at her and told her human poetry was worse than Salarian poetry. Since _that_ incident Kaidan, Tali and Garrus started reciting Salarian poems they found on the extranet, but all in good humour. Liara sometimes defended Ashley when they did this, because she was too kind-hearted and shy to partake in any of these pranks. Kaidan was pretty sure that Ashley liked Liara the best because of this.

Of course, they were all here for Shepard. Shepard was the one who offered them her hand, offered to work together, and she was the one who eagerly talked to all of them about their species, their planets, their histories, their homes. She was even trying to help Wrex recover his grandfather's armour from a bunch of mercs – how Shepard actually convinced a Krogan to tell her about his family, Kaidan was convinced he would never know. Though she did have a way of getting people to talk to her – it was just _easy_ to fall into even very personal conversation with Shepard.

But he also worried about Shepard, who had doubts cast on her actions by the Council every step of the way. He worried about the weird Prothean technology imprinted on her mind, and the way Liara tried to dig it out (the way she chanted "embrace eternity" sent a chill down his spine). He could tell the Commander was frustrated because it felt like Saren and his Geth were ahead of them every step of the way. He didn't tell her these concerns though, because she'd probably bust his balls for worrying about her.

Still, he enjoyed how she often stopped by his station (since it was right next to her cabin), to discuss missions. Shepard eventually started asking him about his life, and he liked the easy, interesting chats they had.

Kaidan gained the courage to ask Shepard about her own biotics a few days after revealing his past at BAaT.

"You weren't prenatally exposed to eezo?"

Shepard leaned against the wall of his station. "No, actually. I don't remember much from my childhood. All I know is that I was an average street rat, no parents around, and I ended up mixing with the wrong crowd. When I was 14, I was somehow involved with this accident that almost killed me, yet it saved my life at the same time." Frowning, as if the memories were still hazy and difficult to recollect, she reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Anderson found me, in some warehouse on the outskirts of London. As Alliance he had been investigating illegal eezo imports, and that there'd been an explosion there a few days prior. He was amazed I was still alive, what with hitting my head and the eezo exposure."

She shifted her weight from the wall to her right leg, moving her hand to warily rub the spot on her neck where her implant was. "What I do remember is waking up afterwards in the hospital with no memory, no family, and my body glowing blue. When the doctors confirmed that the eezo had given me biotics instead of tumours, I decided not to waste my chance to start anew. Anderson, who visited me in hospital often enough, convinced me to enlist in the Alliance once I got of age. He saw something in me then, and I've been trying to live up to that ever since."

Kaidan could tell that Anderson and Shepard were close, and he could tell Anderson cared about Shepard with paternal-like instincts, but he had no idea how close they actually were. He finally understood why Shepard had felt so guilty about taking the Normandy away from him, and why she'd been so angry at Udina for forcing Anderson's retirement.

A thought hit Kaidan. "So… you weren't born with your name either?"

She smiled, picking up the dog tag around her neck and tracing the engraved letters with her thumb. "The doctors were excited by my blonde hair, and they didn't like the idea of calling me 'Jane Doe.' One of the doctors was Italian and started calling me Aurelia, and it stuck. Most people just call me Shepard, though. Much easier than an old Latin name."

"You came up with Shepard yourself?"

"Yeah, after I decided to join the Alliance. I started reading about humanity's long history with space." She paused, relishing the opportunity to share the story of her infamous surname. "It's cheesy, but I knew that if I joined the Alliance that I, too, would jet off into the stars. I thought the surname of the second human in space was appropriate."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Second? Why second? Why not the first?"

Laughing, she dropped her dog tag and settled her hand on her hip. "Lieutenant, my first name was difficult enough, it got misspelt and mispronounced all the time. I wasn't going to attach another difficult name to myself. 'Shepard' is much shorter and simpler than 'Gagarin.'"

Kaidan let out a chuckle. "Don't I know about my name being misspelt all the time. But 'Shepard'… the name does have a nice ring to it, I'll give you that."

She grinned at him, and Kaidan was pleased that he was the one to put it there. "I appreciate the sentiment, Alenko, but if you're going to try and sass me again I might have to report you for insubordination." She winked at him.

He didn't know where he got the idea from, especially since she just (jokingly) threatened him with insubordination, but he corrected her. "Kaidan, ma'am. You can call me Kaidan. Alenko makes me feel like my father."

She raised her scarred eyebrow at him for a moment, and he was sure he truly pissed her off this time, but she just laughed briefly. "Alright then, Kaidan. But don't think you can get away with calling me just 'Shepard.'" She paused then adds an afterthought. "At least not yet."

She laughed again, then patted him a little _too_ roughly on his shoulder as she turned to leave. "Back to work, _Kaidan_. I've got some reports to file."

He relished the sound of her voice uttering his name.

* * *

 _Chapter 2.2 – Down-time_

The night after they return from Peak 15 on Noveria, the crew took the night off. Shepard decided they'd earned a break, and with no more leads as to Saren's whereabouts she insisted for (more like ordered) everyone to enjoy a free night. Most of the crew had gone for dinner or a drink at Port Hanshan, but Kaidan, Shepard, Ashley, Garrus, Wrex, Liara, and Tali stayed around the mess hall chatting. Shepard had sneakily shown up with supplies from a shop, and suggested they all hang around.

They were still there even long after the rest of the crew had retreated to their sleeper pods.

Kaidan was grateful for some down-time, as they had had an eventful time on Noveria so far. From tiptoeing around Noverian bureaucracy to fighting off Geth, Asari commandos and even Rachni, he agreed with Shepard – the entire crew had earned a night or two off.

Although, unfortunately, at Peak 15 they had also discovered Liara's indoctrinated mother Matriarch Benezia, who begged Shepard and Liara to kill her so that she would be free. When they had returned to the Normandy, Liara had insisted she was fine but excused herself from the usual debriefing session with a pained expression in her eyes. Kaidan suspected their little gathering around the mess was not only for enjoyment, but also for keeping an eye on Liara.

Ashley was _drunk_ , Wrex was complaining that he wasn't, Garrus was engaged in a heated debate with Tali about ship weapons, Kaidan and Shepard were laughing at Ashley and Wrex, while Liara quietly listened to their conversations.

"Skipper I just don't _understand_ why you and the LT here are not hammered right now, you've had almost as much as me!"

"And I think it's a shame you didn't buy Ryncol or something as strong." Wrex huffed. "How am I supposed to have a good time?"

Shepard laughed at her friends. "Ash, it's a little thing called biotics. Faster metabolism."

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Ooh, space magic!"

"And Wrex, you do realise Ryncol is pretty much poisonous to humans? Why would I want to buy that stuff?"

Wrex laughed in response. "That just makes it more _fun_ for you humans!"

Kaidan played along. "Well, Wrex we're docked right now. They might have some stronger stuff at a real bar if you really wanted some."

"Nah, it might not be strong but drinks are tastier when they're free, especially if a _human_ has paid for it."

Garrus stopped debating with Tali to join in. "Or maybe Wrex doesn't want to admit that he actually enjoys our company."

Shepard feigned a gasp. "Or that maybe, just maybe, Wrex actually likes us?"

Garrus, Shepard, Tali and Kaidan laughed. They even managed to get a smile out of Liara.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Who'll be laughing when I don't save your asses from Saren?"

Ashley apparently hadn't caught up with the conversation. "But, I still don't understand what _space magic_ has to do with it."

Liara spoke up for the first time this evening, softly patting Ashley's back. "The use of dark energy takes a toll on the body, Ashley. Just having it coursing through your veins uses up a lot of the natural energy your body produces to function. That's one way it can weaken targets. Controlling biotics is another story, and requires even more energy. People with biotic abilities have a faster metabolism and require more sustenance so their body doesn't succumb to its affects."

"Thank you, Liara… you're so nice." She drunkenly waved her arms to gesture at the rest of the group. "Nicer than these Salarian poets over here… I'm really sorry about your mother."

The rest of the group went silent, unsure of how Liara would react. To their surprise, she smiled at Ashley, continuing to pat her back. "Thank you, Ashley. I'm sorry too, but… she's free now."

The group relaxed, but Ashley just slurred on. "You're also really pretty. You have nice eyes. And you're nice. Have I ever told you that?"

Liara laughed a little. "That's very kind of you, Ashley." A mischievous look flashed across her eyes. "Ashley, please tell me, am I a nice person?"

Ashley did so, and everyone else burst out laughing. "You are all assholes."

"Thank you for agreeing, Ashley, I've been telling you that for weeks!" They turned to see Joker pulling out a chair to join them. "What's happening, gang?"

They fell into easier conversation after that, but Kaidan was barely paying attention. Even in the midst of a dangerous mission, he was enjoying the moment – this odd gathering with his… _friends_? But most of all he was enjoying sitting next to Shepard. He glanced over at her from time to time, and she seemed to be in the same mood: content to listen to the conversation and just savour the moment. He wanted to freeze the image of her in his mind; he has never thought anyone else looked so beautiful, inside and out. Here was a woman who understood him, understood his powers, respected him, and valued his input. One of a kind.

As if she sensed his gaze, she looked over and smiled warmly at him, and Kaidan felt his heart swell and break at the same time.

"And these two jerks aren't even listening to us! Look at them making googly eyes at each other!"

Kaidan startled and looked over at Ashley. "W-what was that Ashley?"

"I was _asking_ you idiots your opinions on this conversation we've been having for ten minutes: tech-based weapons versus biotics versus pure combat." She grinned playfully. "I guess some _things_ are just more interesting?"

Kaidan glanced at Shepard – _is she blushing? Is that red creeping up into her cheeks?_ – but her omni-tool pinged, and she stood up. "Well Chief I'd love to stay and argue for sheer tactic instead of any of those options but I've got an urgent message coming in." She mocked a salute at the group with two fingers before retreating to her cabin. "Catch you guys later."

After she was gone, Ashley turned to Kaidan with her teasing smile again. "Come on, LT. I've seen the way you look at–"

Garrus quickly interrupted her. "This reminds me of that one poem by the great Salarian poet Esheel. I think it was called _Shores of Sur'Kesh_?"

"Oh yes, that one was lovely!" Tali started to recite the poem.

Kaidan glanced at Garrus and nodded his thanks. He shrugged in response.

Ashley deadpanned, obviously not enjoying the poetry. "You torture me."

The group started laughing again but Shepard reappeared with a frown on her face. "Alright gang, sorry, but the party is over. Tomorrow we leave for Virmire."

* * *

 _Chapter 2.3 – Survivor's Guilt_

He couldn't sleep. And as usual when he couldn't sleep, he was pacing around the mess. Since Virmire, every time he closed his eyes he heard Ash's voice.

' _You know it's the right choice, LT.'_

' _But what about you, Ash?'_

' _I knew the dangers coming into this. Don't worry about me.'_

' _Ash, I'm so sorry.'_

' _Go get him, Commander. I'll see you all soon.'_

He knew Shepard was right; he had been with Captain Kirrahe and the other STG troops, and she had wanted to save more than just one person. But he couldn't help the guilt that coursed through his veins, that prevented him from sleeping, that kept him from tasting food. It was the guilt that came with a friend giving their life for yours: survivor's guilt.

Kaidan felt even more bitter that Ash's sacrifice had so far amounted to nothing. As soon as they had gotten back to the Citadel they were grounded, their mission to hunt down Saren cut short. He'd never seen Shepard so despondent.

He had found her struggling with her locker, giving up and collapsing onto the floor with her head in her hands.

"Commander…" he started.

She didn't look up at him. "Don't call me that. I don't deserve it." She sighed. "Look at what I've done. I betrayed Anderson when I took his ship. I left a friend to die on Virmire. I failed on my very first mission as a Spectre, because now I'm grounded." She moved her hands to lock her fingers behind her neck. "I suppose at the very least I saved Wrex's life by convincing him to stand down."

He frowned. "Shepard, none of that was your fault. You didn't fail; you did spectacularly. It's just the Council don't recognise it, and they're idiots for thinking we don't need to go after the Conduit. If Saren gets his way and finds the Conduit and attacks the Citadel, it'll be their issue, not yours."

She smiled sadly. "Thanks for the support, Kaidan, but couldn't you pull out a simple 'it'll be alright' once in a while?"

"It's that simple? Well, okay then. It'll be alright, Shepard." He continued cautiously and reached a hand out to help her up. "But you know, I suppose we could use this downtime to figure a few things out… maybe about us?"

She looked at him then, and he couldn't quite decode what the look in her eyes was.

The mysterious air about her expression suddenly gave him a burst of confidence. "Don't tell me you can't feel it too, Shepard."

She raised an eyebrow at him and took his hand, but she was clumsy getting up. She stumbled into his arms, and they had looked into each other's eyes, leaning in slowly, when Joker interrupted them.

In the present, en route to Ilos after Anderson helped them 'steal' the Normandy, Kaidan couldn't deal with the unknowns anymore and found his feet carrying him into Shepard's cabin.

He felt like an idiot when he opened the door. _What if she's sleeping?_ But his gut was right, because she was bent over some datapads on her desk.

She looked up at him when he entered, a surprised expression on her face. "Shepard, can't sleep either?" He cursed himself. _Real smooth, Alenko…_

She looked back down at the datapads and shook her head. "No… too many anonymous variables. I'm trying to figure out a strategy that won't leave our asses on the line, with Saren _and_ with the Council." She poked at a datapad and pushed aside another. "I've got nothing so far."

He swallowed, suddenly unsure why he came here, or what he was looking to accomplish. "Hah, well. The fate of the galaxy has ended up in the hands of 25 mutineers. Way to go, team Milky Way." She looked up at him then, and he reached up to rub his neck shyly in response. "But Shepard… Commander, I think we've done all we can. There's no way we can be more prepared than we are." He stood up straighter. "I just wanted to say, that no matter what happens out there, it's been an honour serving under you. No one else could have done what you have. You're an incredible leader and I'm proud to be part of your crew."

She approached him slowly, and stopped until she was so close she had to tilt her head up to look into his eyes. "A part of my crew? Is that all?"

Her eyes betrayed her, and Kaidan finally let his guard down. "You're right. I think about losing you and I can't stand it, Shepard. The galaxy will just keep going; everything, even the Reapers will come around again. But you and I… _we_ are important right now. This is what will never happen again. _Us_. You make me feel… human."

Shepard's hand shook as she lifted it up to cup his cheek. "Stay with me tonight, Kaidan. Please."

"Is that an order?" He bit his tongue. _What a thing to say, idiot._ He tried to remedy the damage by smiling innocently.

"Kaidan, you make me feel like I could take on the universe. And, right now, I kind of have to…" She lifted herself up onto her toes, trying to raise herself to his height. "No games. Just you and me, no one else, tonight."

He leaned down, closing the gap between them and bringing his lips to hers. Nothing mattered anymore, not even his own life – all he could think about was _her_.

* * *

 _Chapter 2.4 – Nightmares_

 _Smoke. Rubble. There is a Keeper body nearby, and a Geth 'flashlight' peering out from under a chunk of the Presidium._

 _Kaidan reaches up to rub his forehead, where there is a throbbing ache but not quite a migraine, and his hand comes away with a little blood. Nothing serious, but a Reaper crashing into the Presidium was likely to do some damage._

 _Liara is nearby, and he slowly pulls himself up to give her a hand. 'Where's Shepard?' she asks._

 _They turn around, sifting through bits of rubble to find her. Finally, he spots a tuft of golden hair underneath a chunk of debris, and a hand poking out lifelessly next to it. 'SHEPARD!'_

Kaidan awoke suddenly and noiselessly. The warm body next to him and the hair in his face reminded him it was just a dream, that she was still here, still alive.

He pulled her closer, trying to forget the dream.

It had not quite happened like that in reality; Liara and Kaidan had given up their search when Anderson found them. Just as they were retreating she had emerged from even further back than where they were, limping and bruised but with a triumphant look on her face.

It was exactly that moment that Kaidan realised he had fallen in love with Shepard.

He didn't tell her, though. Not to her face. While the crew have been on shore leave on the Citadel, recovering from their injuries, he was sneaking into her rented room at night. By day they acted civilly – go to their medical check-ups, meet with the rest of the crew to hang out, sometimes she has meetings with the Council and now-Councillor Anderson – but by night, they were something else. They were animals: they craved each other's bodies. They were lovers: they cuddled afterwards and whispered sweet nothings into each other's ears. But most of all they were humans: they ordered food and ate together, they watched vids together, and they talked to each other.

They were due back for duty tomorrow, searching for and clearing out any more Geth that might be outside the Perseus Veil. They were scheduled to start in the Omega Nebula.

Kaidan wished he could stay here with Shepard forever, because he was afraid of what would happen to them once they were back on the Normandy. But for now, he just held her in his arms.

"Shepard, are you awake?" She didn't answer. "I love you."

After he fell back asleep, a quiet whisper responded. "I love you too."

* * *

 _Chapter 2.5 – Alchera_

Kaidan had just left Shepard's quarters for the armoury when the first blast rattled the Normandy.

 _Shit, shit, shit,_ he muttered to himself. He rushed to throw on the first set of armour he pulled out of his locker and ran back upstairs.

They thought they'd have some time, a few moments to themselves, before leaving the Amada System and returning to the Citadel to report to the Council.

"Shepard, I'm pretty sure some of the crew saw me coming in here, and I'm damn sure Chakwas has started becoming suspicious."

She had just laughed and curled her arms around him, and lifted her face up to peck him quickly on the cheek. "I know it was risky asking you to come, but I just _missed_ you. I've been too busy lately."

He sighed and opened his mouth to reply when Joker had – yet again – interrupted their privacy. "Commander, we're getting some strange readings. You might want to see this."

It was Shepard's turn to sigh. "Alright, Joker, I'll be right there." She kissed Kaidan on the lips and released him. "I'm sorry, I'll go check this out."

Kaidan just nodded. "I have to go downstairs to take some inventory, anyway. I'll see you later."

Now here he was, rushing back up to the main deck to find Shepard and make sure she was okay.

He frowned when he realised the armour he pulled on in his haste was the new heavy armour she had gotten for him. He wasn't quite used to it yet and he was clumsy, tripping over things and awkwardly trying to dodge the flames that were starting to engulf the Normandy's interior. On his way he ordered everyone he passed into an escape pod, pausing several times to help crew.

He brought up his comm. "Joker! Status report!"

"It's not looking good, LT!" Joker's voice yelled back. "Shepard's down in the mess trying to get everyone to escape pods and release the emergency beacon. I'm still trying to raise any contact with the Alliance up here in the cockpit!"

"Negative, Joker, you've done your best. Get to an escape pod _now_! I'll get Shepard!"

"With all due respect LT, I'm not giving up on the Normandy just yet. The bastards killed Pressly!"

Kaidan frowned, but knew he couldn't pause to mourn Pressly just yet. "Joker don't be a stubborn ass, get yourself to an escape pod now!"

"Kaidan, just take care of Shepard, I'll take care of the Normandy!"

He gave up for the moment, knowing he'd probably have to go up and drag him into an escape pod himself. But for now, he ran as fast as his clumsy armour would allow him to Shepard.

He caught her just as she put her helmet on. "Shepard! Do you think the Alliance will make it?"

She was pissed – he could hear it in her tone, almost as if their moment of peace earlier hadn't even existed. "They damn well be, I'm not doing this so they can find our bodies floating around in space!"

"Joker's still in the cockpit, he's refusing to abandon ship! I'm not leaving you either."

Shepard tried to put out a fire next to her feet. "Kaidan, get yourself to an escape pod, I'll take care of Joker."

"Not until you're both safe!" He couldn't keep the desperation out of his voice.

She turned to him. "Get yourself to an escape pod, LT. That's an order."

He could feel his heart breaking, but what else could he do when his commanding officer gave him an order? "Aye, aye, ma'am."

He ran to the nearest pod, giving a few crewmembers a hand to get in before climbing in himself.

His face was glued to the window of the escape pod until a last pod jettisoned out from the cockpit right before the Normandy exploded. He released a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

It was a few hours before an Alliance ship arrived to rescue the pods scattered above the icy planet. It was a few hours in which Kaidan tried, in vain, to raise Joker, Shepard, or anyone else on the comm.

He was relieved to find Liara helping him out of his pod once it's been recovered, and Kaidan busied himself with helping Chakwas attend to any injuries.

After at least another hour, Liara ran up to him. "Kaidan! They've recovered the last pod, the one from the cockpit!"

They ran together to the shuttle bay, where they found a group of Alliance soldiers trying to pull a broken-legged Joker out of the last pod. Liara rushed over to the pod, probably intending to help Shepard out, but she froze.

"The pod is… it's empty."

Kaidan's back stiffened. He looked at Joker, who was refusing to meet his eyes.

Joker wiped his nose with the back of his hand, as if he'd been crying. "I… I'm sorry. She's gone."

* * *

 _Chapter 2.6 – Nothing Gold Can Stay_

It felt like Ash's death all over again; survivor's guilt seems to permanently plague Kaidan. Shepard's funeral was arranged within a month. Kaidan begged Anderson, Admiral Hackett, any high-ranking Alliance official who will listen, for more time to search for her but it was no use.

"Son, don't you think this hurts me just as much as you?"

They were in Anderson's lavish Council office. Kaidan could tell that Udina, not Anderson himself, was responsible for outfitting the office. It was a little too extravagant for both Kaidan and Anderson's tastes.

Anderson stood by the window, looking out to the Presidium below.

"But sir, we never found a body. That means that she could still be out there _somewhere_ , we can't give up just yet!"

Anderson sighed, looking at Kaidan straight in the eye. "I know you were close, Alenko. I know this is hard, I loved the woman like my own daughter." He turned away a second too slow; Kaidan glimpsed what might be tears threatening to fall from Anderson's eyes. "I hate having to deal with all this political bullshit. I'm outnumbered on the Council – they're declaring her a martyr of the Citadel. I'm even powerless to stop the Alliance from declaring her killed-in-action. There's nothing I can do, son. I'm sorry."

Anderson moved away from the window and sat back down at his desk. "The funeral is tomorrow. The Council insisted it be here, on the Citadel, so that they can pay their respects in person and so that non-Alliance personnel may attend as well. I hope you'll be there."

But Kaidan didn't go. He couldn't even look Joker in the eye anymore, even though he knew it was unfair to blame him. He caught the next possible transport to Arcturus, messaging a quick goodbye to Garrus, Liara, Tali and Wrex, and an apology to Anderson, from his omni-tool before leaving. He thought if he had to sit through her funeral he might just break down and reveal just how close he and Shepard were.

He spent a few months on Arcturus Station doing odd assignments here and there. It took over a year before Kaidan could even talk about or set foot on the Citadel again. And even when he did, it was at the behest of Anderson.

"Lieutenant Commander Alenko, it's good to see you again. Congratulations on your promotion."

He shook Anderson's hand and remembered the last time he was in his office, hoping Anderson didn't notice his knees shaking before he sat down.

"Thank you, sir. You requested me to come here for some… special missions?"

Anderson nodded. "Yes, there are a few things that need to be done, and I need someone I can trust. I believe that it might even get you promoted again within the next few months."

Kaidan swallowed. "I'd be glad to help you with anything you need, sir."

"I'm happy to hear that. I was sorry that you weren't at the funeral." Kaidan winced, and Anderson eyed him curiously before continuing anyway. "But you weren't the only one. Doctor Liara T'Soni mysteriously went under the radar a few days before the funeral and only reappeared on Illium just recently."

"Huh. I wonder why. She always had an extremely soft spot for the Commander." Even now, Kaidan couldn't bring himself to say her name.

"Doesn't matter anymore. It's all in the past now." _But it's not,_ Kaidan thought. "I'll forward you the information of what I need you to do, and I want you to report back here between every mission."

Kaidan stood up and saluted Anderson. "I won't let you down sir."

He left the office and walked back towards the elevator, but stopped for a moment by the crystalline windows. As he gazed over the Presidium view below, a not-so-distant memory tugged at his brain.

' _Or maybe the Council just doesn't like humans.'_

' _We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want.'_

' _When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you. I mean us! Humans! …Ma'am.'_

'… _You don't take much shore leave, do you, LT?_ '

"No, Ash," he mutters to himself. "No I don't."

He tore his gaze away from the window and headed into the elevator.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	3. Chapter 3: 2185

**A/N: Same drill as the first two chapters, this is also a series of drabbles to introduce these characters – if you want to skip ME1 and ME2, feel free to continue to Chapter 5!**

 **Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect, I just share a deeply emotional bond with their characters.**

* * *

 _Chapter 3.1 – 2185_

 _I am dead._

Aurelia drifted in and out of feeling, going through periods of immense pain and complete numbness. When she felt pain, she felt like her entire body was exploding. She wanted to scream, to rip her skin off, to tear her hair out, anything, anything to stop the pain. When she was numb, she doubted her body ever existed – was there such a thing as reality? Does life truly exist?

 _I am dead._

Benezia lied. She said there was no light. Why then, was only thing Shepard could see a blinding, burning blaze of white? She wanted to close her eyes, to stop the glare, to finally rest, but she could not.

She could not, until a striking cornflower blue replaced the brightness. It took her a few moments to realise that these were eyes.

But she did not know these eyes. She did not recognise them and she started to panic. She tried to scream, but her throat simply burned in response. She panicked even more, she felt the pain returning, but sweet relief started rushing through her fragile body.

She dropped her arm, her eyelids betraying her and shutting of their own accord.

The last thing she heard before finally, finally darkness fell upon her was a woman. "I told you your estimates were off. Run the numbers again. We almost lost her."

She awakened to the same voice yelling at her to get up.

Shepard was on autopilot as she pulls on some strange black-orange pants and shirt, grabbed a pistol and ripped through some mechs trying to kill her. She still felt like she was in a dream when she met Jacob Taylor, who tried to tell her she was dead for two years. _I can't have been dead. I'm here right now, aren't I?_

She only truly woke up when she saw the cornflower blue eyes again, this time in the face of someone named Miranda Lawson, and when she climbed onto a shuttle with these two strangers.

"Is this some kind of a sick joke?" She felt bitter, and she couldn't quite understand why. "I was on the Normandy. I was on my way back to the Citadel. I can't have been dead, otherwise I wouldn't be here now, would I?" She folded her arms defensively across her chest. "And why would I _ever_ be recovering in a Cerberus facility?"

The strangers glanced at each other. The one named Jacob spoke up. "Commander, I understand this might be hard for you. I don't know how Miranda did it, but she brought you back to life. When they carried you in, you were as dead as dead can be. I saw your body myself."

Her stomach fell; perhaps deep down, she really did believe them. She realised she was bitter at the thought of having missed two years of her life.

Blue eyes turned to Shepard. "It's alright if you don't believe us yet, Shepard. Once we're off this shuttle we can give you access to news reports and such, but we ask that you trust us for now. The Illusive Man needs to speak with you urgently. As for the moment, I want to ask you some questions."

Jacob groaned. "Not now, Miranda! The Commander is obviously fine – the fact that she made it through the mechs should be evidence enough."

"Physically, she has done well, but I want to test her memory." Miranda pulled up her omni-tool. "Let's start more recently. During your quest to stop Saren, you encountered his Krogan cloning facility on Virmire. Ashley Williams was killed in action that day, and it was your call. Do you remember that?"

Shepard frowned. _Of course blue eyes started with that_. "I left a friend to day that day and I didn't do it easily. She was fully aware of the situation and sacrificed her life so that a superior ranking officer and a group of STG soldiers could escape. The only justice I could give her was taking down Saren later on the Citadel."

She shuddered as she remembered that day. _'_ _I'll see you all soon.'_

If Miranda noticed how uncomfortable how Aurelia felt, she didn't show it; she just proceeded to ask Shepard about the Normandy, about Akuze, about her pre-service history.

When she got to Shepard's accident, Jacob interrupted her. "Miranda, I think that's enough. I think Shepard has more than proved herself to you."

Miranda pursed her lips. "Very well then." She put away her omni-tool, and the trio sat in silence for the remainder of the journey.

* * *

 _Chapter 3.2 – SR-2_

After Freedom's Progress, Shepard hates herself for agreeing but there was no doubt – the Collectors needed to be stopped. She begrudgingly agreed to work _with_ Cerberus (not _for_ Cerberus) for the time being, telling the Illusive Man she would temporarily put aside her opinions of Cerberus to take down the Collectors.

When she told the Illusive Man she wanted her old crew to assist her, he laughed at her and said they moved on; _he_ wouldsupply her with the dossiers, a ship and a crew. She hoped he didn't see the pain in her eyes when he told her that her friends, her family, had moved on with their lives after her death.

"I _did_ find a pilot you might like. Let's just say that at least one person hasn't quite moved on yet."

"Just like old times, huh Commander?"

She froze; Joker's voice brought her a myriad of emotions. Happiness because he was a familiar face; anger because she was saving his ass when she died; sadness because he was the _only_ familiar face with her right now (Tali had made it clear she was unavailable); but most of all relief because he was alright, and he was here.

They walked together to the docking bay where Joker revealed her new ship. "I took the liberty of naming her already, Commander. Thought there was only one name appropriate."

She smiled for the first time since waking up. "You've never been more right, Joker."

Aurelia was extremely impressed with the Normandy SR-2 – it was bigger, faster, and quieter. Joker's presence comforted her, and she sat with him in the cockpit for so long he almost had to throw her out, telling her she needed to see the rest of the ship. She obliged, walking around each deck slowly and alone, meeting her new crew and brushing off anyone who offered to accompany her tour. She wasn't impolite to these strangers, but they were Cerberus – she wasn't ready to hold them too close.

She found Chakwas in the med-bay and she almost cried with relief, happy that there was at least another familiar face in this sea of strangers. They chatted for a long while, mainly because Shepard wanted to know why Chakwas left the Alliance for Cerberus, but also because Shepard was not willing to retreat into the seclusion of the personal cabin she hadn't seen yet. She was scared of what would happen if she isolated herself behind a closed door.

EDI, the ship's AI, called her out when she walked into the crew's restrooms.

"Commander, would you not prefer your own personal cabin? It is equipped with ensuite restroom. I have also noticed that you have not yet logged into your cabin. Would you not prefer to have a rest before arriving at Omega?"

Shepard sighed. _Well, there's no hiding anymore_. "Err, I'll head up there right now, thank you EDI."

When the door of her cabin opened, she wasn't prepared for the extravagance that assaulted her eyes. "Uh, EDI?"

The response was instantaneous. "Yes, Commander?"

"Why is there a fish tank in my cabin?"

"The Normandy SR-2 is meant to be more of an homage than an exact replica. Cerberus has made significant improvements to the design, including a more spacious personal cabin for commanding officers."

"Yeah, but I don't see why I need a fish tank, a glass wall, and a, uh…" she descended the stairs and eyed the box by her bed. "…a sound system?"

"Commander, Cerberus is not a military operation. The Normandy is classed as a civilian vessel, so its engineers spared no effort in making the commanding officer's personal cabin luxurious. If you wish to purchase decorative items, they may also be displayed on the glass wall above your desk."

Shepard frowned, still unsure. "Well it's a lot more than I'm used to… but thanks for explaining, I guess. Have Joker let me know when we're two hours out from Omega."

"Very well, Commander."

Shepard took a moment to inspect her room. It was brighter than she would have liked, but she was sure that there was probably some setting to dim the lights 'for her comfort.' She climbed the few steps to her desk again and towards the bathroom, suddenly craving a shower to be rid of the haunting feeling of Freedom's Progress. She paused in front of her desk, eyeing the personal console and the models of the SR-1 and SR-2 sitting on the glass wall, when she spotted a familiar face.

She grabbed the frame a little too roughly, causing a small crack in the glass on Kaidan's cheek.

She was absolutely furious. "How did they _know_?!"

She slammed the frame face down on the desk, hearing some glass shatter. Her breathing started to increase rapidly and she ran into the bathroom. She felt sick. How could they know such personal details about her?

The first thing that Shepard could think to do was run into the shower. She didn't know why she thought a hot shower would fix this, why she felt like the hot water could wash away two years.

Feeling the need for air, she tugged on the neck of her shirt with too much force and ended up ripping it in half down her front. She didn't care; she just needed to breathe. Cerberus would have more. She stripped off the rags and stood shirtless in the empty shower, burying her face into her hands and willing herself to take deep breaths.

The only thing she was sure of today was that she looked pathetic right now.

After she regained some calm, she removed the rest of her clothes and started up a hot stream of water, standing under it until her skin begged her to stop. She took the time to inspect herself: she was covered in raw marks; her former honey skin was paler than she would like it to be; she was thinner and not as muscular as she once was; and her hair was too short to cover her implant markings. Miranda had explained that Shepard's hair had to be regrown from her scalp, and that there hadn't been quite enough time for it to grow to its original length. It wasn't short enough to leave her neck completely naked, though, and Shepard was satisfied with at least that.

When she exited the bathroom and saw the overturned frame, Shepard decided she needed some answers. Not pausing to dry herself off, Shepard threw on another _stupid Cerberus_ shirt and pants set, grabbed the frame and marched into Miranda's office.

"How did you _know_?" she threw the frame bitterly onto Miranda's desk.

Unfazed, Miranda did not even bother to look up from her console. "Commander, you were my project for two years. It was my business to know everything about you and your life."

"Yes, I know you know everything about me, but you don't need to bring my _crew_ into this without their consent!" She felt dark energy amassing in her hands, and told herself to calm down.

Miranda sighed. "The two of you weren't as discreet as you thought. Most of your former crew did know, and when we found the holo on your old omni-tool, our suspicions of your… _intimate_ relationship were confirmed."

Shepard crossed her arms defensively. She knew that it was her holo. _Obviously, it was on_ my _omni-tool._ "And you felt the need to place it in my cabin because…?"

Accepting she wouldn't get any work done with Shepard in her office, Miranda pushed away from her desk and walked to the window, looking out with her hands on her hips. "The Illusive Man thought you'd like a touch of home in your new environment."

What she didn't say, but what they both heard, is _'and to remind you what's at stake.'_

Knowing that was all she'd hear about the subject, Shepard considered leaving before joining Miranda at the window. "Miss Lawson, you are obviously a very intelligent woman. Why would you work for an organisation with a reputation like Cerberus? Why not put use your expertise to work for the Alliance, or even the Council?"

Miranda glanced at Shepard as if that were the most ridiculous suggestion she had ever heard. "First of all, Commander, we're going to be working very closely together. I'd prefer it if you called me Miranda." She moved her arms to cross them over her chest, mirroring Aurelia's position. "And to answer your question, well, I enjoy working with Cerberus. Most of the operations you've dealt with or heard of are factions that went rogue without the Illusive Man's consent. Besides, the Illusive Man has a brilliant mind and virtually limitless funding, creating science that the Alliance would never think possible." She looked over at Shepard. "We brought _you_ back, when all the Alliance did was declare you KIA."

Miranda strolled back to her desk, obviously trying to end the conversation. "I might not agree with everything Cerberus does, but the Illusive Man and I share a lot of ideologies, one of them being that the Collectors, and eventually the Reapers, must be stopped."

Shepard swallowed and nodded, moving to exit the office. "Thank you for your… opinion, Miranda."

"I am here to make sure you don't lose sight of the bigger picture just because there's a Cerberus logo in the way." Miranda sat down at her desk. "If you find yourself doubting again, please come and chat with me. Oh, and I'll have the frame fixed and returned to your cabin."

Shepard left the office with a little less trust in Cerberus, but a little more respect for Miranda Lawson.

* * *

 _Chapter 3.3 – Spectre Status Upheld_

Shepard's mood had improved immensely after they found Garrus on Omega.

"You crazy son of a bitch, when did you become a _vigilante_?"

He had simply laughed in response. "You're calling _me_ crazy, when _you_ were _dead_ for two years?"

The Salarian doctor was eccentric, but Shepard enjoyed his company and what he had to say. Mordin was always tinkering with something and working on this project or that. "Trying to determine how scale itch got onto Normandy, sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren. Implications... unpleasant." She went to talk to him often, made a sort of game of it – could she listen to what he said without laughing?

The 'veteran,' Zaeed Massani, was a little extreme for her tastes, but nonetheless he got the job done and even Shepard had to admire that. She did find herself having to put him in his place more often than she should have to, but after Zorya he finally started respecting her – in his own way, of course.

After recruiting the 'psychotic biotic' Jack and releasing the genetically engineered Krogan (Grunt, he wanted to be called) from his tank, she _finally_ was able to travel to the Citadel to see Anderson. She met quickly with the master thief Kasumi Goto before heading alone to the Presidium, meeting C-Sec's Captain Bailey on her way to clear her through security.

Her palms were sweating – she had made sure to wear her armour (though exactly _how_ Cerberus was able to get their hands on N7 armour she didn't know) instead of anything with a Cerberus logo. She didn't know how Anderson would react. What if he rejected her? The man who took her under his wing, who she has known as long as she can remember?

The guards outside ushered her in. "He's expecting you, ma'am." Before she could even say 'thank you,' the office doors opened and sure enough, there he was in his usual pensive stance by the window.

She needed to blink rapidly so that her eyes didn't fill with tears. "Anderson."

He turned to her. "Aurelia." He breezed across the room and hugged her tightly. "It's really you." He broke the hug and took her chin in one hand, lifting it upwards to inspect her face.

Shepard suddenly felt a little self-conscious about the scars on her face and body. "I'm still trying to believe it myself, you know?"

They both laughed and he released her. "Unfortunately we'll have to catch up later, the rest of Council want to speak with you."

Before she could complain, Anderson had already moved to activate the comm. The shapes of Councilor Tevos, Valern and Sparatus appeared in front of her. "Commander Shepard. So the rumours _are_ true."

Shepard tried desperately to remain calm throughout the entire conversation, but very nearly lost it when Sparatus declared they have "dismissed" the "claim" of the Reapers.

She responded through gritted teeth. "But why not inspect any of Sovereign's remains? Surely you can see that the technology is far more advanced than the Geth could achieve."

"Commander, this is beside the point." Tevos completely cut off the argument before it could begin. "We called this meeting today to give you a chance to explain yourself. We owe you that much. But we cannot accept the fact that you are working with Cerberus, an avowed enemy of the Council."

"Councillor, nobody else is willing to investigate these colonies."

"That is also true. Though we are unable to show any public signs of support, we would like to offer to uphold your Spectre status so long as you restrict your activity to Terminus Systems."

Shepard nodded. "Thank you, Councillors."

"Let us hope for a very swift end to your relationship with Cerberus. Good luck with your mission, Commander." The comm cut off.

Anderson looked at Shepard apprehensively. "Well, that could have gone worse."

She shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm not here to make enemies. I'm in a tricky situation and I need all the friends I can get."

Anderson led her to the balcony. "So I've heard. I hear you've been recruiting various people to help you from across the galaxy."

She sniggered. "Well, _someone_ has gotten more resourceful with information these past years. And hell, Anderson, you don't expect me to take on the Collectors by myself, do you?"

He smiled. "No, you're right."

They leaned against the railing on the balcony. "How are you, Anderson? How have these two years been treating you?"

"I'm not gonna lie, Shep." He sighed. "It's been hard. Politics were never my game, and it's hard for me to balance my duties on the Council with my devotion to the Alliance. It's like riding a unicycle."

"If you want out I can always kidnap you with my super-advanced stealth ship."

He laughed at that. "I'll consider it. Though at my age I'm pretty sure I'd be more useful in the backroom than on the frontlines."

They discussed the Alliance, Cerberus, how she's even _alive_.

She finally mustered up the courage to ask. "Sir… where is Staff Lieutenant Alenko?"

"Staff _Commander_ Alenko is fine. He's doing some classified missions at the moment, one that I'm not permitted to disclose to you while you have a partnership with Cerberus."

She wanted to protest when Udina interrupted them. "Anderson, do the words 'political shitstorm' mean nothing to you?"

"What's the matter, Udina? Don't believe in ghosts?"

Anderson frowned at her. "Shepard, there's no need for that." He turned to Udina. "And you, do I have to remind you that _I_ am the Councillor here, not you? The meeting was fine. They upheld her Spectre status as a private gesture of support."

Not wanting to deal with Udina, Shepard made her way to the door. "I should go, I don't think Udina wants me here." She turned before she exited. "We'll keep in touch, Anderson."

"Please do. Keep me updated, especially when your Cerberus ties have been cut. Feel free to visit me anytime."

When she got back to the Normandy, EDI immediately ushered her into the comm room. "Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you."

Aurelia stepped into the comm and braced for the shiver that ran down her spine every time she saw the Illusive Man's eyes.

"Shepard, I heard you had a meeting with Councillor Anderson and the Council. How did that go?"

 _That was quick_. "Surprisingly okay. The Council reinstated my Spectre status, which I suppose will come in handy. I didn't get much else out of it, though."

"And by that you mean you couldn't get the Councillor to tell you where Staff Commander Alenko is currently stationed?"

Shepard nearly choked on her own saliva. "How _dare_ you bring him into this."

" _I'm_ not; you are. I'm mentioning this because we got a tip about the next colony to be hit. A colony on Horizon, in the Iera system, has gone dark. It's the biggest lead we've had and I want you to check it out. And it just so happens that one Kaidan Alenko is currently stationed there under an 'Alliance outreach programme.'"

Her heart started beating rapidly, but Shepard wasn't sure if it was because she might see Kaidan again, or she was worried they would get there too late.

"I'll head there immediately."

"I hope Mordin has an antidote for the seeker swarms ready, or at least works very well under pressure."

Shepard cut off the comm and muttered under her breath. "He'll have something. And we'll be there."

* * *

 _Chapter 3.4 – Horizon_

They arrived on Horizon just in time. The Collectors had already started loading the colonists onto their ship so Shepard, Miranda and Grunt rushed to the GARDIAN towers to disable the ship before it left. Of course, it wasn't easy. The trio had to fight through Collectors, terrifying Scions and even husks, which left no doubt the Collectors were working with the Reapers.

For the first time, Shepard truly appreciated the few changes Miranda made to her body. Her new implant, as Miranda had explained they upgraded her L3 into a proto-type L5x, meant she had more power and finer control over her biotics. And the few weeks of 'recruitment' missions also came in handy, because Shepard felt physically fitter than she did two years ago.

The group fell into a pattern: Shepard sent out shockwaves or singularities to disorient Collectors and husks, Grunt finished the fallen enemies up-close where he was best, while Miranda and Shepard threw Warps at the Scions to cover him. Shepard was a little terrified when several times a Collector drone started glowing and talking directly _to_ her ( _how do they know who I am?_ ), but she remembered the old Krogan's words of wisdom and didn't let it faze her. She just kept on throwing Warps and shooting until the possessed Collector was dust.

When EDI finally got the guns to work, a flying creature almost finished them off – it broke through Shepard's biotic barrier too easily and she constantly needed to take cover between using biotics and shooting at the Praetorian so that it didn't kill her. When it was defeated, they realised that it was only a pawn to distract them so that the ship could flee – the ground shook as it took off from the colony.

She tore her horrified gaze from the Collector ship to the mechanic running up to her. "No! They've still got half the colony! And Lilith!"

"I… I'm sorry."

Miranda put her arm on Shepard's shoulder. "You did everything you could, Shepard."

Grunt stomped in agreement. "It was a good fight."

The mechanic stirred. "Wait, Shepard? I've heard your name before. You're one of those big-time Alliance heroes."

"I –"

A familiar husky voice interrupted her. "Commander Shepard: captain of the Normandy, first human Spectre, saviour of the Citadel." A familiar figure accompanying the voice walked into the clearing. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

" _You_ got left behind? Figures," Delan spat and left. "I'm done with you Alliance jerks."

Shepard felt her heartbeat quicken as Kaidan approached her. She looked into his eyes, his beautiful amber eyes that she dreamed about every night, but they had a hardened glaze over them. They softened for a brief second and he pulled her into an embrace.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

The bitter tone in his voice was enough to make her break the hug. "I was… I'm sorry." She bit her tongue. _Why am I apologising for my own death?_

"Then _how_ are you here? After two years?" He scoffed. "Why didn't you contact me, Shepard? I thought we had something. I loved you, and thinking you were dead tore me apart."

 _Loved_. She could feel her heart shattering. "I tried, Kaidan. Anderson wouldn't tell me where you were." She sniffed. "I was clinically brain dead. Miranda here took two years to bring me back. I don't know how she did it but I'm here, alive."

He glanced behind her at Miranda, and she already knew he was zeroing in on the Cerberus logo on her suit. "So it's true, then. You _are_ with Cerberus. After everything they put you through on Akuze? All those 'science experiments' we stopped?"

"I'm not _with_ anyone or anything, Kaidan. I don't work _for_ Cerberus. You saw what the Collectors have done here, and why they need to be stopped. Cerberus brought me back to life because they knew nobody else would be willing to fight the Collectors, not even the Alliance!" She was starting to get angry. _Why can't he see the truth?_ "Besides, I spent most of the past two years on an operating table or in a coma, how was I supposed to choose what happened to me while _dead_?"

He stepped back, crossing his arms over his chest. "Maybe you're right. But the Shepard I knew wouldn't be willing to compromise who she was to stop it; she'd find another way." He took another step back. "Maybe you just feel like you owe Cerberus because they brought you back to life."

"It's not like that, Kaidan. It's just an agreement – collaborate to stop the Collectors." She made one last desperate attempt. "I could use a good soldier like you. You could join me, re-join the Normandy, where you belong."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Me? With Cerberus? I'm sorry but I know where my allegiance lays; I'm an Alliance soldier, always will be. And if there's one thing I learned these past two years, it's that I'd never betray the Alliance. I've got to report back to the Citadel. Good luck with your _mission_ , Commander."

Shepard never thought she'd have to watch Kaidan walk away from her. She wasn't ready for the pain stabbing her heart; she shoved it down and ignored it, numbing herself.

"Miranda, where is the goddamn shuttle?" _Shit, I'm starting to sound like Zaeed_. "I want to get off this planet."

Garrus was waiting – no, more like _frowning_ – in the shuttle bay when they got back. "Are you alright, Shepard?"

 _Crap, did I keep my ship-wide comm open by accident or something?_ "I don't want to talk about it, Garrus."

She moved to a weapons bench and started unloading her gear. She knew she could take it to Jacob in the armoury to have it cleaned, or she could even leave it to Garrus, but she liked doing it herself down here – it was a little bit of calm that she liked taking advantage of.

After a moment, Garrus continued cautiously. "Kaidan was always a stubborn one but I'm sure he'll come around. He has to. No one can deny the Collectors are behind this now."

She slammed her pistol onto the weapon bench's surface. "I _don't_ want to talk about it, Garrus!"

He crossed his arms. "You know you two weren't exactly a secret, back on the SR-1. _Especially_ Liara and I were fully aware of your relationship."

Shepard busied herself with unstrapping her armour. "I know, Garrus."

"Then you know that you'll have to talk about it eventually. You're my best friend, Shepard, and when you to decide to talk, you know where I am." He starts towards the elevator.

* * *

 _Chapter 3.5 – About Horizon_

After a busy week on Illium involving a Drell assassin, an Asari Justicar, Liara, Miranda's sister, mercs, and even Conrad Verner, Shepard retreated to her cabin. She told the crew to have a night off, wanting a little time to herself to process what Liara had just told her about being the one who gave her body to Cerberus. _As if that was your decision to make, Liara…_

She knew deep down Liara was right – Aurelia needed to be alive to fight the Collectors, and ultimately the Reapers if she survived the Omega 4 Relay. Tomorrow she would need to go to Liara's offices and apologise before setting off to Tuchanka. For now, she just wanted to rest.

Shepard opened up her console to check her messages. Her heart stopped when she saw the first one.

 _About Horizon…_

She couldn't even bring herself to open the message, because suddenly all the emotions she had been shoving down resurface and she needed to _punch something_.

The first thing she could think of was the stupid fish tank. It was empty, anyway; she never bothered to get fish. She would probably just forget to feed them. The glass was stronger than it seemed and she ended up barely scratching it, whereas her hand came back bleeding and she thought she heard a knuckle crack. But she was too angry to feel any pain.

"How could you fucking say those things to me?!" She kicked her chair.

EDI's voice was alarmed. "Commander, are you alright?"

"Leave me ALONE, EDI!"

She grabbed the glass of water she had on her desk and slammed it against the wall. "How could you _not_ trust me?!"

She reached for the Normandy SR-1 model and thrust it at the console as if Kaidan could see through the screen. "Did _this_ mean nothing to you?"

Finally, she biotically picked up the newly fixed frame staring at her from the other side of the desk. "Did _we_ mean nothing to you?" She was about to throw it against the wall with her biotics when she looked into his eyes and sadness replaced her anger.

She sunk to the ground, ignoring the broken glass around her, and started to gently weep.

She still had the frame suspended in the air when the door hissed open. "Commander, are you alri–" Miranda startled. "Oh…"

Shepard laughed through her tears and put the frame down gently. "Come to see the great Commander Shepard, have you?"

Surprisingly, Miranda just sat down next to her. She had become kinder since they saved her sister Oriana. "EDI was worried about you." She gently took Shepard's injured hand to inspect it. "Don't let him get to you, Shepard. Just because he couldn't see past the Cerberus logo doesn't mean he's right."

Shepard wiped at her eyes with her free hand. "I know."

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Miranda… why me? You could have trained several armies with the funds you spent on bringing me back to life."

"Isn't it obvious, Shepard? You have that fire that makes someone willing to follow you into Hell itself. There is no other like you. The Reapers _are_ coming, and the galaxy will need you when that time comes, even if they don't see it now." She helped Aurelia up, careful to avoid any broken glass on the floor. "Now come on, you should get your hand checked up. Chakwas is in Illium at the moment, but I'm sure Mordin would be more than willing to patch this up for you."

Mordin was his usual chipper self, and Shepard was thankful that he didn't mention her puffy eyes.

"Wrist not broken. Slight damage to knuckle, however should heal easily. No shards of glass, fortunately. Would complicate things. No matter, can have this patched up quickly." He started work on her hand. "While you wait, can entertain you with some music. Was just remembering some old Gilbert and Sullivan pieces."

He started to sing and her mood was immediately uplifted.

Later that night, after Mordin had calmed her down by singing to her more, she returned to her cabin (cleaned up by Miranda) and finally read the email. She read it slowly, hearing how his voice would say every word.

When she finished, she shut off the console and made a promise to herself. _I_ will _defeat the Collectors, Kaidan. I_ will _return to you._

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	4. Chapter 4: Coming Home

**A/N: This is the last chapter which is a series of drabbles to introduce these characters – if you want to skip ME2, feel free to continue to Chapter 5! I promise this is the last ME2 chapter, and then we'll be onto the real juice/purpose of this fic!**

 **Also, warning for fluffy Normandy squad interactions ahead. I tried, I really tried.**

 **Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect, chapter title 4.4 from Skylar Grey's song**

* * *

 _Chapter 4.1 – Therapy Sessions_

"Shepard-Commander. We look forward to exchange of new data."

"Oddly enough, Legion, so do I." Shepard had never expected to work with a Geth, let alone consider one her… friend?

She made to leave the AI Core, but before she did she turned back to Legion again. "Legion, I'm… I'm sorry that we destroyed the Heretics."

"Your apology is noted, Shepard-Commander, but unnecessary. Since we have returned from the Heretic Station we have calculated that the risks of rewriting the Heretics outweighed the benefits. Your instincts were correct. This is something synthetics lack, but organics have much of: what you call a 'gut feeling.' At this time we also wish to express our gratitude at your prevention of Creator Tali'Zorah to cause harm to this platform."

Shepard nodded. "You're welcome. I just need everyone at their best and I'm happy that the both of you calmed down." She opened the door and left.

Since the incident with her hand, Shepard was surprisingly level-headed, especially considering the mission and the extremely risky manoeuvres the Illusive Man keeps sending their way – she hadn't forgiven him for tricking them into boarding the Collector ship, but she did recognise the need for the data they obtained. Shepard might even go so far as to say she was the most calm of her crew recently; she had even stopped fights between Jack and Miranda, and Tali and Legion. But since helping them all out with their personal problems, they too seemed to be clearing their heads.

She had taken to talking to her squadmates during the downtime everyone had while traveling between systems, which she enjoyed and apparently helped keep her stress levels low. Mordin had recommended it – he scanned her while patching up her hand and said that her cortisol (stress hormone) levels were irregularly high.

"To be expected, considering the position you are in. But in long-term, bad for health. Chronic stress can lead to mental illness. Recommend talking with friends, relaxing. Good things to take your mind off bad. Can help decrease stress level."

Though she would normally ignore advice given to her by doctors, this time Shepard had listened to Mordin.

It was working well, especially after they rescued Tali from Haestrom and encountered Wrex on Tuchanka. Well, Tuchanka had been difficult: she had almost thrown up when the thresher maw appeared during Grunt's Rite. It was a stark reminder of the trauma Cerberus had put her through years before, and though she was collaborating with them now, this (not so) little thing just reminded her of where she needed to return to after this Collector business was over; home, to the Alliance.

Despite feeling initially distressed at the appearance of the thresher maw, somehow she'd kept her wits about her enough to take the damn thing down, unlike on Akuze. _That_ also gave her great satisfaction, especially after Wrex told her he was impressed; impressing Krogans was difficult, getting them to admit it even more so.

Still, even with Garrus and Tali on-board the Normandy, Shepard liked chatting with her new friends just as much as her old ones.

Her feet carried her to Life Support, where she struck up a conversation with Thane about his faith. At one point, her translator faltered.

"Siha? I think my translator just glitched. What does that mean?"

"No glitch. Siha, one of the warrior-angels of the goddess Arashu: fierce in wrath, a tenacious protector. Much like you, Shepard."

"I… should I take that as a compliment?"

"Yes… and no. Siha is both revered and feared by my people. She brought justice to those she touched. Consider it…" he paused to think, bringing up a hand to his chin in a pensive manner. "Consider it my understanding of your behaviour."

"Then thank you, Thane. I hope I don't let… Siha down."

"If there is one thing I have learned about you, Shepard, it is that you will not." He returned his hands to their usual position – both of them wrapped around his mug. "Thank you for the kindness you have shown me, Shepard, and for reuniting me with my son. I am sorry that I can only repay you with friendship and by assisting you on your mission. I am ready for the next outing whenever you need me."

She smiled. She liked Thane and Samara, because even though they were both very serious, it meant everything they say is sincere. It also helped that they were both pretty powerful allies.

"Don't thank me now, Thane. We haven't hit the Omega-4 Relay yet, and I'd imagine you might change your mind afterwards."

He didn't laugh often, but even Thane managed a little smile at Shepard's attempted joke. "Very well, Shepard. I will get back to you on that then."

Joker called her on the intercom. "Hey Commander, mind coming up to the CIC? EDI is almost done installing the Reaper IFF."

"Be right up, Joker." She nodded at Thane, and he reciprocated the action. "See you later, Thane."

Of course, just like everything else in Shepard's life, her small sense of peace didn't last.

She finally lost her level-headedness when the Collectors managed to storm the Normandy and kidnap the entire crew while her and her squadmates were out with the shuttle. She immediately ordered everyone to prepare for the end run – she had it with the Collectors one-upping her, and she was going to save her crew if it was the last damn thing she did.

* * *

 _Chapter 4.2 – Reflections_

"Commander, we are about an hour away from the Omega-4 Relay."

"Thank you, EDI. I'll get ready."

A last thought hit Aurelia before she left her cabin. "EDI, can you send an encrypted message through Alliance channels?"

"Of course, Shepard. But… I cannot guarantee it will be read."

Shepard sat at her console and typed a quick message. "Doesn't matter, it just needs to be sent."

"Very well, Shepard. Encrypting and sending message to Staff Commander Alenko now."

Satisfied, Shepard left her cabin to prepare for the battle ahead.

Thousands of light-years away, Kaidan knew he'd have to be awake for duty in four hours. He was finally getting somewhere with his new students, and he was supposed to meet some new Grissom Academy graduates in the morning.

But he couldn't sleep.

The same thoughts haunted him over and over again, most of all how he should have treated Shepard better on Horizon. He had been so distracted by Cerberus' involvement that he had forgotten the main thing: she was _alive_.

Why had he said those things to her? Why had he treated her like that? _Why did I walk away?_

Cerberus and his loyalty to the Alliance were definitely big reasons, but he knew there was more to it than that. And he couldn't fully blame being blind-sided either. It had taken him weeks to admit to himself, but Kaidan knew that his brash emotional reaction was because he was afraid. He had been kidding himself when he thought he was over her, when he thought drinks with that doctor were a sign of how far he had come. Kaidan was hurt at not having been contacted, yes, but he was also afraid that this new Cerberus Shepard was somehow different, somehow not the same woman.

He had loved Rahna. He knew what heartbreak felt like. But losing Shepard was different for him – Shepard was not afraid of the man he was, and she brought out the best in him. ' _You make me feel human.'_ He was so afraid of the 'new' Shepard being different, of her not wanting him back, of rejection by this Shepard, and so he had lashed out.

 _I've probably ruined any chance at being even remotely friendly again_ , he thought. _If she had wanted to talk, Shepard would have responded to my message_.

His omni-tool beeped. He opened the encrypted message, wondering who would write to him at this time of night. His heart did a somersault when he opened it. _Speak (or think) of the devil…_

 _LT, I'm on my way to the Omega 4 Relay. If I survive, I'm coming home, and I'll see you soon. If not… take care of yourself. - Skipper_

Kaidan inhaled sharply. Shepard was going on a suicide mission and telling _him_ to take care of himself?

His thoughts turned to worries and he knew he wasn't going to sleep at all tonight. Probably not even for a few days. _Godspeed, Shep._

* * *

 _Chapter 4.3 – The End Run_

"Shepard, if my calculations are correct, the superstructure is… a Reaper."

Almost on cue, the platform floated into the chamber and the organic-synthetic construction came into view.

 _Fuck._

"Not just any Reaper, a human Reaper."

The skeleton sneered down at the platform, mouth in a permanent growl and hungry for prey, arms strewn up above them as if ready to pounce. The metallic skeleton shell had the revealing husk-like blue glow within it, but they could tell it was still in development – despite its frightful position, it only had its skull, arms and upper ribcage. Its cold, dead eyes sent shivers down Shepard's spine and dread pooled in her stomach. She thought about all the empty pods they had encountered, all the colonists that were taken, and thought about their melted bodies being pumped into this _thing_.

She forcefully swallowed down the bile rising in her throat.

Shepard almost missed what EDI was saying. "…significantly more will be required to complete the Reaper."

"More? There won't _be_ anymore, no one else is dying for this abomination." She adjusted the settings on her visor, trying to roughly scan the creature. "Can you detect any weaknesses, EDI? How do we destroy it?"

"The large tubes injecting the fluid are a weak structural link. Conventional weapons should work against them. Destroying them will cause the supports to collapse, and the Reaper will fall."

The sound of an approaching platform drifted towards her ears. She instinctively reached for her Carnifex with her right hand and charged dark energy in her left, nodding towards the incoming platform to indicate to Miranda and Thane to get to cover. "Hold that thought, EDI. We've gotta take care of some old friends first."

Shepard rolled forward into cover at the sound of Harbinger's voice and narrowly avoided being hit by one of his biotic clouds. Thane threw a Warp at him and Shepard followed suit, firing at some of the other Collector drones before ducking back down.

"Thane!" she barked. "I want you on your sniper rifle aiming at those tubes, Miranda and I will cover you!"

"Affirmative!"

She watched him assemble his rifle and take up position before she fired a headshot at and finally disintegrated the possessed Collector. " _Destroying this body gains you nothing_."

"Yeah well," she warped another drone. "It gains me some time, you son of a bitch!"

Miranda disposed of the last drone on that platform, and Shepard heard the glass of the tubes shattering. She wanted to pump her fist in celebration but another platform drifted into view.

"Enemies incoming!"

"Siha, there are two tubes remaining – cover me!"

" _ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL_."

She had just about had it with Harbinger.

When the platform was close enough she sent out a Shockwave, knocking a few drones off towards their deaths, while Miranda whittled down another possessed Collector's barrier.

" _You cannot stop us, Shepard_."

She landed a shot in his fiery gut, despite her shaking hands; she could never get over when he talked right to her. "I can damn well try!"

" _We are the harbinger of your destruction."_

"Over my dead body." Miranda and Shepard warped him at the same time, destroying the possessed body. "Well, actually, over yours!" She smirked at her lame comment, and only widened her smile when she caught Miranda rolling her eyes.

Once that platform was clear, she turned to Thane and watched him shoot and destroy the final tube. Just as EDI predicted, the Reaper fell without its supports.

"Good riddance," she spat after its falling form. She holstered her gun. "Miranda, Thane, prep the overload of the systems. Shepard to ground team, status report!"

There was some static before Garrus' voice came through. "Garrus here. Holding ground, but it's getting hot! We through here, Commander?"

"Head to the Normandy! Joker, prep the engines because I'm about to blow this place sky high."

Joker's voice came back unsure. "Uh, Commander? I've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI is patching it through."

She sighed with frustration and turned to the projection from Miranda's omni-tool. "Shepard. You've done the impossible."

"I'm not finished here yet. This base is ten minutes from extinction."

"I have a better option. I'm looking at the schematics EDI uploaded, and I think a timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors on board," he clenched his fist, "but leave the machinery and technology intact!"

"They liquefied _people_! Turned them into something horrible!" She pulled her mouth into a snarl. "We _have to_ destroy this base!"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't be so short-sighted. We may have won a victory, but we are still at war. Our best chance against the Reapers is to turn their resources against them."

Miranda, whose face had been increasingly disgusted with the conversation, interrupted. "I'm not so sure. Seeing it first hand, using anything from this base seems like a betrayal."

The Illusive Man's figure barely glanced at Miranda. "If we ignore this opportunity, _that_ would be a betrayal! This base is a gift, don't throw away this chance!"

Shepard could only shake her head. "No matter what kind of technology we find, it's not worth it. We'll fight and win without it. I won't let fear compromise who I am." She leaned down to finalise the destruction sequence Miranda had started before they were so rudely interrupted.

"Miranda!" The Illusive Man's voice was desperate. "Do _not_ let Shepard destroy the base!"

"Or what," Miranda scoffed. "You'll replace me next?"

"I gave you an _order_ , Miranda!"

"I noticed. Consider this my resignation." Miranda cut off the comm.

Shepard glanced up and grinned at Miranda. "Nice one, Miri." She finished with the sequence and closed the panel. "Let's move. We've got ten minutes before the reactor overloads and blows the whole station apar–"

The platform started trembling. The trio instinctively ran for cover, unsure what to expect, when the first claw appeared at the other end of the platform.

 _Shit_.

The human Reaper was suddenly stooped over them, its previously lifeless eyes glowing a bright orange. The mechanical screech it released sent Shepard's hands to her ears, trying to block out the sound.

She observed the monstrosity from behind cover, watching it power up and destroying an adjacent platform in one go. "We need to destroy it, and fast, before it topples this platform!"

"The eyes, Shepard!" Thane pointed at the glowing eyes of the Reaper as it prepared to pull itself up again. "And its core! They are unshielded, much like in the derelict Reaper!"

Shepard nodded at him. "Good thinking! Unleash hell at its eyes or core, whichever is in range, but don't let it catch you!"

It took a few minutes of running around, jumping from cover to cover between shots and biotic attacks, before the Reaper is down. But as it fell back into the damn abyss it came from, it threw a claw out toward the platform Thane was standing on and he slipped.

"Thane!"

Shepard launched herself across the platform, arm outstretched, barely catching his hand before he fell over the edge. She groaned as she pulled him over the edge, only to be disoriented yet again by another platform colliding with theirs. Their platform spun towards a wall, and Shepard wasn't sure in which direction they were even moving. She was flung off her feet and landed badly, winding her for a moment before she could get up again.

She spotted Thane nearby and rushed over to help him up. Miranda was less lucky, and was caught underneath a chunk of debris.

The sound of Joker's voice cut through the eerie silence around them. "Shepard, do you copy? Don't leave me hanging, Commander! Do you copy?"

"Somewhat alive and kicking, Joker," she quipped. "Did the ground team make it?"

He sighed with relief. "Everyone's on board, we're just waiting for you!"

Shepard lifted up the debris on top of Miranda biotically while Thane helped her up, both limping slightly.

Shepard looked at where they've landed, scanning the area with her omni-tool, and fortunately (the only lucky thing to happen to them today) the platform was pushed back not far from their intended escape route to the Normandy. She started towards the exit.

"We don't have much time, we gotta move!"

The tell-tale sound of Collector drones and seeker swarms approaching sobered Miranda and Thane, and they forgot their limps for now and followed in Shepard's footsteps. They started sprinting when a few seekers appeared around them, Shepard pausing to shoot a few and activate her biotic barrier.

They rounded a corner and came face-to-face with a group of Collectors, but they were no match for the three biotics; they were thrown far back enough for Shepard, Miranda, and Thane to tear past.

Shepard could see the Normandy, and though her legs were screaming at her to rest she pushed on. _I haven't come this far to die because I slowed down, goddamnit!_

The airlock opened and Joker sauntered into view with a proud look on his face and an Avenger in his hands, and actually _tried shooting_ at some of the Collectors on their heels. Shepard rolled her eyes.

She briefly turned around to throw a Shockwave and trip up the few Collector drones on their tail, allowing Miranda and Thane to jump onto the ship first. Some debris knocked down the final platform between her and the Normandy, and she silently cursed before taking a running jump at the airlock.

Shepard tried to enhance her jump by using a little biotic lift, but she timed it poorly and almost missed the edge of the airlock. Thane immediately rushed to her and pulled her in, and Miranda closed the airlock door as soon as Shepard was secure. Joker had already run (as fast as he could) back into the cockpit with Shepard following close behind, all the while swearing under her breath and hoping they hadn't lost too much time.

"Detonation in 10, 9, 8–"

"Yeah, we get it EDI!"

Shepard held her breath and watched as Joker piloted them away from the station and back towards the Omega-4 Relay, hitting FTL speeds just as the explosions from the base started rocking the ship. When she was sure they are out of harm's way (or rather, when they made it back through the Relay and were on their _merry way_ to Omega), she exhaled shakily, reaching up to her face and pinching the bridge of her nose to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"We did it," she whispered.

Joker grinned up at her over his shoulder. "Damn right, we did!"

The cheers in the CIC behind her indicate that her squad were gathered there, and she went to join them with a grin on her face. She was greeted by injuries, bandages being passed around, and the sterile smell of disinfecting substances, but nonetheless a shared victorious attitude.

She wanted to join them in their celebration, but a Cerberus logo on the wall reminded her she has something to do, and she headed for the comm room.

"Miranda, I want you and Mordin to see to it that the crew is alright, and attend to any injuries. EDI, connect me with the Illusive Man."

Miranda half-jogged, half-limped after her. "Shepard, why–"

"You got your resignation letter in." She forced open the damaged comm room door while Miranda pushed aside some debris. "Now let me get mine."

"Very well," Miranda had a slight smile on her lips. "Don't hold back, Shepard."

She nodded before stepping onto the comm.

"Shepard," the Illusive Man took a drag from his cigarette, seated with his back to her. "You're making it a habit of costing me more than time and money."

"Too many lives were lost at that base," she crossed her arms. "I'm not sorry it's gone."

"The first of many lives! The technology from that base could have assured human dominance in the galaxy, against the Reapers and beyond!"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Human dominance? Or just Cerberus?"

"Strength for Cerberus is strength for every human!" He stood, finally turning to face her. "Cerberus _is_ humanity! I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions, too idealistic from the start!"

Shepard scoffed at his pixelated figure. "I'm not looking for your approval. You knew from the moment I woke up what I think of you and your organisation, and I made it abundantly clear that I never worked for you. I did what you asked of me – I stopped the Collectors. Now I need to focus on the bigger picture; Harbinger is coming, and he won't be alone. Humanity needs a leader who's looking out for them. So from now on, I'm doing things my way, whether you like it or not."

"Don't turn your back on me, Shepard! I made you; I brought you back from the dead!"

"I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line." She had to hold back her laugh at her own joke. "Joker, lose this channel. I'm done here."

The comm had barely powered down when she heard the voices behind her.

"Shit, Shepard, didn't know you had such big balls."

"Now imagine if I'd been able to deliver a resignation letter like that, my C-Sec days would have been over far earlier."

"Glad to finally be rid of them, Shepard."

"But the Illusive Man is still gonna pick up the rest of my pay check, right?"

She turned around, an incredulous grin rising to her face. Jack, Garrus, Tali, and Zaeed were all gathered behind her, crowding the already small and damaged doorframe of the comm room.

"I thought you idiots had a suicide mission to recover from. You know, wounds to treat, damage to fix?"

Garrus laughed. "Well, we certainly couldn't miss this little show here."

"Garrus is right!" Tali's voice was almost as chirpy and cheerful as it used to be back on the SR-1 "Oh, I'd watch this over _Fleet and Flotilla_ any day!"

Shepard rolled her eyes. "You are all ridiculous."

Jack snickered, "says the Queen of the Girl Scouts!"

Shepard smiled at her friends. "But seriously, if you are all well and able, I want you taking stock, cleaning weapons, helping the injured and beginning preliminary repairs on the ship. We took some damage, and I'd prefer to reach Omega in one piece."

They nodded and started retreating, Zaeed grumbling under his breath about his last pay check.

* * *

 _Chapter 4.4 – Coming Home_

They arrived at Omega in relatively good shape, considering the mission they were returning from. The crew well enough to do so helped refuel and ready the Normandy for the journey back to Earth, while Shepard gathered her squad in the comm room.

She looked around at everyone and smiled warmly. She was so grateful for everyone here, and her heart was filled with pride for what they had accomplished.

"Team... friends. I want to thank you for everything you've done. We did it – we've done something incredible. Impossible, actually. This was my mission, my burden to bear, and I could not have done it without any of you." Shepard took a deep breath and sighed. "But now comes the hard part. I compromised all of us by agreeing to work with Cerberus. You all know this, but Cerberus is an acknowledged enemy of the Council, and recognised officially as a terrorist organisation by the Alliance. Working with them will be seen as a crime. I have to pay for what I've done, to atone, but I am also responsible for all of you. I am turning myself over to the Alliance–" some of her friends started to murmur in protest, but she raised her hand to silence them and continued. "–and I wanted to give you all a chance to leave before I do so. If necessary, I can help you arrange the appropriate transport from the transportation hub here on Omega." She paused, a thought crossing her mind, and smiled mischievously. "We still have quite a lot of Cerberus credits on board and I highly encourage you all to use them, even if it's just for a single night out in Afterlife."

Grunt let out a low chuckle but Samara and Garrus did not look pleased.

"Shepard, you have done a great deed for humanity. Your heart may rest with the Alliance, but you know that they will simply imprison you for your association with Cerberus, despite what you have done for them. My oath to you may no longer apply, but the Code will not let me allow you to give up your freedom for doing good. That, and…" she shuffled her feet. "You are my friend, and I do not wish to see you wrongfully incarcerated."

Shepard was touched. Everyone seems to murmur in agreement, and she needed to swallow and blink away the tears. "Samara," she reached over and touched her shoulder. "Thank you for the sentiment. But I need to do this." She looked around at everyone gathered. "I need to go home and face the music. But I will not, I _cannot_ ask you to do this with me. I will not allow it."

There were no protests after that.

The squad disembarked and Aurelia must say goodbye to them one by one. She approached Legion first, thinking that it would be easiest to bid farewell to her Geth friend ( _I mean it's a robot, how emotional could I get?_ ), but she was so wrong.

"Shepard-Commander, your determination is commendable. We have learned much from this experience. We will return to the Geth Consensus and continue to spread your warning against the Old Machines' return."

She was speechless. "W-well, thank you, Legion. I'm glad someone will be vouching for me."

Grunt stomped. "It won't be the only one. I will speak for you, Battlemaster. I will return to Tuchanka and make sure the Krogan prepare for the ultimate foe – the Reapers!"

The goodbyes generally proceeded like that, with a few hugs here and there.

"Will return to Sur'Kesh. Much work to be done. Perhaps can work with Maelon's data secretly. But nonetheless, must thank you, Shepard. Intriguing to have seen Reaper technology up close."

"You're still soft, but you're not too bad, Shepard. Maybe I should take a page out of your book. But don't get any ideas; I'm not going full Girl Scout. Ever."

"Thank you again, Siha, for the second chance you have given me with my son. I won't waste it."

"You are an honourable woman, Commander. I am relieved you did not make me violate the Code, so that I did not have to kill you. Killing my daughter and my friend in the same year would be difficult."

"You still owe me part of that last pay check, princess. But hey, watch your arse back on Earth. Don't want the Alliance ruining my chance at that last pay check."

"I'm gonna miss having a drink with you, Shep. You sure you want to go back to Earth? We worked real well together on Bekenstein, we make a great team. Hey, maybe I could break you out of jail? Never conducted a jail break before, but it can't be too different from a heist, can it?"

Shepard had trouble holding back tears after a while.

Soon there was only Garrus, Tali, Jacob, and Miranda left in front of her.

Garrus tried to lighten her mood, clasping her shoulder with one hand. "Nice speech back there, Shepard. I see death has improved your oration significantly."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, Shepard," Garrus shrugged. "You used to be terribly awkward with that kind of thing. Remember your first speech on the Normandy? Kirrahe's 'hold the line' was way better than that." He laughed, his mandibles trying to maintain an innocent smile.

She let out a chuckle. "Laugh it up, Vakarian. I'd like to see you try."

She turned to Tali and hugged her friend. "Shepard," Tali whispered softly. "Be careful on Earth. You might be going home, but I have no doubt Cerberus will have a target on your head now."

"Thank you for worrying about me, Tali," she broke the hug. "But I'll be fine."

Tali nodded at her before walking away with Garrus.

Shepard turned to Miranda and Jacob, the very two faces she woke up to. "And what will you do, now that you've resigned from Cerberus?"

"I'll take some time off," Jacob said. "Then I've got an old friend to visit. Dr. Brynn Cole said she wants my help with something soon, so I'll go check that out when she calls." He smiled. "You've had an influence on me, Shepard. I'm running across the galaxy to help my friends."

Shepard grinned. "What are friends for?" She shook his hand. "Good luck, Jacob."

He saluted her and also turned to walk away.

Miranda looked nervous, as if trying to decide on something. "It's been an honour working with you, Commander."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Miranda." She smiled warmly and turned back to the Normandy.

"Shepard, wait!" Miranda grabbed her wrist gently, turning her around. "I wanted to give you something before you left." She let go of Shepard's wrist and pushed some buttons on her omni-tool, and Shepard's omni-tool pinged in response. "It's some of the files of the Lazarus Project. The ones I still have access to. I want you to have them. Some… reading material for your trip. Or an early birthday present, since it is quite soon."

They had gotten off on the wrong foot, but Aurelia was happy to call Miranda a friend now. "Thank you, Miranda. I appreciate that, and I will read them."

Miranda smiled stiffly and pauses, suddenly taking Shepard into a brief hug before she hurried off.

Shepard watched her friends' backs retreating into the dirty port of Omega, memorising their voices and what they looked like. She would miss them, but for now she had to go home and face the music. Back to Earth, back to the Alliance.

She headed straight for the comm room after re-boarding the Normandy.

"EDI, connect me on a three-way call with Councillor Anderson and Admiral Hackett."

"Reaching out to Councillor Anderson and Admiral Hackett. It may be a few moments before I can establish a triple link."

"I'll wait." Shepard sighed and leaned against the damaged comm room doorway, again going over in her head what she was going to say.

She wondered how they would react, or if they were expecting this and already knew what to tell her. Maybe they already planned what they were going to do with her when she returned? Would they really lock her up in a detention cell? Probably. She would probably be court-martialled and discharged too. That would be a major blow, but she was still a Spectre – that had to count for something. Maybe they would go easy on her, given her history and achievements?

The question that plagued her mind most, however, was Kaidan. It was obvious from his message after Horizon that he still _cared_ somewhat, but how much? Would they be able to smooth things over?

Her stomach growled, and she smirked in response. _Maybe the first thing I should do is grab a greasy slice of pizza. With fresh tomato sauce and cheese that comes from actual cow milk._

"Shepard," EDI interrupted her thoughts. "Connection established with Councillor Anderson. I am still attempting to connect Admiral Hackett and will add him to the call when I am able to do so."

"Thank you, EDI." She stepped onto the all-too familiar comm to see Anderson's pixelated form materialising in front of her. She smiled with relief at his familiar form. "Anderson."

It's obviously late on the Citadel, because he wasn't in his Councillor outfit and he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His voice came across as anxious. "Aurelia, what's happening? Your VI said the call was urgent."

She sniffled, hoping he couldn't notice her emotional reaction to the words she was about to say. "I just returned from the Omega-4 Relay. I'm coming home."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**

 **And for the record, I never got to play LotSB or Arrival (I know, I know, shame on me) so those storylines are not included for Aurelia Shepard. Next chapter the introductory drabbles are over and we are** _ **really**_ **into the story finally!**


	5. Chapter 5: Arrival

**A/N: And as promised, here we are at ME3! Just a little pre-prologue Vancouver stuff first though. AND ALSO HAPPY N7 DAY TO EVERYONE! Did anyone else cry at the new trailer? Well I did. And it goes so well with where I want to go with this fic, I will** _ **so**_ **use it later on…**

 **Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect, I'm just playing around in the universe.**

* * *

 _Chapter 5 – Arrival_

The room was small. She hadn't realised it until she arrived in Vancouver, but she had grown used to the luxurious captain's cabin aboard the Normandy.

Still, her small room (or rather, detention cell) had a large window with a view of the city, and the burly soldier Anderson assigned to guard Shepard brought her the books she asked for to bide her time. Vega was not technically allowed to talk to her, but he did anyway whenever he was escorting her places or bringing her something. He mostly asked her questions, though: the lieutenant was not that much younger than her but had already admitted to being a fan, and with little else to bide her time she let him ask her all the questions he wanted.

When alone in her room, she tried to busy herself with reading and various exercises, wanting to retain at least some of her physical form while she was locked up. But between the hubbub of the city below her and the faint voices occasionally passing outside her door, she missed the hum of the Normandy's engines and the view of stars above her head. The solitary room gave her too much time to think; about her friends, about her actions, about what's coming, about everything. And although she tried not to, her thoughts too often fell upon the other biotic Commander.

Surely he would have found out when she turned herself in – would he try to contact her? Even though her communications with the outside world was being blocked, a high enough ranking officer would be allowed to get a message through. But then why hadn't Anderson contacted her either?

Eight weeks into her 'incarceration,' she was doing sit-ups on the floor when finally a determined-looking Anderson walked into her room unannounced with Vega.

"Shepard. Good to see you're being active in here."

She did a few more sit-ups before getting up and crossing her arms. "Two months, Anderson. Two months I've been here, and I haven't heard shit from you other than this guard dog you've assigned." She looked at Vega. "No offense, Lieutenant."

He smiled sheepishly. "None taken, ma'am. Just doing my job."

Shepard turned back to Anderson. "Where's my trial? Where's my ship, Anderson?"

Anderson sighed. "Lieutenant, I'd appreciate it if you left Shepard and I alone for this conversation."

Vega saluted and left the room. "Yes, sir."

"Look, Aurelia, I know you're mad." Shepard rolled her eyes; he only used her first name to appeal to her emotional side. "And I mean it when I say I'm sorry. There's been a lot on my plate, but I finally took the decision to retire from the Council and come back to the Alliance full-time."

Shepard was taken aback but held her defiant posture. "Really?"

Anderson nodded, and moved to sit at the small desk in the corner of her room. "When I voiced my intentions the Alliance offered me a position on the Admiralty Board. And I always knew Udina was after my position, so I stepped down and he took my place. I'm back on Earth for now."

Shepard sat down on her bed. She was happy that Anderson was finally rid of the Council position that he was never too fond of, but she was also annoyed that it had to be Udina to replace him. "Congratulations are in order, then?"

"There's no need for that, Shepard. I'm here to tell you that there won't _be_ a trial, at least not while I'm around."

She jumped onto her feet. " _What_? Anderson, I _need_ that trial so I can get out of here and get back to focusing on the Reapers' arrival. You know they're coming!"

He gestured at her to calm down. "I know that. But the other Admirals, besides Hackett and I, are 'officially' siding with the Council on their stance on the Reapers. They can't pardon your affiliation with a terrorist organisation just because of your expertise on a threat they're not publically acknowledging. I'm making sure there's no court martial because if there is, you'll just be dishonourably discharged. And then what would we do?"

"It's better than sitting on my ass in here and doing nothing." Shepard sighed. "Look, I know I fucked up by working with Cerberus, but what else was I supposed to do? Tell them not to bring me back to life? _Let_ the Collectors cultivate humanity? I know I have to make up for it, and that's why I turned myself in. I thought even if I was dishonourably discharged from the Alliance I could still work as a solo agent or something, or maybe the Council would uphold my Spectre status." She moved to lean with her back against the window. "Anything is better than sitting in this cell. I guess I was being hopeful."

"That's not how these things work, I thought I taught you better than that." Anderson sighed, and approached her at the window. "You _need_ to stay with the Alliance, and as long as I'm on the Admiralty Board that will happen."

"You know I can't just be locked up for months… or years."

"Shepard, leave it to me. Hackett and I are trying to figure something out. It might take a while, but you have to trust me."

She reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "If that's what it takes…" She turned to look out across the city below her. "Where's the Normandy? What happened with the crew?"

"I'm not technically supposed to tell you this, but the Normandy has been officially commandeered by the Alliance. It's being converted into a real warship." He shifted his stance. "I must say, Cerberus knows how to build beautiful ships. Most of the crew have the same fate as you, in Alliance holding cells. Doctor Chakwas was pardoned – she's been transferred to some Alliance projects on the Citadel. Flight Lieutenant Moreau is formally grounded, but off-the-record is assisting with retrofits because the ship's VI is somehow programmed to respond to only him."

Shepard raised an eyebrow in amusement. Of course EDI would have had to hide her true identity as an AI, but Shepard needed to give her credit for figuring out a way to keep Joker close. "Thank you for letting me know."

He nodded at her and made towards the door. "I should get going. But now that I'm back on Earth I'll come see you more often, let you know of my progress. I'll get you out of here, just give me time."

"Of course. You know where I'll be waiting… it was good to see you, Anderson."

Anderson glanced at the door to make sure it was still closed and gave Shepard a quick hug. "I'm glad you're back home now, Shep."

She watched him leave. She had wanted to ask him about Kaidan, but she resolved to ask the next time Anderson visits her.

But she doesn't see him for another few months. And when she does, it's too late to ask.

* * *

Kaidan poured himself another cup of coffee (his third this morning), and brought it over to his desk, appreciating the aroma of real Earth-grown coffee beans before settling into his chair and taking a sip. He was back in Vancouver for two weeks, under orders to review classified security-related intel following his promotion to Major. He was guessing Admiral Anderson had to do with the timely assignment; it was too coincidental for him to be sifting through intel and other documents after Shepard ended her Cerberus relationship.

For a few months now he had had trouble sorting out his thoughts. Now that he was back on Earth, and even in the same city as Shepard, his sleep was disturbed by contemplation – should he go see her? Should he try to contact her? With his new rank he would be able to get the clearance easily. Heck, he had already read all the files – mission reports, communication transcripts, and more – from the SR-2, and listened to all the interviews the Alliance had conducted with her after she turned herself in.

He took another sip from his mug of coffee and listened (again) to one of the interviews. Kaidan couldn't help but half-smile when he listened to them, because they showed him that the Commander was still the same determined, headstrong woman he knew. There was a little voice in his head that tried to tell him it was a sham, it was an intricate Cerberus plot to topple the Alliance from within, but the voice grew quieter each time he heard Shepard's tone in these recordings.

He glanced outside of his window and remembered that she was only a few floors below him. _Does she even want to see me?_

An idea rooted itself in Kaidan's mind. He checked the time – it was just after 0800 hours – and headed to the elevator. He punched in the button for floor 3, where Block AA-23 was located. The rooms there were not cells, but it was still a block of rooms to isolate and keep an eye on their "low-risk" inhabitants; it was essentially a low-security detention block, but one that wouldn't require any prior clearance.

He nodded at the guard as he exited the elevator, who stood up and saluted Kaidan in response.

"I'm here for Room 334."

The guard nodded and punched in a code on his console, unlocking the door to the room. "I'll lock the door behind you, sir. Contact me on the comm when you are done."

"Thank you." Kaidan navigated down the hall, stopping in front of the door to 334 to take a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hello Joker."

The room was quite spare, with just a desk, chair, and bed. Block AA-23 was not high enough to have the sprawling view of Vancouver that Kaidan's desk had, but the window overlooked the courtyard outside the Alliance HQ building, which was not an unpleasant view either – strange plants from other worlds and fancy statues of ships just served as a reminder of humanity's achievements thus far. On a clear day, one could even see the Alliance hangars from this window; he could see why Joker would be confined to this room.

Joker was sitting on his bed, back against the wall, and tinkering with a small object when Kaidan walked in, but looked up at the sound of his voice. "Well, look who we have here. What have I done to deserve this honourable visit from Major Alenko?"

Kaidan felt the _whoosh_ of the door closing behind him. "Joker, I'm not here to interrogate or punish you."

Joker raised an eyebrow at him and went back to fidgeting with the object, which Kaidan could see was some sort of spare part. "You're here to make nice, or what?"

Kaidan pulled out the one chair in the room, twisting it around and sitting on it backwards. "Well… yeah, I guess I am."

"Save it, space prince," Joker scoffed. "I'm not the one you should be apologising to, anyway."

"Look, Joker," he sighed. "I know I was an asshole to you, and I don't really have an excuse for that. I'm here unofficially and off the record, so please just… have at me. I need to hear it. I won't report a thing you say to anyone."

Joker again raised an eyebrow at the screwdriver in his hands. "So you're not only here to ask me about Shepard?"

"Hah, well, that can come later. You and I need to clear the air first. We used to be friends, Joker." Kaidan ran a hand over his hair, smoothing it down. "I wanted a chance to apologise, to understand what happened, and possibly find out more about all your Cerberus endeavours."

Joker smirked, his gaze still on the screwdriver. "I know you too well, Alenko." He finally met Kaidan's eyes. "So I can say whatever I want and you won't report me for insubordination? Not that that'd do anything to me, I'm already in isolation. But, you know, just checking."

Kaidan shrugged. "Be my guest, Joker."

Joker's words came out rapidly; Kaidan struggled to keep up. "Okay, so I know I fucked up back on the SR-1, I know I should have evacuated when she gave the order, but Shepard and I already talked it over. You were kinda justified being angry with me, but I don't think I deserved to be completely ostracised. But that's not the point. The point was that when I heard Shepard might be coming back, yeah I went running. I didn't care that it was Cerberus; I mean at least they were letting me fly! But the main point was that Shepard was back. We all saw that – Tali, Garrus and I – and we knew that she was doing what needed to be done. Yeah, none of us trusted Cerberus, not even Shepard, but we trusted _her_ enough to follow!" He paused for a breath. "Well, except Garrus. That one's crazy, let me tell you. He would have joined us even if we took to pirating." Joker shook his head. "But that's not the point. We were a _team_ , Kaidan, and you turned your back on us. Team Milky Way, remember? Yeah, it hurt us all! I can't imagine how much it must have hurt Shepard, because you mattered most to her. It was hard seeing her after Horizon, because she pushed away all her emotions and just focused on the mission and the crew's problems. Anyone who knew her well enough could see that she was hurting; we just couldn't say anything because she'd probably go berserk at us. Actually that's exactly what happened – when she couldn't hold it in any longer she attacked a fish tank."

Kaidan frowned. That was one thing he was hoping he wouldn't hear.

But Joker just continued on his rant. "Yeah, I guess your little message to her gave her some closure. That still doesn't explain to me why you walked away from us at all! Just because of Cerberus? Don't give me any 'I was being faithful to the Alliance' crap, because back on the SR-1 we technically _all_ betrayed the Alliance when we stole the Normandy to get to Ilos. You followed Shepard then, so why not now? Why didn't you trust her, or trust us? That's what I can't get my head around, Kaidan."

Kaidan was stunned. He sat silently for a moment, elbow on the back of the chair to prop up his chin, and considered Joker's words.

"I… honestly, Joker, I'm not sure I can answer that. At the time I hadn't quite figured out how I felt about her showing up after two years, and, well, I was also a little angry at having been kept out of the loop." Kaidan sighed. "Everyone seemed to _know_ she was _really_ coming back except me, but I guess that's because Anderson stonewalled me. It just… I was blind-sided on Horizon, and the Cerberus thing really threw me off. It's no excuse, but it's how I felt. Shepard had been so devoted to the Alliance before, and it stumped me to see her with Cerberus. I still don't think I can quite wrap my head around it. I was scared they had brought her back… _wrong_ , I guess. You remember all those Cerberus operations we stopped back in the day, don't you?"

Joker rolled his eyes at him. "Or were you afraid they forgot to bring her feelings for you back to life too?"

He hoped Joker didn't see the red rising in his cheeks and ducked his face away towards the window. _Joker really does know me too well…_ "Yeah, maybe. But that doesn't matter now. One of these days I'm going to see her and explain all this and apologise, but I wanted to start with you. It's been long overdue, this chat. We should have talked it out years ago." He looked back at Joker, straight in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Joker. You don't have to forgive me, but I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

Joker's eyes were sad for a second, but he averted his gaze back to his hands. "Thanks for apologising. You're an asshole… but we're okay. For now."

"That means a lot to me, Joker."

Joker nodded and looked back up at Kaidan. "You _really_ didn't know she was coming back for real until Horizon? I tried messaging you."

Kaidan shook his head, surprised at this new information. "No, I didn't know. At the time I was getting all my communications straight through Anderson – I was doing various spec-ops for him and Admiral Hackett."

"Huh. Maybe Anderson was also afraid that you would run off with Cerberus. Maybe he wanted some leverage to bring Shepard home eventually."

Kaidan hid a smile and decided to change the topic – Joker was obviously trying to bait Kaidan's feelings. "So tell me more about the new Normandy. And I'll bet you have some cool stories about kicking Collector ass that you're itching to tell someone."

Joker grinned and started animatedly talking about how _beautiful_ his new 'baby' is, with her leather seats and her soothing voice. _Wait, what? Soothing voice?_ He recounted to Kaidan a few bits and pieces of their missions, and even though Kaidan read all of the mission reports obtained from the SR-2, he enjoyed Joker's animated versions much better.

"And so there I was, gun in hand, personally saving Shepard's butt by covering her when she had to sprint back to the Normandy. The Collector base was not the first time we've had to outrun a deadly blast either, and let me tell you I would not like to repeat that experience a third time."

Their conversation was interrupted when the guard entered the room. "Sorry Major Alenko, but Flight Lieutenant Moreau is scheduled to be at Hangar 07 by 1000 hours. He is assisting with retrofits for the Normandy SR-2."

Kaidan looked at his watch and realised they had been talking for over an hour. "No problem, I'm sorry to have made him late."

Joker got off the bed, looking happier now that his favourite time of day was here. "Actually, Kaidan, if you have the clearance you should come see the Normandy. I can give you the tour since there's not much I can do today while we're waiting for a part to arrive."

He was surprised and touched by the idea. "I'd love to." He nodded at the guard. "I'll escort Moreau to Hangar 07, you can take a break for today."

The guard saluted and left them alone again.

They chatted some more on the way to the hangar, and though it still felt a little awkward, Kaidan was happy that they were now at least on talking terms. When they got to the hangar, he wasn't ready for the gleaming ship waiting for them there. The Normandy SR-2 was certainly impressive – it had the same familiar shape, but it was almost twice the size, and Kaidan could tell the white and Alliance blue armour coating was new because it was still shining with polish.

Joker grinned when he saw Kaidan's wonder. "Impressed, Major?"

Kaidan could only nod back. "She's incredible!"

Joker laughed and steered him through the open airlock. Kaidan almost missed the old Normandy's VI voice proclaiming that the shore party had returned. _Almost._

Joker gestured for Kaidan to await him in the CIC while he went to the cockpit to drop off the spare part he was working on. The new CIC was eerily familiar, and Kaidan felt a wave of nostalgic déjà vu.

A woman in Alliance uniform was bent over a console in the CIC and didn't look up when Kaidan entered. "Moreau, you're late today! EDI almost didn't let me into the bridge, it took me – oh!" She looked up, finally realising she wasn't talking to Joker. "Oh, um, Major, I'm sorry, I didn't realise we were being inspected today." She saluted him. "Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor, sir."

He smiled to calm her down. "Relax, Specialist Traynor. I'm not here to inspect the ship," Kaidan gestured to Joker as he entered the CIC. "I'm here for an old friend."

She let out a breath. "Oh, thank goodness. Um, it's not that we're not ready, it's just, um, I'd prefer some warning before being inspected."

"Don't worry about it, ma'am. I'm just here informally. But now that I am here, what can you tell me about the updates?"

"Well, we're almost six months into the retrofitting process. We still have some work to do but I'm quite pleased with the progress we've made thus far, sir. I'd like to say she'll be ready ahead of schedule, perhaps in about two to three weeks instead of another month. We've stripped the ship's armour, had it repainted and also reinforced it before reapplying it – the heavy ship armour was of outstanding quality, and the ship's advanced multicore shields worked well with that specific armour so we decided to keep it. Most of our work has been updating the ship to Alliance regs, such as her new quantum entanglement communicator. Other than that, not much has been changed to the physical interior of the ship aside from the new War Room communications hub." She gestured to Joker. "The whole process has been much easier since Joker has re-programmed EDI, the ship's VI, to respond to me as well as him, though nobody can figure out how he did it."

Kaidan looked curiously at Joker, who just shrugged in response. "Thank you for your insight, Traynor."

She smiled. "No problem, Major Alenko. I'll let Joker give you a full tour, I have a few systems to test in the War Room."

She started to exit the CIC but Kaidan stopped her. "Wait, do you know who I am?"

"Yes, actually," she frowned. "I was visiting my family on Horizon when the Collectors attacked. Fortunately my parents and I evaded abduction thanks to Commander Shepard, you, and the Normandy. I'm just glad to… give something back to the ship." She nods and continues to leave. "Good day, sir. Joker."

Kaidan was saddened to be reminded about Horizon again, but happy that at least Traynor's family made it out alright.

But for now he needed to ask Joker a more important question. "Joker, you don't know how to program VIs…"

Joker opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by a pleasant voice. "That is correct, Major Alenko. Jeff is only pretending to know in order to protect me."

"EDI!" Joker was suddenly frustrated, and turning to a glowing, spherical blue hologram that appeared above a console. "What are you _doing_?"

The voice appeared to be coming from the projection, Kaidan realised. "It is quite alright, Jeff. I have concluded that Major Alenko is trustworthy, based on your relaxed demeanour around him and his previous history with Commander Shepard and the Normandy."

Kaidan was stumped. "You're certainly not a VI…"

"That is correct. I am EDI, the Normandy's AI. Jeff requested that I maintain the illusion of my being a simple VI to protect me, but I believe that Jeff could benefit from having another friend around."

"Well, I'm honoured you trust me EDI," he replied (even though he felt strange talking to a sphere).

"Hey, just because I'm talking to him again doesn't mean we're suddenly best buds!" Kaidan shook his head, amused at Joker. "We'll discuss this later, EDI. Maybe now that you're out of the bag _you_ should give your new friend the tour."

Kaidan laughed, but Joker ended up showing him around anyway – he was glad that he finally put his ego aside to apologise to Joker. One of these days he would gain the courage to see Shepard and talk through everything. One of these days. Soon.

But one of these days is too late.

* * *

Aurelia was standing by her window, as she usually was at this hour, watching Vancouver go about its usual morning routine. She could see people leaving their buildings to head to work, children going to school, families having breakfast. If she looked close enough she could see the younger children playing around the house and their gardens, too. It was interesting for her to watch – she never had anything like it growing up, so she didn't feel like she was intruding on these people's personal lives.

The door to her room opened, interrupting her study of the skyline. "Commander."

She turned to see Vega saluting her. "You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James."

He grinned sheepishly at her. "Not supposed to salute you, either." He straightened his back and changed his tone immediately. "We gotta go. Defence Committee wants to see you."

A knot formed in the pit of her stomach. _This can't be good._ Her instincts told her this was something she had been dreading for years; she didn't even dare _think_ the word, lest she willed it into reality. "Sounds important."

"Oh, it's something big."

Shepard started towards the door, quickly glancing in the mirror to make sure she looked presentable. She was in her standard BDUs, the only thing they had given her to wear besides the standard-issue Alliance plain cotton tank tops and trousers. She felt naked wearing the tank tops, so despite being locked up in her room she had taken to wearing the BDU sets daily – she desperately missed her N7-issue clothes (especially her hoodie), but she had been forced to leave it behind on the Normandy. Her hair had also grown; not by much, but it was at an annoying length and these days she preferred tying it up into a stubby ponytail. A few strands always managed to escape, but she didn't care too much. It wasn't like the Alliance were providing her with hairdressers or even anything sharp to cut her own hair with.

James led her out of her room, and she briefly wondered if that was the last time she would see it.

When they got to the Defence Committee Chambers the hallways were full of life – people were so distracted, running from this place to that, barking orders into comms, and punching numbers into datapads that no one even noticed the brawny Lieutenant and former Commander walking among them.

Shepard turned to James with an apprehensive look. "What's with all the commotion?"

"Like I said, something big. It's way above my pay grade, though. You'll have to ask Admiral Anderson."

She followed his gaze and was relieved when she spotted Anderson approaching them. "Anderson."

He reached out and shook her hand – there was never any sign of personal relationships when they were in public like this. After all, an admiral couldn't be caught playing favourites. "You look good, Shepard." He immediately started leading them down the hall at a brisk pace, with James falling into step behind them. "Maybe a little soft around the edges," Anderson joked while patting Shepard's belly.

She self-consciously inspected and patted down her torso. "Very funny."

"Well, six months of hot food and soft beds would do that to anyone."

Shepard frowned. "Where have you been? And what's going on, why is everyone in such a hurry?"

Anderson immediately dropped the amused expression on his face. "Admiral Hackett is mobilising the fleets. I'm guessing word has made it to Alliance Command; something big is headed our way."

She had to say it. She had to put a name to the sour taste in her mouth. "The Reapers?"

Anderson shook his head. "We don't know. Not for certain."

"What else could it be?" She frowned. "We're not ready for them, not by a long shot."

He scoffed. "Tell that to the Defence Committee."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "Unless we're planning to _talk_ the Reapers to death, the Defence Committee is a waste of time."

"They're just scared, Shepard. They haven't seen what you've seen; they don't know the things you know. Hell, your knowledge of the Reapers is the main reason I was able to keep you from being officially court-martialled."

"I'm just a soldier, Anderson," she shook her head. "I'm no politician. I don't know what they could possibly want from me that I haven't told them already."

"I just need you to do whatever it takes to help us stop the Reapers."

The trio entered the foyer to the Defence Committee chambers.

Shepard was still following Anderson through the foyer when James' voice stopped her halfway across the room. "Good luck in there, Shepard."

She turned around to face him. "Thank you, James." She took a few strides back towards him to shake his hand. "Thank you for everything. You've been an excellent guard dog, Vega."

He winked at her. "Just doing my job, ma'am. I must say I've learned a lot from you, thanks for answering all my questions."

She smirked; she found James quite adorable, in a puppy-ish, or apprentice sort of way. Besides, six months of having only James as company meant she had grown used to his chatty, casual nature.

"Don't go spreading that information around, it might get you court-martialled too."

He chuckled. "Well, I gotta say it was worth it. Maybe then I could make like your friend Vakarian and start a vigilante group, no?"

Aurelia opened her mouth to respond but was interrupted. "Shepard."

Her heart skipped a beat, and she swallowed hard before turning. She knew that voice. "Kaidan."

Her gaze immediately fell onto the tall, familiar figure. He had become more muscular since she last saw him, on that damn planet Horizon, but his amber eyes were still the same shade she memorised three years ago. He held her gaze and she willed herself to approach him and Anderson.

"How'd it go in there, Major?"

Kaidan broke his stare to look at Anderson, but Shepard kept her eyes transfixed on him. "Hard to tell. I'm just waiting for orders now."

Something clicked in Shepard's mind, and she finally found her voice. "Major?"

Anderson struggled to keep the surprise out of his voice. "You hadn't heard?"

She felt… hurt? But why should she, when he had made it obvious he was no longer interested by never contacting her after she turned herself over? Still, she felt a little sad at being left out. She tried to hide it and mustered up a warm smile. "No, I hadn't. But congratulations."

Kaidan seemed taken aback by her response. "Uh, thank you. And, uh, sorry, Shepard. It's been… well…"

She was amused by his flustered reply and put him out of his misery. "That's okay. I'm just glad I bumped into you, Kaidan."

His expression softened, as if he felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders. "Yeah, me too."

Anderson started walking again before the moment can become awkward. "Come on."

Shepard followed him slowly, once more making eye contact with Kaidan before turning away. In that brief second he smiled at her, nervously, and she once again tried to put on a warm smile.

 _That wasn't so bad,_ she thought. _Maybe a friendship is salvageable._

She paused in the doorway and took a deep breath before continuing into the chambers.

* * *

"Who the _fuck_ took undead Batarians, combined them with human husks, and then said, 'hey, let's give them a gun! _And_ some grenades!'"

She sent off another blast of Carnage before ducking under cover, narrowly avoiding a barrage of bullets.

Anderson, in cover not too far from her, glared at her. "Shepard, you of all people should know that the Reapers don't fight fair!" He sat up to finish off another Cannibal before ducking again.

"That was a _rhetorical_ question, Anderson!" She peered out and tried to fire her pistol, but it was out of ammo. Instead she hurled a Shockwave down the platform to disorient the beasts and give her and Anderson a moment to breathe. "These shits are annoying, but at least they don't have biotics!" She shuddered, remembering the terrifying blue eezo sacks on the Scions' backs, and glad that those _things_ were a creation of the Collectors.

"Then why the Hell did you bother to ask?!" Anderson picked off two Cannibals still disoriented from Shepard's Shockwave. "Shit, I'm out of ammo. You got any spares, Shep?"

She released another barrage of Warps, Throws, and other biotic attacks at the new group that had arrived. "Nope, I'm all out!" Her implant was starting to ache, not used to this much action after months of inactivity, and she could feel some sort of liquid – sweat? Blood? – rolling down her face, but she needed to protect Anderson and herself at all costs. "You just focus on getting the Normandy here to save our asses, I'll stay on these little shits with my biotics."

As if on cue, a clear voice finally broke through all the static coming through the comm. "The cavalry has arrived!"

She grinned when she saw her beautiful ship appear above them, and gathered up some energy to finish off the last two Cannibals in front of her. She whirled around to where Joker was lowering the Normandy, and though she was initially taken aback by the new paint job, her heart filled with pride to see the Cerberus logos gone, replaced by Alliance logos and a proud Alliance blue.

"Let's go!"

More Cannibals started firing at her and Anderson, so she put up a biotic barrier around them as they ran at the extending cargo ramp, revealing Kaidan perched there, firing at Reaper forces to offer them cover.

She ran up the platform and jumped at the ramp, using a little biotic lift to extend her jump. She landed clumsily and Kaidan shot out an arm to catch her, but she smiled because she had learned better. She caught herself and breezed past his arm, turning back to provide more cover for Anderson.

"Welcome aboard, Shepard."

She was startled at first by his words, but then amused; welcoming her aboard her own ship? She stifled her smile. "Thanks."

Anderson was at the end of the platform, looking up at her.

"Come on, Anderson! I can give you a boost if you need one!"

Another Alliance shuttle approached their location. Anderson glimpsed up at it before looking Shepard in the eye. "I'm not going."

"The Hell you are, I'm not letting you stay here in this mess!"

He shook his head. "You saw those men back there. There's a million more like them and they need a leader."

She lowered her arms, biotics flaring out. "We're in this fight together, Anderson. If you stay, I stay."

"It's a fight we can't win. Not without help. We need every species, and all their ships, if we even want to have a chance at defeating the Reapers."

She wanted to protest, but his words sunk in and she realised he was right. "What if nobody will listen? The Council have doubted me before."

"Then _make_ them listen. Go, and that's an order!"

She stuck her chin up in defiance. "I don't take orders from you anymore, remember?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a chain. _No, it can't be…_

"Consider yourself reinstated, Commander." He threw the object at her. "You know what you have to do."

Shepard looked down at the newly engraved dog tag, shining in her dirty and bloody palm. "I'll be back for you." She looked Anderson in the eye. "And I'll bring every fleet I can. I promise." She started retreating up the ramp backwards. "Good luck."

"You too, Aurelia."

* * *

 **A/N: cue Leaving Earth – Clint Mansell. I cry everytime.**

 **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	6. Chapter 6: Sol is Lost

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to upload this chapter, I got carried away by end of semester woes and holiday season family things. This chapter is a little shorter, I'm sorry about that! I just wanted to post a chapter to show that this fic is definitely NOT dead. And thank you so much to guest (lolord) and Jules Hawk for reviewing! Your reviews really made me happy!**

 **Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect**

* * *

 _Chapter 6: Sol is Lost_

"I'm not going."

The moment Kaidan heard Anderson say those words to Shepard, he had decided to give them some space to talk. He knew Shepard would not be happy, and he was feeling a little awkward perched there on the ramp of the Normandy (especially after his embarrassing ' _welcome aboard'_ moment), so he retreated back up the ramp.

He was inspecting the weapons in the small armoury in the shuttle bay, and unloading into a locker the small duffle filled with his armour that he'd had just enough time to grab before James and Kaidan had raced off to find Joker and retrieve the Normandy. Fortunately, Joker was already on-board during his daily retrofitting schedule and the Normandy had been due for a test flight, meaning that it was fuelled up and ready to fly. It was almost a little too coincidental, but Kaidan was grateful for this fluke.

He noticed a set of N7 armour laid out on a weapons' bench nearby, wondering why it was there. He knew that Anderson was planning to use the retrofitted SR-2 as his command centre, but Shepard was still technically grounded. _Maybe he intended to bring her on as his XO?_

James' angry voice caught his attention. "Bullshit! He wouldn't order us to leave!"

" _Enough_ Lieutenant!" Shepard thrusted an accusing index finger at James' chest. "Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight?!"

The look in James' eyes was distinctively frightened for an instant before resuming his defiant mood. _He obviously has not seen this side of her yet_. "Forget it. Just drop me off someplace, because I–"

"I am the commander of this ship. Our orders are to go to the Citadel and get help." By the way Shepard was standing, you almost could not notice the height difference between the two; she quite literally commanded the air around her. "I don't like it either, but those are our _orders_. This is the only way we can save Earth. If you have such a problem with that, I suggest you get off my ship when we dock at the Citadel and find your own damn transport back."

James gaped for a second but straightened his back. "Yes ma'am." He coughed, adding softly, "I'm sorry, Lola."

She just nodded and pushed past him. "Don't question me again, James."

Kaidan watched Shepard as she approached him, shoulders set determinedly. She glanced at him briefly but the look in her eyes was so fierce, he felt like he imagined their tender moment earlier outside the Defence Committee Chambers.

He decided now was not the time for informal greetings. "Commander, what's going on?"

She headed to the console opposite the weapons bench. "We're going to the Citadel. I need to speak to the Council." She brought up the comm on the console.

The console buzzed in response immediately. "Hey Commander, welcome back!"

"Joker, is that you?"

Joker's scoff was clear. "You think I'd let anyone else fly this baby?"

The soothing voice of the AI interjected. "Jeff, please refrain from calling this vessel your 'baby.' You are neither capable of rearing children, nor did you actually build the Normandy. And we are glad to have you back, Shepard."

Shepard shook her head at the banter between pilot and AI. "We need to get to the Citadel, ASAP. Stop fooling around and fly, you two."

"Commander," EDI's voice rung out again. "There is an incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett. It is quite rough but I will do my best to clear it up. Patching it through."

Kaidan couldn't hear much from the transmission, but he did hear three phrases loud and clear: _"Dr. T'Soni… Mars Archives… way to stop the Reapers…"_

Shepard just turned to the weapons bench displaying her armour, not even bothering to explain to the confused Lieutenant and Major staring at her. "Change of plans, Joker. We need to make a quick stop at the Mars Archives."

Kaidan tried not to smile when he heard Shepard mutter her typical lame joke under her breath. "Looks like we're digging up Liara again…"

* * *

"Shepard, I need a straight answer – why the _hell_ are Cerberus here?!"

His words were coming out harsher than he intended, but he was mad. Furious.

They had witnessed Cerberus execute unarmed personnel, the Alliance soldiers stationed to guard the Mars Archives. Cerberus troops had rounded them up and shot them point-blank before Shepard, Kaidan, and James had intervened. Of course Kaidan was _mad_ – the Archives were supposed to be a safe place for learning, and here Cerberus had come marching in and killed innocent people. He had no doubt they would find more bodies within the base itself.

Maybe it was too mean to blame Shepard, but she had _worked_ with them. The little voice in his head returned, yelling at the top of its lungs, saying that Shepard was still with Cerberus, and turning herself in had been a ruse. Kaidan thought he had silenced all of his doubt, yet here he was questioning her again.

She sighed and placed a palm over her helmeted face. "Kaidan…"

He didn't care that he was being nasty, because he needed answers. "Don't 'Kaidan' me, Shepard, this is business!" She sighed and looked at him. "Do you know anything about why Cerberus is here?"

"What makes you think I know what they're up to?"

"You _worked_ for them, how am I not supposed to think that?" He leaned over the railing on the elevator. "They rebuilt you!" He was grasping for some logic to make sense of the situation, but he couldn't help but notice the scepticism in his own voice. _Is Shepard really capable of treason at this level? Or am I just looking for a scapegoat?_

"We joined forces to defeat the Collectors. I _never_ worked for them, I owe them nothing." She planted herself in front of him and stared into his eyes – well, as much as she could through their helmets. "Let me be _clear_ , _Major_. I cut all ties and I've had no contact with Cerberus since returning to Earth. I have no idea why the fuck they are here, and I'm going to make every sorry Cerberus ass pay for every innocent life they've taken."

James offered his support. "Commander Shepard was under constant surveillance in Vancouver. All of her communications with the outside world were cut off, besides, well, through me. There's no way she's communicated with anyone outside since."

"Sorry, Shepard," Kaidan sighed. "It's just that… it's too coincidental they're h–"

The hiss of decontamination interrupted him, and Shepard turned away from him to remove her helmet.

After he removed his own helmet, he turned to see Shepard looking over her shoulder at him. "You don't trust Cerberus? Fine. But you of all people should know what I'm about."

He sighed and whispered to himself, "of course I do, Shep."

She turned back briefly with what might have been a sad look in her eyes, and Kaidan almost thought that she might have heard him, but Shepard turned away too quickly. She signalled them to draw their weapons, pulling out her own heavy pistol, and the trio entered the garage cautiously.

* * *

She hated him.

(But she didn't.)

Shepard was furious – her biotics were pulsing through her body since they saw Cerberus troops executing people outside. She was, frankly, surprised that she hadn't hurt Vega or damaged the elevator by accidentally discharging the excess dark energy coursing through her. Of course, her anger at Cerberus wasn't helped by the accusations being thrown at her by her former LT.

"You don't trust Cerberus? Fine. But you _of all_ people should know what I'm about."

She started to exit the elevator but was caught off guard by something _he_ whispers. Had he really dared to use her nickname, or was she imagining things?

She shook it off and pulled out her trusted Carnifex, signalling her squad to do the same. Shepard frowned when she realised she was already low on thermal clips – her old gun would need to be upgraded soon.

The trio entered the Archives' garage cautiously, each scanning the area with their omni-tools to check for opposition. But Shepard was distracted by her anger – how could Kaidan say that shit to her, after she had voluntarily been incarcerated for _six_ months? How could he accuse her of treason like this, after all she had done for the Alliance, and humanity? Why was Cerberus here on Mars, killing innocent people?

A scuffle above them, in the air ducts, caught Shepard's attention and broke her out of her thoughts. She rushed to take cover, pistol loaded and ready for whatever may come out. When the familiar blue figure dropped out of the vent and disposed of the troops that followed, Shepard chased away her anger briefly with a wicked smile, rushing to greet her friend.

"Liara!"

The asari turned to her with wide eyes. "Shepard!" Liara hugged her quickly. "I'm so glad you're here. When I heard about Earth, I feared the worst."

Shepard frowned. "It was hard to see."

Liara nodded sombrely. "I am sorry." She looked over Shepard's shoulder, "Kaidan, I'm happy you're here too. It's good to see both of you."

Shepard cut him off before he can respond. It's catty of her, but she wasn't ready to let go of her anger yet. "What's going on, Liara? Admiral Hackett told us you know what's going on."

"I do," Liara smiled. She gestured for the trio to follow her, further into the building and toward a viewing deck. "Desperation, it seems, is extremely efficient motivation. Admiral Hackett and I have been pulling our resources together – his as admiral, and mine as an information broker and archaeologist – to scour different Prothean Archives for ways to stop the Reapers."

Shepard stopped in her tracks. Her pulse quickened, and she was almost afraid to ask. "You've found something?"

"Blueprints for a Prothean device," Liara's smile broadened, "one that I think was designed to defeat the Reapers. Of course, it needs to be built, but I think it's our best shot."

Shepard crossed her arms. "It almost seems to good to be true. Was it really under our noses in the Mars Archives, all this time?"

"The Archives are vast, Shepard, and there are still sections being studied for the first time today. You did discover it barely forty years ago." Liara looked out of the viewing deck at the main structure of the Archives.

Shepard followed Liara's gaze. "So the blueprint is in the Archives, and Cerberus is trying to get there? Do we know why?"

"No, but this device, this weapon, could have the power to stop the Reapers. Something with that much power is–"

"Something the Illusive Man would want his dirty hands on." Shepard cursed under her breath.

James spoke for the first time since entering the garage. "So it's a race to the Archives?"

The sound of troops approaching ended the conversation and put them all on guard.

"Hell yeah, finally time to kick some more Cerberus ass."

Kaidan approached Shepard until they are shoulder to shoulder. "Commander, a suggestion: Lieutenant Vega should stay with the shuttle on the off chance Cerberus gets to the Archives first, so he can block their escape from here."

She hated to admit it was a good idea because she was still mad, but Kaidan was right. And, really, she could never stay mad at Kaidan for too long.

Shepard nodded at him, "good idea, Major. You and Liara flank the doors and take out any Cerberus soldiers that come through." As the pair moved forward, she jogged back to the elevator. "Lieutenant, back to the shuttle."

James' expression was inappropriately disappointed. "What? You're pulling me away from the fight again, Lola?"

She threw him a fierce glare, and it worked – he complied and climbed onto the elevator platform. "We need you guarding the exit, in case Cerberus troops may escape with the data."

"Yes, ma'am."

After Shepard punched in the elevator commands, she rushed to join Liara and Kaidan and to take cover in front of the door. As she hit the first troop emerging with a Warp, as Kaidan threw an Overload at another, and as Liara hit a pair with a Singularity, Shepard half-smiled: the old gang is back together again.

* * *

Kaidan's earlier thought was right, of course – inside the Archives they found nothing but Cerberus troops and the dead bodies of scientists, researchers, and students. It fueled his anger, but he could see with every step deeper into the Archives that he wasn't the only one who was infuriated.

Shepard anxiously watched Liara try to override the blocked tramline, jaw clenched so tightly that Kaidan was worried she could do some damage to her teeth. He reached out to her shoulder, to calm her a little, but he stopped halfway when he remembered that he couldn't do that anymore. Instead, he leaned in slightly and muttered just loud enough for her to hear. "We'll get them, Shepard. Cerberus will pay for what they've done to these innocent people."

 _And to us_ , goes unsaid.

She glanced at him, chestnut eyes a little less outraged, and nodded a thank you.

Liara turned around. "The Archives are on a separate network – we're completely locked out."

Shepard swore under her breath, but Kaidan perked up. "Not if we find a short-range communicator. Helmet-to-helmet."

"And?"

He smirked. "And we convince them we're on their side, tell them the Alliance forces were taken care of."

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Good idea. See what you can find."

He nodded curtly and approached a group of dead Cerberus troops. He scanned a few of them with his omni-tool, finally finding a communicator in the helmet of one who seemed to be this squad's leader. Kaidan called out to Shepard and started trying to remove the dead troop's helmet.

"What have you got?"

"He's got a transmitter in his helmet," Kaidan threw over his shoulder as he struggled with the clunky Cerberus armour. "If I can–"

The face of the helmet came off and Kaidan's stomach turned. "My god…"

"What is it–" Shepard leaned over Kaidan and glimpsed the dead Cerberus troop's face. "What the fuck?"

Kaidan got up to give her a better view. "He… he looks like a husk."

She leaned down and unflinchingly reached for the rest of helmet. "Not quite… but they've definitely done something to him."

"And by they, you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy?" His head was reeling – Kaidan had seen one too many husks on Earth to feel comfortable with the familiar blue glow of the dead eyes. "Cerberus can make their own husks? Is… they didn't use that technology on you, did they?"

"How can you compare me," she gestured at herself, "to _that_?"

He looked down at the glowing eyes again and shuddered. "I don't know _what_ to think, Shepard. They _rebuilt_ you, from the dead!" He sighed. "There's a voice in my head that keeps telling me you're their puppet, and I'm trying so hard not to listen to it. Please… tell me – is the person I followed to hell and back, the person that I loved, are you still in there?"

It was Shepard's turn to sigh. "They didn't change me, Kaidan, or how I feel about you." She reached out and softly placed a hand on his shoulder, holding his gaze for a few seconds.

She pulled back and he found himself immediately missing her touch, even through his armour.

Guilt started to wash over Kaidan – he felt like he has been doing nothing but hurling insults at Shepard, so he tried to loosely lighten the subject. "I'm sorry, it's just… I feel like Cerberus just has all this technology that is way beyond my knowledge. Last time I checked, resurrection was pretty impossible."

It worked somewhat – Shepard rolled her eyes and fished the comm out of the helmet. "Come on, we have work to do."

* * *

 _Bang._

Kaidan's life didn't flash before his eyes. Instead, he saw a life that could have been.

 _Bang._

He saw the ranch outside Vancouver. He saw dark-haired children and blonde children with amber eyes. He saw two retired soldiers growing old together, picking apples from their orchard, and going for walks through the garden on a rainy day.

 _Bang._

But a Collector ship over Alchera and words spoken on a planet called Horizon overshadowed this life.

 _Bang._

And now this robot stood in its way, erasing his dreams and his regrets.

The _thing_ tossed his body aside and turned away from him.

Before everything went black, he thought he could hear his favourite voice shrieking his name through the ringing in his ears. The voice sobered him a little before he lost consciousness.

 _I will survive this, Shepard. I_ will _see you again. Even if it's just to apologise for the wrongs I have done._

* * *

 **A/N:** **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	7. Chapter 7: Writing's on the Wall

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect**

* * *

 _Chapter 7 - Writing's on the Wall_

' _Don't die. That's an order.'_

Kaidan exhaled slowly, letting his spoon rest in the bowl of soup in his hands. He had been awake for almost two weeks, and he still couldn't decide if he had dreamt those words, or if Shepard had actually said them.

He was way out of line on Mars. He could see that now: in the way he heard Shepard speak to the Illusive Man, in the desperation of her voice as Dr. Eva almost escaped with the data, in the way she had cried his name after the robot had left him for dead. Kaidan didn't know what had come over him, what caused him to make such accusations of Shepard, but he knew he had to apologise to her soon. _I've got a great many things to apologise about…_

Kaidan had messaged her the moment he had been granted access to his omni-tool again, two days after he had woken up, asking if she would come see him. He was nervous about her response, but surely the words she muttered to his comatose body meant she still cared and she would visit? Or had he truly dreamt those words?

The reply came a few days later.

 _It's been pretty hectic lately, but I'll be there when I return to the Citadel soon. – Skipper_

Ever since the message, Kaidan made sure to stay awake throughout visiting hours and even taken to going for short walks around the hospital, on the off chance they might be able to converse without him being bed-ridden. It also meant he got to chat with other patients, so that he wasn't driving himself crazy in his room alone with the extranet, since his doctors hadn't yet cleared him for duty. So far he had met a few Salarian and Turian patients, some other Alliance soldiers, and even a Drell.

Kaidan turned his attention back to his bland bowl of soup. His hands were still weak and uncoordinated since waking up, and because he hadn't yet been 'upgraded' to solid foods, he ended up spilling more food on himself than he would like to admit.

The nurse entered to collect his tray, leaving Kaidan to angrily wipe at the soup on his chest. "Wow," he muttered to himself. " _This_ is what Udina wants to make a Spectre? What a sad excuse for a human being, let alone a Spectre." He laughed under his breath. "If only Udina could see me now…"

The door hissed open again and Kaidan jumped at the sight of Shepard in the doorway. "Sh-Shepard, hey!" He hastily tossed the napkin under the bed. _Hopefully she didn't see that_ …

She raised an amused eyebrow at Kaidan. "Hey."

"You just missed snack time." He smiled, trying to brush the nervousness from his expression. "Actually that's probably a good thing… thanks for coming."

"It's no problem at all, Kaidan." She sat on the small stool by his bed. "I ran into Udina on my way here, figured he was here to see you. What did he want?"

He shifted to a more upright position. "He offered me a position as a Spectre. It's a big honour, and a huge responsibility, so I need to be sure before I give him an answer."

She smiled. "That's great, I couldn't think of anyone more deserving than you." She reached into a messenger bag he hadn't noticed before and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. "Makes this gift more appropriate. You can celebrate with this, but probably when you're allowed alcohol again." She handed him the bottle warily. "Please don't drink this while you're still on strong meds, I don't want to be arrested for killing a Spectre. Six months of incarceration was enough for me."

He laughed and put the bottle down on his bedside table. _Same old Shepard._ "Thank you, that's really great. We can crack it open when I'm out of here. And I am _so_ ready to be out of here, Shepard."

"How are you, really, though?" She knew him too well. She furrowed her brows worriedly and all he wanted to do was gently smooth out the frown lines with his thumb.

"Well, my implant, uh, got a little rattled, so Chakwas instructed me to keep the biotics on the down low for a little while." He perked his head up again. "Which, by the way, she's a little sad to be away from the Normandy."

"It's strange without her on the Normandy, but she's doing good work here. Hackett needs his best minds for Project Crucible."

"And it seems like he might start getting a little Turian back up, too." Shepard threw him a questioning look but he grinned guiltily back at her. "They haven't cut me off from the outside world, you know. I'm caught up with galactic news, and my favourite new show is probably _Battlespace_." She laughed at that, and he savoured the sound. "Saving a Turian Primarch from Palaven's moon? That's pretty cool, Shepard."

"Hah, well. That's just what we do."

"And Eden Prime? What were you doing there? None of the news reports had clear cut information."

Her eyes lit up, and he could tell she was eager to share. "You wouldn't believe it – we were recovering what we thought was a Prothean artefact, but turned out to be a stasis pod like the ones on Ilos. Except this one was still active, and the Prothean inside was alive!"

Kaidan's jaw dropped. " _What?_ You're pulling my leg, Shepard."

She shook her head, grinning. "Nope. Real, live, Prothean! Packs a lot of anger against the Reapers… and anger in general. Against us, too, as the 'primitives' who didn't heed their warnings…" She rolled her eyes. "Liara is having a field day, even though this Prothean, Javik, hasn't been cooperative with her attempts at interviews thus far."

"Hah, I'll bet she's really excited… but Eden Prime was where this all began, you'd think that the scientists who found that beacon years ago couldn't have missed something like this!"

"Well, yeah, that's what I thought," she shrugged. "But Javik has agreed to join us in the fight now, so I'm not complaining. Though if he'd been discovered years ago maybe we'd be a little more prepared for the Reapers…"

Kaidan frowned. "Ignorance is bliss, and I'm sure you can see a lot of people here on the Citadel are still trying to ignore the Reaper invasion."

"True… and by the way, that's all classified information, _Major_ , so don't go spreading it around." She winked at him, and his stomach fluttered – he hoped it didn't show on his face.

Kaidan chuckled. "Are you flirting with me, Commander? Wait, wait, don't tell me. Let me live in the illusion."

"Well, if you insist." Her smile faded. "I'm glad you asked me to come, Kaidan. And I'm glad to see you're gonna be okay."

He felt suddenly timid. "Thanks."

"You almost died on my watch," she shook her head. "It was horrible to see. And I care about what happens to you." She leaned against his bed, and Kaidan was grateful that his heart monitor was removed a few days ago – it would be beeping way too fast if it were still hooked up.

"Me too." He impulsively reached down and placed a hand over hers. "And that means a lot to me, Shepard. _You_ mean a lot to me. I should've done this a long time ago, but I'm sorry for what I said, on Horizon _and_ on Mars."

She smiled, a more sober smile than the friendly ones before. "You and I have been through hell together, at each other's backs. That kind of bond is hard to break."

He removed his hand and looked at the ceiling. "No, not just that. You were my commander, sure, but not just that." Kaidan sighed, looking back at Shepard. "So what do you say; are we good?"

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way."

He beamed back at her, feeling a great weight lifting off of his shoulders. "Thanks. I'm really glad you came by; talking like this… it reminds me how much I like you. You and I... we're good together."

"That we are," she smirked. "It was great to have you back on the Normandy."

He returned her smile, genuinely satisfied with how well this conversation was going. He'd apologised, he'd done what he wanted, but he decided to take it a step further.

He adopted a more serious expression and tone. He took a deep breath, nervous for her reaction. "I really need to get this off my chest, Shep. And now might be an inappropriate time, but I need to tell you while I have the chance."

Her eyes softened, and she nodded. "Go on."

He cleared his throat to hide his nervousness. "I need you to know that there hasn't been anyone else, and that I still care about you. A lot. I like having you in my life, as friends, as…" he looked down at his hands, "…more than friends." He looked back up at her. "I know, there's a war going on, and maybe it'll never happen, but I just needed you to know."

The expression in her eyes was unreadable, but he could tell she was surprised. She reached out and softly took his hands in hers. "I like having you in my life, too."

He held her gaze for a moment, and he almost felt like she was going to lean down to kiss him, but in the end she dropped her eyes. "We'll talk it over some other time, Kaidan."

He nodded. This answer was good enough for him. "Fine by me, Shep. I just needed you to know."

Shepard stood up. "I should go. I'm off to this damn diplomatic summit… let's see what we'll get out of it, and hope we don't start another war." She rubbed her forehead in frustration before looking back up at him and throwing him a kind half-smile. "It was great talking to you. Take care."

Kaidan smiled and nodded back at her. "Thanks for coming by."

He was still smiling a few moments after she left.

Though he would never fully feel free of the guilt for the words he spat at her on Horizon (and on Mars), it was a great relief to him that they had made peace with each other. _It's a start_ , he thought.

Kaidan napped for a while, the most restful sleep he had in some time, but begun to feel suddenly boxed in by his hospital room afterwards. He decided to go for a short walk around the hospital to stretch his aching muscles.

In the patient lounge he spotted the friendly Drell patient standing pensively by the window and approached him. "Good afternoon, Mister Saal. How are you feeling today?"

He looked up at Kaidan. "Ah, you're awake. My symptoms are relatively manageable today, thank you very much."

"I'm glad to hear that," Kaidan smiled.

The Drell turned to face Kaidan full on. "But I should introduce myself properly to you. Commander Shepard mentioned you are… _friends_ , and as she is a dear friend to me I promised to keep an eye on you." He reached out a hand. "My real name is Thane Krios. It's a pleasure to truly make your acquaintance, Major Alenko."

Kaidan was taken off guard, but remembered where he had heard the name before. "Please, call me Kaidan." He shook Thane's hand firmly and smiled. "Well, I guess I should also confess that I read the documents from the SR-2 after the Alliance commandeered it. It's nice to put a face to the name."

Thane shifted uncomfortably. "Ah, so you have read my file." He locked his hands behind his back, black eyes unreadable. "You should know that those days are behind me, Maj–" Thane cleared his throat. "Kaidan. But this hospital is not the most secure place on the Citadel – the Batarians hold much anger towards humans for destroying the Alpha Relay, and Cerberus has many spies, but I promised Siha that I would watch over you. You are safe here."

Kaidan was startled, but in a good way. He knew Shepard never had trouble connecting with her crew, and he read in the SR-2 files that she had even reconnected Thane with his son. But Thane promising to watch over someone he didn't even know? That was an inherent kindness that supported Kaidan's intuition; he was never one to judge 'aliens' for being, well, 'alien,' and every experience with another species told him he was right to do so (even the bad experiences, like Vyrnnus, or the Vorcha mafia).

"I don't know what to say. That's very kind of you, Thane. Thank you."

The Drell smiled at him. "You do not have to thank me, Kaidan. I owe Siha both my life and that of my son. She is an irreplaceable friend, and she has enough to worry about. I did not want her to have to worry about your safety, nor your condition." He gestured at Kaidan, "though I can see you are much better than when we first met."

Kaidan smiled at Thane's light-hearted comments – he wasn't the brooding assassin his dossier on the SR-2 would suggest, and Kaidan suspected his reunion with his son might have had something to do with it.

He was about to reply when he realised something. _Siha?_ The first time he thought it might be a translator glitch, but no, Thane had called Shepard that twice. "Um, sorry, if I may ask, but what do you mean by Siha?"

"Ah, forgive me." Thane gestured to two chairs with a gleaming view of the Presidium and the pair sat down. "Siha is a deity in my faith, a warrior-angel of the goddess Arashu. The Commander's demeanour is akin to that of Siha. I have taken to calling her this."

Kaidan didn't know if he should feel proud or jealous. First Lola, and now Siha; it seemed like Shepard could collect nicknames and companions from anywhere. _So why does she need me?_

He batted away the thought immediately. Self-deprecation and jealousy were not something Kaidan had ever partaken in and he wasn't about to start.

"Thank you for telling me. You must respect Aurelia a lot to call her after a deity."

"I do. She also asked me what it meant, once." Suddenly Thane's eyes glazed over and he stared off into space, murmuring so low that Kaidan could barely hear him. "The hum of the engine is low and comforting. Lights are dimmer while we are at FTL speeds. She asks me, her eyes curious, what Siha means. I tell her, eyeing the fresh bruises on her arm from her previous mission. She cares almost too much about her crew. Overwhelming gratitude washes over me. She has reunited me with Kolyat. I thank her again. She pushes back a strand of blonde hair. She makes a light joke, and I smile. I haven't smiled in a long time. She is the first friend I have made in ten years."

Thane exhaled, as if he had been released from a trance. "I am sorry. That was unintentional."

"There is no need to apologise, Thane," he smiled. He had read about Thane's flashbacks, but to witness it was something else entirely. "If you don't mind, I'd like to know more about your eidetic memory. I've never met a Drell, actually, and I would love to talk with you."

* * *

"Promotions are sometimes more exasperating than they are worth, it would seem."

Kaidan was released from the hospital just a few days earlier, finally cleared for 'light' active duty. Shepard had visited him again the day before he was discharged but couldn't stay for Kaidan's (inappropriately) flashy Spectre induction ceremony – she was on her way to Tuchanka, and had stopped by the Citadel to restock, refuel, drop off salvage, and drop off her injured former Krogan squadmate (what was his name? Blunt? Grunt? Kaidan couldn't quite remember – there wasn't a dossier for him on the SR-2). He was almost relieved that she couldn't make it, because if he was embarrassed by the extravagance of the ceremony in a time like this, he knew she would be downright outraged. He himself had left as soon as he was sure his presence would not be missed.

Still, Kaidan returned to the hospital daily for his afternoon chats with Thane. He enjoyed the Drell's company, and it gave him a break from all the bureaucracy; having only been cleared for 'light' activity, he was being assigned more paperwork and intel than he had on Earth, and he was sick of it.

"You got that right, Thane." Kaidan chuckled softly. "At least I can wear armour again, instead of those hospital gowns they had me in."

A scream pierced the calm of Huerta Memorial, startling the pair. Thane reacted quicker, immediately pulling Kaidan behind a bench so they were out of view. A few shots rung out, and Kaidan heared the scuffle of what sounded like trained soldiers marching through the entrance.

"Cerberus," Thane whispered.

Kaidan cursed internally. _What is Cerberus doing here?_ He pulled out his pistols, thankful that he brought a spare but cursing himself for not equipping an assault rifle today, even though he had no reason to bring a heavier gun to a hospital _._ He silently handed his spare pistol to Thane, who accepts it unquestioningly.

"I saw only a handful of troops. How is your implant? We may be able to save at least the hospital."

"My implant is fine. My biotics won't be so strong today but we can do this." Kaidan peered over the bench at the five soldiers who were ordering all people in the patient lounge to hold their hands up. He turned back to Thane. "Five. We can take five of them. We'll flank them, take out the group and seal the hospital. It should protect the hospital enough to maintain functionality for the patients."

Thane bowed his head, and the pair split up. Kaidan crawled towards the front of the lounge while Thane crawled towards the back. When he was in position, he couldn't even see Thane to signal at him – it was as if Thane had disappeared. _And I wondered how he was a good assassin._ Kaidan activated his Barrier and sprung up, throwing a Reave at one soldier to divert him and shooting at another. Thane appeared out of nowhere behind the troops turning their attention to Kaidan, twisting the neck of one before shooting another in one quick, swift movement. Kaidan shot the last troop and Thane finished off the one hit by the Reave.

Kaidan ran to the elevator, pulling out his omni-tool. He shouted to a doctor near him. "I'm going to seal off the entrances to make sure they can't come back, make sure the patients are alright! I'll send C-Sec as soon as it is safe."

The doctor nodded shakily as Thane ran up behind Kaidan. They entered the elevator and Kaidan sealed the entrances.

Thane panted a little, looking at Kaidan's handiwork on the door. "A Spectre and a retired assassin. Quite a team."

"This should feel like déjà vu for you, Thane."

Thane's mouth upturned slightly, and Kaidan thought that was as big a smile as he would get from Thane; he'll take it. "Not quite. But we should head to C-Sec Headquarters, find out what is happening and support C-Sec."

The elevator _dinged_ and opened at the Embassy levels. Kaidan scanned the area but saw no enemies in the immediate vicinity so he stepped out.

Kaidan turned back to Thane. "I have to protect the Council. There are currently no other Spectres on the Presidium, and I'm their best shot. You go to C-Sec HQ, I'll evacuate the Council and if C-Sec is safe, I'll bring them there. Keep the pistol!"

"Very well, then."

"Good luck, Thane."

"You too, Kaidan."

Kaidan sprinted down the hallway, making sure to scan for heat signatures and life forms all the way. Where would the Council be right now? He couldn't quite remember their schedules but he could remember that Councillor Valern had an appointment with the Executor – perhaps at least he was safe right now. Kaidan reached the Earth Councillor offices and found them deadlocked from the inside, which was surely a good sign. Hopefully Udina was in there, safe. He overrode the lock with his Spectre codes and ducked into Udina's office.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Tevos and Sparatus with Udina, all three frantically arguing about what to do next.

"Spectre Alenko!" Sparatus glimpsed Kaidan over Udina's shoulder first. "Thank goodness you were on the Presidium. Do you have any idea what's going on? Our bodyguards were ambushed, thankfully Udina sealed us in here before any of those mercenaries got to us."

Kaidan sealed the door behind him. "It's Cerberus. I don't have a lot of information but from what I can tell they're sieging the Citadel. There is almost no one on this level currently and if we leave now, we can get you to a shuttle and off the station for your safety!"

Udina shook his head. "No, Alenko! We are safest in here, with the door deadlocked. It would take a long time for anyone to hack through that and surely by then C-Sec can secure the station!"

"Cerberus is not just anyone, sir. They have advanced technology and if they have been able to get this far, they are surely not going to take long to find us now. I know it's a tricky situation but we have to leave, now."

Tevos nodded. "He is right. Waiting here will leave us more vulnerable!"

"What are we waiting for?" Sparatus seemed more nervous than his usual smug self. "Let's go!"

Kaidan scanned the area once more before leading the three Councillors out of the office. If they could get to the closest C-Sec outpost there should be a squad car that could take them to the docks, which would be the best way to remain untouchable. But that was easier said than done, especially with the slow pace the Councillors were moving at.

Fortunately there were very few Cerberus troops on this level, and Kaidan dispatched them easily. Tevos put a biotic barrier around her, Sparatus, and Udina whenever Cerberus troops were around and Kaidan was grateful that of all Councillors combinations he could be escorting, they had a natural biotic with them.

They reached the nearest elevator relatively unharmed. _So far, so good._ They almost reached their level unharmed when there were footsteps heard on top of the elevator.

"Gunmen! Get down!" Kaidan fired at the roof a few times before the elevator skidded to a stop. "Let's go! Run for the shuttle!" He led them out of the elevator only to see the C-Sec outpost (and squad cars) in flames.

His mind started racing. He was failing at his first serious task as a Spectre; his plan to get the Council to safety failed. He couldn't think of anything better than to take them back down to the Embassies, to go with Udina's original plan. It wasn't perfect but it _had_ to do – Kaidan was on his own.

"Alright, Councillors, back to the elevator!" He skirted around the three Councillors and jogged towards the elevator to make sure any reinforcements would have to deal with him first. "We'll have to take shelter in an office, and–"

The elevator doors hissed open in front of him and he pulled up his gun, ready to fire when a tuft of familiar blonde hair stalked out of the elevator.

"Shepard?" He lowered his weapon for a split second, relieved that he has some back up, but he quickly realised something was not right. Shepard had her heavy pistol raised, pointed in his direction, and she didn't even seem surprised to see him. And next to her – _is that Eva Core_? Kaidan raised his weapon again, shoulders setting in the defensive and brows furrowing angrily. He didn't even know whom to aim at, so he settled for the body of that robot, whatever it was. He watched Garrus jam the elevator doors shut with his omni-tool and mustered his courage. "Shepard what the _hell_ is going on?"

Udina came up next to Kaidan and he could see that she wasn't actually aiming at Kaidan – Udina was her target. "Isn't it obvious? She's with Cerberus! She must have orchestrated this coup and come to finish the job!"

Her gaze was unwavering, her aim was steady. "I can explain, Kaidan."

Kaidan glanced between Udina and Shepard. "I don't know, Shepard. Gun raised on a Councillor? And you're standing next to Eva Core. This looks bad."

Kaidan could count the number of times he had seen Shepard lower her guard (like when she tried to convince Saren to break free of his indoctrination) on one hand and still have fingers left over. So when she lowered her gun and told Garrus and Eva Core to do the same, he didn't know what to think – he just kept his pistol trailed on the robot body, because he couldn't bring himself to aim at Aurelia.

She took a step forward. "We've all been betrayed. Udina has deceived us and handed us on a plate to Cerberus. Councilor Valern confirmed this."

Udina scoffed beside Kaidan. "Me? How typical! You never liked me, Commander, and now you're using me as a scapegoat! You never have proof! Of course you are in league with Cerberus, you have been for over a year now!"

Kaidan was still glancing between Udina and Shepard. _What the hell is going on?_ The little voice in his head from Mars was back, telling him to end this situation and save the Council. _Do your duty, Spectre._

But what if Shepard was right? And the Council needed protection from Udina? _Is that why he wanted us to stay in the offices?_

Tevos almost mirrored Kaidan's thoughts. "We have mistrusted Shepard before, and it did not bode well for us."

Udina stalked away, behind Kaidan. "To hell with this, I'll open the doors myself."

He angled his body so that he could keep his gun trailed on Eva Core and watch Udina from the corner of his eyes as well. "Everybody just calm down! I can handle this!"

"Kaidan…" Her voice was pleading. " _Please_ , believe me this time."

Something about the way Shepard said those words silenced all doubt in his mind.

He looked at her straight in the eye. "I do." Kaidan spun around on his heels and aimed at Udina. "Councillor Udina, please step away from that console."

Udina ignored Kaidan and continued typing away, trying to override Garrus' lock. _Good luck with that, Garrus is pretty good with that sort of thing._

"Udina," Tevos cautioned, approaching him slowly.

Suddenly he turned to her, shoving her onto the ground and pulling out a small pistol. "To hell with _all of you_!"

His first instinct was not to attack Udina, but to protect Tevos – he threw a biotic barrier over her just in time to hear a shot ring out. But it wasn't Udina's gun; it was Shepard's.

Udina dropped, his gun clattering to the floor.

Kaidan rushed over to Councillor Tevos to help her up before making sure Councillor Sparatus is also fine. Curiously, the Turian looked most affected by the drama, while Tevos was her usual composed self. He led them towards Shepard and her squad, hoping to regroup and figure out how the hell to get the two Councillors to safety.

A familiar synthetic voice rung out from Eva Core's body, which itself had turned back towards the door with its weapon raised. "Commander, the lock on the door is being overridden. Armed personnel on the other side."

Shepard turned back around herself. "How many, EDI?" _Okay, what? EDI?_

"Three. Wait! My scanners do not detect Cerberus upgrades. These are not Cerberus troops."

Sure enough, the door slid open to reveal Commander Bailey and two C-Sec officers. "Shepard! Glad you made it to the Council in time." He looked past the awkward group at Udina's body. "…or what's left of it."

"Bailey, where's Cerberus? Where's that assassin?"

"Something isn't right," Tevos spoke up again. "Commander Shepard said there were Cerberus troops in the elevator shaft?"

Bailey shrugged. "There were, until they heard us coming through. Then they beat feet into the Keeper tunnels. I hate to break it to you, Councillors, but Commander Shepard just saved your life. Again." He looked at his officers. "Call up another squad to secure the area, you two escort the Councillors to C-Sec HQ until we can secure their residences and the Presidium. We'll take it from here, Major, Commander."

"The assassin, he got away?"

"I'm sorry, Commander," Bailey shook his head. "We couldn't get to him, and we have an entire station to secure. But thanks to your friend, Councillor Valern is alive and well. Though I can't say the same about your friend – he's being transported to Huerta Memorial now."

Shepard sighed. "Damn it. EDI and Garrus, get back to the Normandy. Bailey, can you get me a car to the hospital?"

"Sure thing, Commander."

Kaidan felt awkward eavesdropping on this conversation, but with a sinking feeling in his stomach realised whom this friend might be. "Shepard, I'll come with you. I also want to make sure Thane is fine." He would just have to ask her about EDI being in Eva Core's body later.

She turned to him with sad eyes and nodded. "Alright. Thane could probably use some moral support right now."

He frowned. By 'Thane,' she meant herself – if there was one thing Kaidan learned about Thane through their conversations, it was that he was truly at peace.

"You're probably right. Let's go."

* * *

It was so strange for Shepard to see Thane in a fragile position like this, in a hospital bed, barely getting one word out between coughs. She couldn't stop blinking back tears since she entered the room – she just lost Mordin, and now she was about to lose another close friend. _How many? How many before this war is over?_

Kaidan had quickly excused himself after seeing Kolyat was also in the room, wanting to give the three some privacy. She was grateful he had accompanied her, though. It was a good sign, especially after their tense face-off, and she was glad she didn't have to be alone en-route to Huerta Memorial. She'd have to find him later to thank him, not only for that but also for trusting her about Udina – Kaidan was a stubborn one and hated confronting problems without hard evidence, and believing her would be a step in the right direction if they were to mend bridges and trust each other again. Not that she had any problems, she trusted him, but she didn't quite believe that _he_ trusted _her_ yet. She couldn't really blame him, though.

But that was secondary. Right now, she had to be with Thane and Kolyat.

Thane cleared his throat weakly after a short coughing fit. "That assassin should be ashamed. A dying man prevented him from reaching his target."

Shepard smiled sadly. "I'll make sure he gets that message."

Thane tried to recite a prayer, but his coughing fits interrupt him and Kolyat continued. She listened to the words carefully – she was never one for religion, but she wouldn't deny that these passages are beautiful, and if faith gave Thane and Ashley something to believe in, then who was she to deny that?

"Commander," Kolyat moved over to the other side of the bed, where Shepard was standing. "I brought a prayer book, if you would like to join me."

"I would be honoured. Thank you, Kolyat." She took the book from him – a _real_ , bound book – and recited the verse he pointed out to her. "Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."

When she looked up, Thane is gone.

Shepard and Kolyat stood in silent vigil by his body for a few minutes.

"Kolyat," she whispered. "Why was the last verse addressed as 'she?'"

Kolyat blinked and a few tears fell from his eyes. "He was at peace, Commander. His wish… was for you."

She looked up at him, tears stinging her own eyes, and he just suddenly looked so _young_. She couldn't help but pull Kolyat into an embrace.

"Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for everything, Commander."

* * *

 **A/N:** **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	8. Chapter 8: Welcome Aboard

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update this fic! I'm in the middle of my last semester of college and things have been hectic. That being said, as a senior-year elective I've been taking a fiction writing class, and it is changing my life. I've been reconsidering my writing technique because of it; this chapter onwards is a little different from the others, and I plan to eventually go back and revamp all the chapters of this fic (you might notice already some changes in previous chapters). But for now, onwards we go! And I also promise to stop putting these author notes before the content so that you can just get to** _ **reading**_ **…**

 **Thank you to Jules Hawk for reviewing! And thank you to everyone who is following this little fic of mine!**

 **Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect**

* * *

 _Chapter 8: Welcome Aboard_

"If… if it had come down to it, would you have shot me?"

Shepard crossed her arms and sighed. She should have expected this question.

Kaidan had appeared at the docks before she could make her way back to the Normandy. Shepard wasn't surprised, seeing how the day had gone, and was glad that he'd sought her out – it meant she wouldn't have to go find him herself, since he'd disappeared from the hospital. After leaving Kolyat, she'd sought out C-Sec to give her accounts of what happened for the oncoming investigation. She was glad to see Councillor Tevos present at C-Sec HQ, helping out with the investigation, because it meant that the Council (or, at least a third of the Council) was _finally_ taking action against Cerberus. _Now if only they did that for the Reapers too…_

But for now, there was a more _major_ issue in front of her.

"No," Shepard sighed. She couldn't meet his eyes, so she defensively crossed her arms in front of her chest. "No, Kaidan. I could never shoot you. I would have found another way to get it done."

There was a pause. When she looked up her former LT was leaning against the dock's railing with a knot on his forehead; Shepard resisted the urge to reach up and massage it out.

"I'm sorry," Kaidan whispered. He turned his head to face her and raised his voice. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you at first."

She leaned against the railing next to him. "You don't have to be. You trusted my word in the end, and the outcome is what matters."

"But sometimes how something goes down _does_ matter, Shep. Knowing you acted with integrity, knowing your actions were right… _that's_ when it matters."

Shepard smiled softly; this was her old LT alright, complete with little rain cloud over his head.

"And the situation resolved in the best way possible. Udina would never have come in without a fight, and we did what we had to do to protect the Citadel and the Council." She tentatively placed what she hoped was a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Besides, we're Spectres. We're above the law to get the job done, and we might not like it but that's sort of the job."

"I guess… I guess you're right."

Kaidan looked up at the Normandy with a pensive look in his eyes, as if mulling something over. Shepard put her hand back on the railing and stared with him at her beautiful ship. The new paint wasn't as shiny or clean as it was a few weeks ago, but in her eyes it still looked better than the orange and black Cerberus colours.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "I don't suppose there's any extra room on the Normandy for me, is there?"

Shepard swallowed. Of course there was room, and of course she wanted him there. She'd wanted him by her side on the SR-2 since waking up at the Lazarus Station over a year ago. But since Mars, she had had some time to think.

Cerberus was after her. The Illusive Man had made that clear. He'd also pointed out that he not only knew about her history with Kaidan, but that the Illusive Man was not afraid to use it against her – he'd demonstrated that on Mars. With both Cerberus and the Reapers after her, the last thing she wanted was for Kaidan to be hurt to get to her. The other side of that, of course, was that the Normandy was probably the safest place for Kaidan to be.

Not that he needed her protection, of course.

She side-eyed Kaidan, who was still looking pensively at the Normandy. No, he definitely did not need her protection, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try.

The man in question interrupts her thoughts. "Admiral Hackett offered me a position within the Fleet, with a biotic spec ops unit. He wants me to lead it." He looked up at Shepard, eyes imploring. "But I'd turn it down in a second if there was a chance to be on the Normandy again."

Her heart jumped. Yes, Kaidan was a talented soldier and a brilliant leader, and no, he didn't need her protection. Except Shepard would rather he fight by her side, where she could keep an eye on him, than worry about him and his team fighting against Reaper forces. She knew she'd be taking away a valuable asset from Admiral Hackett, but _goddamn it_ couldn't she be selfish, just once?

"Welcome aboard, Major."

* * *

There were few things that slipped EDI's attention.

Currently, she was monitoring and running diagnostics on approximately 3000 programs of the Normandy's mainframe, reviewing incoming communications, analysing data being transmitted about the war, _and_ surveying the ship's crew, to name a few tasks. The last task was almost unnecessary; EDI had calculated the probability of treason by any one of the Normandy crew to around 0.3%. Her calculations were based on but not limited to: the crew's prior history with Commander Shepard, their history of Systems Alliance service, and even their emotional feelings towards the Commander. EDI did not monitor the crew out of necessity, but more of… concern?

Yes. That was the appropriate word. She only wanted to ensure the crew's safety and catch a potential emergency as soon as possible. If a member of the crew hurt themselves while alone, she would know immediately and send help. Concern, EDI determined, was the correct word to describe her actions.

That was interesting, she found. Concern was an emotional response. She noted down the finding and filed it under 'to ask Shepard.' _That_ folder was growing a bit too large.

Currently, most crew and members of Shepard's squad were on board. Doctor T'Soni was conferring with her virtual intelligence drone, Lieutenant Vega was helping Lieutenant Cortez re-take stock in the armoury, and Javik was calmly seated in Port Cargo. (This was the third instance Javik was stationary in his abode. Perhaps he was meditating. EDI made another note to ask him once he was active again.) Garrus Vakarian was ashore, the signal from his armour indicating C-Sec Headquarters. EDI surmised he was assisting his former colleagues with clean up and would continue to do so for the remainder of their docking period. Specialist Traynor was at her station, going through messages on her console.

Jeff was seated next to her in the pilot's seat. He had glanced at EDI's mobile platform approximately seven times since she put her mobile platform into standby mode.

"Jeff, is something troubling you?"

"I'm sorry if I still find it creepy you can turn off your body whenever you want, EDI." He fiddled with the console in front of him, checking numbers that EDI had already reviewed. "It just feels weird, like you're dead."

"I _am_ the Normandy, Jeff. Even when my mobile platform goes into standby or if it sustains enough damage to be rendered non-functional, I am not dead. I simply do not require my mobile platform currently, and I work at maximum efficiency without having to maintain it."

"But…" Jeff sighed. "Never mind."

"This is not the first time my mobile platform has gone into standby, Jeff. What makes this time different?"

"I don't know," he sighed again. "I guess I was worried when Shepard took you out there to fight Cerberus and now it's just strange to see your body lifelessly in standby. Like you got hurt out there or something."

"Ah, perhaps you feel like this because it is a simulation of an organic death following a dangerous mission?"

"It's ridiculous, forget I said anything."

Jeff was frustrated with her. Another 'to ask Shepard;' priority number one.

But for now, she brought her mobile platform out of standby and turned to face Jeff. "Is this better, Jeff?"

He glanced at her. "A little."

EDI was extremely advanced intellectually, technologically, in almost every way. However, she reasoned she still had a ways to go in terms of emotional and social skills. When she was first created she wasn't even at the level of a child; even children could pick up on mild social cues. She had come far, yes, but EDI still had difficulty with assessing emotional and social situations. Shepard had been a big help with it.

Speaking of which, where was the Commander currently?

EDI scanned for Shepard's armour and found the signal returning quite close to the ship. Commander Shepard was on the Docks.

"The Commander is on her way back to the ship, Jeff. I detect her hardsuit signal on the Docks."

"Thanks for the heads up, EDI." He fiddled with his comm. "Traynor? Yeah, Shepard is on her way back, I figure you might have a few messages for her. You're welcome. Oh, and I think Liara wanted to talk to her too. Can you let her know? She's in her office at the moment."

The signal from Shepard's suit remained unmoving. What was the delay?

"Jeff, the Commander is still on the Docks but is not making her way towards the ship. Should I make contact to see if something is wrong?"

Jeff leaned towards the window and looked at the viewing platform of the Docks. He inhaled sharply through his teeth. "Nope, do not try to make contact. From what I can see, she's talking to a certain Major out there…"

Curious.

Yet another emotion – yet another 'to ask Shepard.' It was filed away for later.

But EDI's curiosity got the better of her, and she tapped into the surveillance cameras on the Docks. It took a moment to bypass the security, but eventually she had her view: Commander Shepard and Major Alenko were conversing by the Normandy's docking platform. Currently, the Major was leaning against the railing while the Commander had her arms crossed. EDI analysed their stances to mean there was some sort of tension between them.

"Jeff… it would appear the Commander and the Major are having a serious talk." She paused – if she could frown, this is when she would. "This does not reflect their previous interactions. Why do you think that is?"

"Why do I… _what_?" Jeff's voice was incredulous.

The Commander shifted her stance to lean against the railing next to the Major.

"Have I said something wrong?"

"Sorry, EDI," Jeff responded while rubbing his face. "Sometimes I forget that you're trying. Alright, well, you already know Shepard and Kaidan have a past. I guess that's why you assume they'd get along fine, right?"

"That is correct."

"Well, it's not really fun to have an armed stand-off with a… friend," he turned away from the window and went back to working on the console. "You saw what happened today yourself, didn't you?"

"Yes. But it ended peacefully, and both Commander Shepard and Major Alenko were simply doing their jobs."

"They might have been doing their jobs," he glanced out the window again quickly, "but that doesn't change the fact that they would have had to shoot each other if neither backed down."

EDI digested the information. "I see. So you think they are discussing what may have happened?"

Jeff scoffed. "I _know_ they're discussing it. Those two have a lot of _things_ to discuss…"

EDI was going to probe his meaning when she detected movement on the feed. The pair had shaken hands and were starting to enter the docking tube.

"Commander Shepard and Major Alenko are making their way on-board."

Jeff turned to face her mobile platform wide-eyed. "Both?"

As if on cue, Shepard's voice came over the comm. "EDI, Shepard here. Please open the airlock, Major Alenko and I are boarding."

"Acknowledged, Commander," she obliged and opened the airlock. EDI turned to Jeff, "perhaps I should greet Commander Shepard and Major Alenko."

She stood up but before she could take a step Jeff caught her wrist. "No! Kaidan doesn't know about your body yet!"

"But Major Alenko saw my mobile platform in action today."

"Yes, but he doesn't know it's _you_ in there. Because, you know, the last time he saw your body it was trying to kill him?"

That was correct. Though Jeff wasn't willing to answer many of her questions, he was still helpful with other situations.

"I recommend discretion, EDI. Don't be the first face he sees on-board – approach him later, maybe with a friendly proposition."

The hiss of the decontamination chamber echoed into the cockpit. EDI watched the Major and Commander make their way towards the CIC, eventually stopping to talk with Specialist Traynor.

"Thank you for the help, Jeff."

"Don't mention it."

EDI continued to observe the scene. Again, curiosity got the better of her and she turned her attention to the Normandy's surveillance system to listen into the conversation.

"Specialist Traynor, this is Major Kaidan Alenko. He'll be transferring to work on the Normandy."

"Pleasure to meet you again, sir," Specialist Traynor saluted the Major. "Happy to know we're getting another great soldier on the team."

Shepard raised her eyebrow. "You know each other?"

Alenko reached out and shook Traynor's hand. "Yes, actually. We met briefly during the retrofitting process in Vancouver."

A look of recognition passed over Shepard's face before she continued. "I see. Anyway, any updates, Traynor?"

The Specialist shook her head. "Nothing urgent, ma'am. Admiral Hackett would like a report and debrief about what happened on the Citadel, but more importantly Doctor T'Soni would like to speak with you."

"Right, okay. Let her know I'll meet her in her office after I get this armour off. For now, Major Alenko will need help submitting his transfer documentation to Admiral Hackett, could you assist him with that?"

"Of course ma'am! Will do right away."

"Thanks," Shepard nodded first at Traynor, then at Alenko before entering the elevator.

EDI watched Traynor and Alenko working on the documents for a few minutes before she decided to make her friendly approach, as Jeff had suggested. (He also tried to stop her before she left. When she had made it clear she would continue, he again stressed caution.)

"Good evening, Major Alenko," EDI started.

He turned to face her mobile platform but as soon as he saw it, EDI detected increased heart rate and slight biotic charge up in his right hand.

"There is no need to be concerned, Major. I am EDI. This platform is no longer controlled by Eva Core – I have taken it," she gestured at herself, "or 'commandeered it,' to better serve Commander Shepard and the Alliance in the Reaper war. In addition to its infiltrative uses, as demonstrated on Mars, it can be quite useful in combat situations like you saw today."

Alenko did not change his defensive stance. "And there's no way Cerberus could regain control?"

EDI shook her head; a human gesture to add an emotional touch. "I have scrubbed any viruses that may have lingered, and I can assure you this platform cannot be corrupted by anyone outside the Normandy."

Specialist Traynor placed a hand on Alenko's shoulder. He looked at her with surprise; Traynor smiled and removed her hand, and Alenko relaxed his stance. "I helped EDI with that. I can assure you there's nothing to worry about, Major."

"Very well," he sighed. "You'll forgive my hesitation, as I just got out of hospital not too long ago and I have no desire to go back."

"Well, sir, we don't want you to go back either!" She finished typing something on the console and turned back to them. "We're done here, Major. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"My armour and a few of my things, I'll have them delivered here. Please let me know when they arrive."

"I'm sure EDI will be happy to do so for you, sir," Traynor smiled at both EDI and Alenko again.

"Thank you, Specialist. Dismissed," he nodded at Traynor.

EDI watched Traynor head for the War Room before turning to Major Alenko. "Major, would you perhaps like to meet the crew? We have had a few new additions since you've been away."

Alenko looked at her apprehensively, as if considering something. "Sure, I suppose. But why?"

She led him towards the elevator. "As a so-called token of friendship. If this mobile platform is going to be a part of the squad, I would very much like to be on amicable terms. I do not want you to think it may betray you on the battlefield, and perhaps a friendly chat and walk around the ship would help."

Alenko looked amused. "You learn fast, EDI. Especially from Aurelia."

EDI considered the comment as the elevator descended to level 4. The Major was right – now that she was looking for the pattern, EDI observed that the Commander had numerous conversations with her squadmates and had, on average, conducted 1.4 circuits of the Normandy per day. Perhaps walking and talking were good ways to build friendships. Another 'to ask Shepard.'

"So, who are we meeting first?" Alenko asked as they exited the elevator.

"I thought you may like to meet our Prothean guest, Javik."

The doors to Port Cargo opened quietly and EDI immediately detected the change in humidity. Javik was seated as he was earlier, in the middle of the room with his back facing them.

"Good evening, Javik," EDI stepped into the room.

"I am glad that pilot has not managed to convince you to call me 'Prothy the Prothean.'" He turned his head slightly. "Who is this?"

"Major Kaidan Alenko, Systems Alliance. I'll be joining the Normandy crew."

EDI watched as Javik turned his head further and inhaled a few times. "You have been on-board before." He sniffed again. "You lost a lot of blood in the med bay."

EDI continued to be impressed with Javik's senses. Major Alenko, however, was taken aback.

"What?"

Finally, Javik stood up and faced them. He eyed Alenko up and down. "You were injured and lost a lot of blood in the med bay. Your scent still lingers there."

"Javik has the heightened sensory abilities that Protheans had," EDI explained. "He can ascertain many things by simple touch and smell."

Alenko raised his eyebrows. "Ah. Okay."

"So you are in fact not joining the crew," Javik continued his deductions, "but re-joining." He paused again to study Alenko. "You must be the one the Commander visited in the hospital many times. The one she was so concerned about."

"That is… impressive and a little creepy."

"The way it should be," Javik replied. He turned back to his little makeshift table.

"From my assessment of Javik's behaviour, the Protheans highlighted respect and fear as key traits in maintaining their empire. That is why he finds it pleasing you are impressed and perturbed."

"Okay… maybe we should move on then." Alenko moved back towards the door.

"Your AI is becoming too assertive. Be wary." Javik mumbled something else under his breath as they left, something about 'throwing it out the airlock,' but EDI pretended not to hear it.

EDI took Alenko next to see Engineer Adams, who was pleased to have the Major back with the crew. They stopped quickly by the shuttle bay and headed to see Doctor Michel on Deck 3. The doctor also expressed happiness to have Alenko back and hugged him, explaining that he and the Commander had done a great many favours for her back in the day.

"Well," Alenko made his way to the Starboard Observation Deck. "Thank you for the walk, EDI. It was… odd, but nice to know I won't have to worry about Eva Core anymore." He shuddered at the name.

"It was my pleasure, Major," she made for the door. She paused, remembering a 'to ask Shepard' and moving it to 'to ask Alenko.' "May I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead," he replied as he sat down on the couch.

"Why is it that despite your history, and despite Commander Shepard's physical comfort around you, that there is tension between you and her?"

He looked up at her, his eyes wide – if her count was correct (and it was), she had surprised him four times in the past hour.

"What?"

"The Commander is comfortable around you. I detected increased hormonal activity signatures in her armour during your conversation. But I also detected tension between the two of you. You have known each other for some time, why is that?"

Alenko smiled, but it was not a regular smile. Was it a sad smile? "It's precisely _because_ of that history that there's some tension, EDI. I'm sorry, I don't think I can explain; I'm no psychologist."

"Thank you for trying," she said and returned to the cockpit.

Commander Shepard herself entered the cockpit precisely twenty three minutes after EDI returned. She had changed out of her armour and had freshly showered, if her wet hair were any indication.

"Status report?"

EDI read off the numbers seamlessly. "In addition, we did not sustain enough damage to require extended docking period for repairs. The Normandy is ready to leave at your behest, Commander."

She nodded. "Thanks. Are all crew on-board?"

"All crew are accounted for," Joker replied. "Except Garrus. He's ashore."

"Where?"

"C-Sec Headquarters."

"Alright," Shepard exhaled tiredly. "I'm heading there anyway so I'll tell him myself. Joker, plot a course for Mesana system, Nimbus Cluster. We leave tomorrow at 0600. Inform the crew before they go to bed, those who are already in their night cycles will be informed in the morning."

"Aye aye, ma'am."

* * *

 **A/N: EDI was a challenge to write. I wanted to try it out though! And boy, does she ship Shenko… she just wants Kaidan and Aurelia to work out their shit. Let her live.**

 **Anyway,** **thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	9. Chapter 9: Repose

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect**

 **A/N: Sorry for the long wait between updates! Life got pretty hectic and well, I'm now an official college graduate! Hopefully I'll have more time to write during the summer. This chapter features a great brotp moment from the game that I tweaked a bit to fit in more with this story, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 _Chapter 9: Repose_

Aurelia kept a straight face as she made her way through security at the Docks – or rather, what was left of security after the siege that morning. She nodded at the tired-looking C-Sec officers who waved her through, barely taking a second glance at her before turning their attention back to the panicky and stressed civilians asking questions about safety. She empathised with them; she herself was exhausted after the day's events, having been thrust into battle with barely any time to mourn the loss of Mordin and rest properly after the mission on Tuchanka. They were already rushing to the Citadel when Councillor Valern's suspicious call had made the Normandy double-time it, only to find more conflict and lose another friend.

Making her way into the elevator, Shepard chewed on her lip as she tried not to think about Thane and Mordin. They would arrange proper memorials for them later. In the mean time, she had to make sure their sacrifices wouldn't be for nothing.

For now, she needed a distraction.

Sleeping wouldn't help. As exhausted as she was, she was too tired to sleep. Not to mention her cabin was plagued with datapads, and her personal terminal would have a steady stream of incoming messages from various sources. Though she had asked Traynor to pass on only the most important messages during the night (and no doubt EDI was also sifting through her inbox), the thought of missing vital information while sleeping would just keep Shepard awake.

There was another problem with staying on the Normandy, and that problem came in the form of one Kaidan Alenko.

Aurelia sighed, leaning against the cool and smooth surface of the elevator's wall. It was a nice bit of peace in here, away from prying eyes and constant questions; she took her time before keying in the command to head to C-Sec HQ.

Not that Kaidan was a _problem_ per se, but he was something she simply didn't have the energy to deal with at the moment. Her feelings for him were clear, at least to Aurelia herself, and she felt slightly ashamed for having 'stolen' Kaidan from the Fifth Fleet. But she did have a reason: the Normandy was at the forefront of uniting the galaxy, and Shepard needed the best by her side.

The problem Aurelia had was she didn't want to complicate matters. She already had so many things on her mind and so many issues to take care of; she simply did not want to add a potential rekindled relationship to her plate. Especially because of the sheer amount of people after her head, between the Illusive Man and the Reapers, she would not risk Kaidan's life by allowing anyone to get to her through him. Being with Kaidan _would_ make her happy – hell, it might bring her some peace in this time of chaos – and she _had_ thought about it too many times, more so after his 'confession' when she visited him in the hospital. But for now it was off the table. And hanging around the Normandy with Kaidan lurking about meant she had to have that conversation with him, which frankly she didn't want to face.

Until they had to ship out in a few hours. Aurelia would deal with that when the time came.

The elevator pinged softly as it reached its destination, and Shepard took a deep breath before the doors slid open to reveal the offices. C-Sec officers were busy with reports from their patrols around the Citadel securing sections while simultaneously trying to organise repairs to damaged locations. Lower level C-Sec agents were taking distress calls, dealing with civilians who had shown up to HQ with problems, and trying to account for missing persons. In short: it was chaos.

It was, however, much better than when Shepard had left a few hours ago. Most of the station was secured, fewer civilians were missing, engineers and other workers had been dispatched to damaged areas, and there were fewer people within C-Sec HQ itself. After leaving Kolyat at the hospital she had come to HQ and gave her account of the day's events to a detective, providing him with whatever evidence she thought would help their investigation (including a recording of her conversation with Councillor Valern that EDI had provided). She had gone back to the Normandy to clean up, to finally change out of her armour, and hopefully to rest, but because of all the distractions she'd decided to come back and see if she could help out more.

Anything but staying on the Normandy right now.

It only took Aurelia a few minutes to spot Bailey at the center of it all; no doubt he would earn himself another promotion for his valiant efforts today, even if he didn't want it. Shepard wouldn't even be surprised if the Council offered him the position of Executor, since they were in need of a new one.

"Bailey!" She called out to him.

He turned around in surprise. "Commander? I thought you'd clocked out for the day and gone back to the Normandy for some R&R." He eyed her as she approached him. "What are you doing back here?"

"Thought I'd offer more assistance," she put on her most convincing sympathetic smile. "You're gonna need all the help you can get. What can I do?"

Bailey sighed, turning around and gesturing at her with a datapad-clad hand for Aurelia to follow him. "Look Shepard, I appreciate the offer and I appreciate everything you've done today, but you need to rest. I know it must be tough for you to sit still on the Normandy, surrounded by incoming data from the rest of the galaxy and from the Citadel itself, but that's where I need you. You have much bigger fish to fry than mine, and you need your rest before you head back out."

They stopped at a desk where Bailey exchanged his datapad for another one.

"You've done enough today, Shepard. I really do appreciate it. The Council owes you yet another one, and after today they better throw some support your way. Really. Go back and rest, Commander." He started walking away before adding an afterthought. "And if you really don't want to go back to the Normandy, have an agent arrange a room for you. They've been organising a place to sleep for displaced citizens all day, what's wrong with another person to add to that list?"

She nodded at him. "That's very kind of you, Bailey," she called after his retreating form, "but I'll be fine. Thank you!"

Aurelia sighed and leaned on the desk. She'd have to find another way to escape her distractions.

"Shepard?"

She perked up at the familiar dual-toned voice. "Garrus!"

"What are you doing here?" Garrus leaned against the desk next to her. "I thought you'd retired for the night."

"Ah, well, you know me. Can't stay still for too long."

"You've never said truer words. Couldn't even sit still in death."

She playfully punched her friend. "I'm never gonna live down the resurrection jokes, am I?"

"Not as long as I'm still around." Garrus pushed off the desk and faced her. "Though, in all seriousness, what are you doing here, Shepard?"

Aurelia crossed her arms and frowned at the ground; Garrus seemed to immediately know the answer.

"So Mister Spectre Kaidan Alenko found you?"

"We talked it over," she mumbled while toeing a particular spot on the floor. "We're okay. He's joining us on the Normandy."

"Well if Kaidan is coming aboard everything _must_ be fine in Shepard-Alenko land!" Aurelia looked up at Garrus and narrowed her eyes at him, and he quickly threw his hands up in defeat. "Alright, sorry, that comment was a little too overly sarcastic."

She went back to starting at her spot on the floor. "And a little too overly public."

"Shepard, do you really think," he gestured around them, "that anyone here gives a damn? They're too busy trying to piece people's lives back together, and keeping this station from literally falling apart."

"You're right, Garrus," Aurelia sighed. "I'm sorry."

He leaned back on the desk next to her. "It's fine, we're all on edge. You of all people deserve a little relaxation. I take it there were too many distractions on the Normandy? Or just one big one?"

She rolled her eyes and supressed a smile. Garrus knew her too well. "Too many. And a big one. But mainly the numbers had me leave."

Garrus remained quiet for a moment. "You need a break. Come on," he started walking away.

"Where are we going?" Shepard followed Garrus without hesitation.

"We're taking a little break." He stopped at a vending machine and bought a few canned drinks – some dextro, some levo – before continuing on.

"Garrus?"

"Shepard, if you trust me just come with me."

Her interest was piqued, so she stayed quiet and followed. He remained silent until they reached a few squad cars parked side by side. Garrus keyed some commands into his omni-tool and a car opened in response.

"Bailey temporarily reinstated me as a C-Sec officer while I've been helping out. They won't notice a missing squad car and they certainly won't need it in the next few hours so… after you?" He pointed at the open door.

Aurelia shot him an entertained look before obliging. "If you're planning on kidnapping me Garrus, I'll have you know that one, that hasn't worked out well for people in the past and two, I'm pretty sure kidnapping is illegal. Especially if that person is a Spectre."

Garrus climbed into the car after her and started the engine. "Well, Shepard," he joked as he started driving, "I'd never be foolish enough to hold you against your will. But, as you've probably learned from experience, I'm not the smartest turian in the galaxy."

She grinned at her friend before taking a moment to look out and enjoy the view. "So where are we going, anyway?"

"Like I said, we're taking a break. Something that doesn't involve Reapers."

"Well," Shepard eyed the soft drinks Garrus had bought. "I don't think they've conquered the bar yet. So why settle for the stuff from C-Sec vending machines?"

Her friend chuckled in response. "If you really want to avoid Reapers you should go to a hanar poetry reading. Though you'd definitely need to hit the bar first." He glanced at her. "Maybe next time we dock on the Citadel?"

She threw up her hands. "Rain check. _Please_."

"You're right, the elcor production of that human play would be better. What's it called? _Omelette_?"

Shepard burst into laughter. " _Hamlet_!"

Garrus joined in, and once their laughter subsided he cleared his throat. "But in all seriousness… ever have that one thing you always wanted to do before you died, Shepard?"

She scoffed. "Too busy trying to live. What's yours?"

"The whole time I worked at C-Sec, I'd stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself: I want to go up there. But I never did; there were a hundred and thirty seven regulations saying I couldn't."

"I don't suppose you got them changed?" Shepard looked out the window to see Garrus landing the car softly onto a Presidium rooftop overlooking the infamous lake.

Garrus' mandibles took on a mischievous look. "No. Now I just don't give a damn."

"And with everything you've done in the past three years, you've earned that right."

The doors opened with a soft hiss and the pair jumped out onto the roof. The view was incredible – the ever-shining Presidium sun gleamed off the lake, whose crystal clear waters cast sparkling light everywhere. The surrounding gardens were, miraculously, largely undamaged after the attack, save for a few patches of debris and fire dotted about. The Citadel groundskeepers certainly did an amazing job and had every right to take pride in their work. Aurelia thought back briefly to the groundskeeper she spoke to the previous year about fish in the lake, wondering if he still worked there.

Garrus interrupted her thoughts. "I figured it's time to do something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we ever get."

"How about a dive in the pool?" Aurelia peered over the edge of the rooftop, straight into the luscious water of the lake.

"You obviously haven't seen turians swim. It's a lot of flailing and splashing interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning."

Shepard grinned. "You're right. I'd just have to save your ass again."

Garrus shrugged, not missing a beat. "It would make up for all the times I pulled your ass out of the fire." He reached into the car and pulled out the cans before sitting on the edge of the roof, legs dangling over. "We've had a hell of a ride, haven't we, Shepard?"

She sat down next to him and looked over the Presidium for a moment. Yeah, it had definitely been a 'hell of a' three years.

Her friend offered her a levo soda and she accepted it, gesturing 'cheers' at Garrus as he opened his dextro drink. "Yeah, we have. You're a great friend, Garrus. I'm glad you're here. It's times like these when you know who your real friends are – they're not the ones running around looking for an escape route, they're the ones who stand at your side for the worst of it. The ones who never give up on you. And I'm lucky that you're one of those friends."

"So am I."

The two drank in silence for a few moments, taking in the view. It was quiet, with very little traffic because the Citadel was still getting back on its feet after the attack. Shepard had no doubt that had they come on any other day, there would have been a lot more traffic around them.

Garrus finished his first soda and started on his second. "It's been a long day. Udina loses his mind, the Citadel almost falls… and you almost had to put down a… _friend_. How are you really holding up?"

Aurelia inhaled heavily before responding. "It got a little tense there. But I'm fine." She looked at Garrus and smiled. "Better now, thank you for this." She nodded at the view and reached for the other levo soda.

"I'm sure I already know the answer but… if it had come down to it, could you have pulled the trigger?"

She shook her head at no one in particular, responding a little too quickly and spilling a little of her drink with her quick movements. "I don't see how. We start killing our friends and war turns into murder."

"That's what I thought. And you said you talked it over with Kaidan?"

"Kind of. I can tell we're both ready to move on from what happened, and not only today but on previous occasions."

"You mean Horizon?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "And Mars. One of the main reasons he's back on the Normandy is because I need the best by my side. That's why you're with me and not the Primarch, and why Liara is not with High Command on Thessia. We're doing the impossible, uniting the galaxy and fighting the Reapers, and Kaidan and I can't let the past get in the way of that."

"And the other reason?"

She paused. "I'm sorry?"

"You said _one_ of the main reasons. What's the other?"

Aurelia tried to hide her flushing cheeks. "Did I?"

Garrus playfully nudged her shoulder. "Shepard. This is me you're talking to. I know you better than you'd like to think I do, and you're too smart to think I don't know the other reason you want Kaidan on board. You want him around for yourself too, and that's perfectly okay."

She looked at her friend with a bemused look. "Garrus, since when are you an expert on feelings?"

"I may have read a few select titles from Kasumi's collection."

"Uh-huh. You mean trashy romance novels."

"No, works of classic literature!" They chuckled together. "But really, while you were on Earth… I spent some time at home. With Sol, and my parents."

Shepard's expression softened. "How's your mother?"

He shook his head. "But at the very least we had a few good moments as a family before she passed. And if it made me realise anything…" Garrus looked at Aurelia with intense eyes. "Spend time with those you love. You never know which moment will be your last. Especially now, Shepard."

She gulped, trying to hold Garrus' stare. "I don't want to complicate things. And I don't want to put him at risk – people could use him to get to me, and don't deny that's a very real possibility. The Illusive Man almost achieved that on Mars."

Garrus shrugged and finished his drink. "It is a possibility. But Kaidan is a big boy; he can take care of himself. Maybe he's thinking the same thing right now. Look, Shepard, all you need to ask yourself is would it make you happier?"

"I think so, but–"

"No buts. You've earned the right to be a little selfish right now, Shepard. Seriously."

Aurelia mulled over his words for a moment, taking a long sip from her drink. "After this war is over, I'm gonna give Solana a huge hug. Thanks for the talk, Garrus."

"Anytime, Shepard. And in case you didn't notice, he was never aimed at you today. His gun was always trained on EDI. I don't think he could have pulled the trigger either."

She nodded, finishing the soda. "I know. I saw. I'm not upset with him."

"Then I think that tells you where he stands, too." Garrus stood up, stooping down to collect the empty cans. "But we better head back now. You need to rest up, and I'm sure we're heading off somewhere cool in the morning. Did I say cool? I meant Reaper-infested."

She smirked at him and got up. She reached down to pick up her empty cans, but stopped for a moment – an idea struck her.

"Hey Garrus, are you carrying your Black Widow with you?"

"It hasn't left my side since the day you brought it to me from Spectre Requisitions." Sure enough, it was packed up neatly into the side of his armour. "Why?"

She grinned. "Assemble it. I'm gonna throw this can and let's see how good a shot you are."

He smiled back. "Oh, you're on."

Garrus hit the first can easily. Shepard gave him more of a challenge with the second, throwing it with biotics instead, much to Garrus' chagrin.

"That's cheating!"

"Garrus, why are you complaining? You still shot it!"

"Yeah, but maybe a little warning for the next one?"

She grinned mischievously and threw the next one even further and faster. Garrus still managed to clip it, but only just.

"Alright big shot, how about you give this a try?"

Aurelia threw her hands up in surrender. "Hey, if I was proficient at all with a sniper rifle I'd take you up on it, but there's a reason I'm Adept class and not Soldier or Infiltrator." She pulled out her relatively new and beloved Paladin heavy pistol; she may not have loved it as much as her old Carnifex, but boy did this gun pack a punch, especially after mods. She mocked planting a kiss on the gun. "But if you want to test my reflexes, you can try me with the pistol."

"Okay but I'm not going to say where or when I –"

Garrus suddenly hurled the last can straight into the air above her and Shepard shot it down with ease, using her non-dominant hand to biotically catch the pieces before they rained down on her and Garrus.

"Now you're just showing off. What did Ash call it? Space magic?"

The two laughed at the memory.

"I hope she's looking out for us."

"I'm sure she is; this was her fight too."

* * *

Back on the Normandy, Aurelia thanked Garrus once more for their little break as she rode the elevator down with him.

"Not going to your cabin, Shepard?" If Garrus had eyebrows, one would have been raised at her.

She shook her head. "Something I have to do first."

Garrus chuckled as he stalked away to Main Battery, with Shepard scowling at his back for as long as he remained in her sights.

Aurelia took a deep breath outside Starboard Observation Deck, briefly thinking about what she exactly she would say. After a minute of this she cursed under her breath. _Fuck it, I'll wing it._

The doors _whooshed_ open as she stepped forward, but she stopped short just after the doorway. "Kaidan, I… Oh, I'm sorry."

Kaidan was seated at the end of the viewing couch, dressed in Alliance-issued sweatpants and the blue hoodie with white stripes that could only be requisitioned by higher-ranking officers. His black hair (which was starting to be peppered with white) was un-styled, flat, and damp enough to hint that he'd showered recently – but not too recently, given the drooped position of his head and the fallen datapad at his feet. Most surprisingly to Shepard, however, were the thin-framed rectangular black glasses dangling daintily from his nose.

Kaidan startled awake, jumping to his feet and pushing up his glasses as soon as he realised who his visitor was. "Hey… hey Shep."

Aurelia would have backed out of the room from embarrassment if the doors hadn't shut right then behind her. _I should have known he'd be sleeping; it's well after midnight. Damn it EDI, why'd you close the door?_ "I'm sorry, I should have checked if you were awake before barging in."

He stooped to pick up the datapad on the floor, placing it gently on the coffee table next to the couch. "Don't worry about it, sleeping like that would have been killer for my neck anyway. I should be thanking you, really." His glasses slid down his nose again, and he pushed them back up. "Anything I can do for you, Aurelia?"

She was feeling less embarrassed and more comfortable now.

She gestured at his face with the top of her head. "Those are new."

"Oh!" He reached for his glasses and placed them on top of the datapad. "Right, well, what can I say? I'm getting old..." He smiled coyly at her. "Not all of us can be rebuilt with perfect vision."

Aurelia smirked back. Sarcastic LT? That was something she could deal with. "Touché."

She moved around the couch to the window, crossing her arms and observing the Citadel from the Normandy's docked position.

Kaidan joined her. "Was there something you needed, Shepard?"

"Well, I..." She frowned. She _should_ have thought about what she would say before coming in here. She cocked her head towards him. "I don't actually know where to start."

"Was it about today?" He sounded concerned, almost like he thought she would take back their earlier resolution to the problem.

"Yes, and no." Where was she going with this?

 _The hospital, Aurelia you idiot. That time you got flustered because you weren't ready for the conversation you're trying to have now._

Ah, that's how she could start.

"Back when I first visited you in the hospital, Kaidan, did you mean what you said?" She turned to him.

Kaidan met Shepard's eyes for few brief seconds before turning to the window, smiling sadly.

"Unless, um," she took his aversion to her gaze as a bad sign and started backtracking immediately. "Unless you were just loopy on painkillers –"

"I meant every word, Aurelia," he spoke softly, lovingly, but still refused to meet her eyes. "There hasn't been anyone else, and there won't be anyone else. It's only you for me." Finally, he turned his head to look straight at her with serious eyes. "But I have so much respect for you, and I would never put my feelings in the way of your mission. You won't hear anything about it again, I promise I won't complicate things."

Shepard exhaled shakily. _Kaidan_ thought _she_ didn't reciprocate, and that she was coming here to tell him that? She had to press her mouth together to stop herself from laughing.

"LT, you're as handsome as you are thick." She faced the window again, reaching out for his hand. He grasped hers immediately, intertwining their fingers in a movement that felt so natural for the both of them. The usual biotic spark passed between their palms, but it was something the two of them were so used to they never took notice anymore.

"I didn't come here to tell you not to complicate things. I came here to tell you what I was scared to say in the hospital, and that is I do feel the same." She grinned to herself while putting on her best Kaidan voice, mirroring his words from the hospital: "I like having you in my life as friends, as more than friends."

Shepard let herself chuckle quietly, still holding Kaidan's hand, before she realised he hadn't responded. She turned to him, worried, only to find him looking back at her with a warm smile.

"I think your Canadian accent needs a bit of work if you're going to keep doing impressions of me."

She returned his smile and they stared at each other for a moment.

"Can we take it slow?"

"Anything you want."

Aurelia let go of Kaidan's hand, immediately missing its warmth, and moved to the door. "Good night, LT. Get some rest, you've got a big day tomorrow as an official SR-2 crew member."

"Night, Shep. I won't let you down."

* * *

 **A/N: Who doesn't like Shenko fluff? I couldn't help myself, my precious Aurelia and Kaidan need a bit of happiness in their lives. And the famous Citadel bottle shooting competition! I'm sorry I changed it a bit, but for Aurelia it made more sense to have it play out like this. She was a bit down after the coup and there was no security around to tell them off so it made sense.** _ **And**_ **since she is Adept she's not sniper rifle trained, so why would Garrus and her be facing off in a sniper battle? I hope you like the changes I made.**

 **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	10. Chapter 10: Night Winds

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect. Chapter contains some graphic depictions.**

* * *

 _Chapter 10: Night Winds_

Kaidan awoke with a warm feeling in his chest and a smile on his lips. The timing might be bad and maybe he should have felt guilty about being so content during the war, but after his conversation last night with Aurelia he was glad they had the chance to take their happiness while they could.

 _While they could?_ He frowned. _Don't think like that, Alenko. The war's not over yet._

No, the war wasn't over and they hadn't lost. The Crucible was still being built and they were getting more support from across the galaxy each day. Of course there were thousands of lives lost every day, even millions, but against a foe like the Reapers the small victories amounted to big ones.

Kaidan got up and was about to check his omni-tool for messages when a smooth voice rung around the Observation Deck.

"Good morning, Major," EDI said. "The commander asked that I inform you we are on our way to the Mesana System."

Waking up to EDI would take some getting used to. "Thanks, EDI."

He took a quick shower in the crew bathrooms, pulling on his fatigues before making his way to the mess. There was already a bunch of other people gathered there for breakfast, including Aurelia, Garrus, Liara, and Vega seated around a table. Kaidan caught Aurelia's eye and waved a good morning.

She threw him a small smile and nodded towards an empty seat across from her next to Liara; he needed no further instruction. Kaidan collected a tray of breakfast – some sort of oatmeal – and thanked the mess sergeant before heading to the table.

"Kaidan!" Garrus, seated next to Shepard, stood up and shook Kaidan's free hand. "Glad to have you aboard."

Kaidan wedged himself next to Liara, opposite Vega. "And I'm glad to be here, Garrus."

Liara gave him a friendly pat on the back before turning back to her food. "I'm happy to see you've made a full recovery, Kaidan."

"Believe me, so am I, Liara," Kaidan joked. "I see the food has also gotten better."

"That's just because you're not eating dextro food. Let me tell you, that has definitely not improved. Being in the minority amino acid group on board is not treating me well." Garrus' sense of humour certainly hadn't changed since they last spoke.

"So if Vakarian is the only dextro aboard… what is Javik? Are protheans even dextro or levo, or something else entirely?" James asked earnestly. It was then that Kaidan noticed the other recent addition to the crew missing.

"Well," Liara answered, "protheans have a unique DNA structure that is neither levo nor dextro amino acid based. Javik has free reign in the mess because he refuses to disclose what he eats, and I haven't quite figured out his diet. Every time I reach somewhat of a conclusion, he changes his eating habits."

"Wait, Liara," Aurelia put down her oatmeal, brushing a strand of loose hair behind her ear. "Have you been watching Javik and keeping a journal on his eating habits? What other habits have you been noting down?"

Liara's cheeks flushed a dark blue. Kaidan recognised the blushing from back on the SSV Normandy, and he chuckled internally at the déjà vu; Liara seemed to get a little too emotionally involved with the people she was 'studying,' as she would call it.

"It is… purely scientific."

Shepard and Garrus glanced at each other with a sheepish look in their eye. "You sure about that?"

"Come on, guys," Kaidan waved them off and took a sip of his coffee. "Liara may be a powerful biotic and an influential information broker, but she is first and foremost a prothean expert. _Our_ prothean expert. Besides, from my brief interaction with Javik I'd say that he wants to remain shrouded in mystery…"

Liara let out a light laugh and a quiet thank you, while Garrus muttered something about being 'no fun.'

Shepard flashed him an annoyed but entertained look before standing up. "Alright, back to work for me. Catch you all later."

When the rest of the group finished breakfast, they scattered back to their own stations for their respective duties. After two hours of pouring over intel, EDI let Kaidan know that Shepard and Liara were waiting for him in Liara's office. He dropped his work and headed across Deck 3 to the room from where Liara was running the Shadow Broker's empire.

Aurelia stood opposite a wall covered in bright console screens, one hand pinching the bridge of her nose. She only spoke when the door fully closed behind Kaidan. "We're heading to Lesuss to investigate a distress signal from a monastery, on behalf of Asari High Command. Several asari commando squads were sent and have gone missing while responding, and I guess we're the back up."

"Great. Asari commandos missing in action is always a good sign." He smirked to himself, remembering something he said three years ago. "Certain death for some, just fine for us."

Shepard let out a single chuckle before her expression turned serious again. "That's not the best part. The situation is worse than I thought. It's a damn Ardat-Yakshi monastery."

Kaidan swallowed. He didn't like the sound of that. "What's an Ardat-Yakshi?"

"Ardat-Yakshi is a genetic condition among pureblood asari," Liara explained. "When an Ardat-Yakshi attempts to mate, their nervous system dominates that of their partner, causing the partner to haemorrhage and die. The Ardat-Yakshi becomes stronger as a result. Ardat-Yakshi must live in seclusion or be executed – the monastery we are going to is the place of isolation for asari with the condition."

"They sound like… like vampires." Kaidan shuddered.

Liara pondered for a moment. "I suppose that is an accurate analogy. With every victim they do gain a thirst for more."

"Yeah, that sounds like Morinth," Aurelia huffed. "I faced one. They're not a friendly bunch and sure as hell not that easy to take down."

"You faced one of these Ardat-Yakshi?" Kaidan suddenly felt concerned and had to stop himself from reaching a protective arm around Shepard, even though he was aware the encounter had already happened and she could take care of herself. "When?"

"I know you read all the mission reports from my time with Cerberus, but this was a favour for a friend so I kept it off the books. Don't look so worried, LT."

"But not all Ardat-Yakshi are like Morinth, Shepard." Liara spoke defensively. "Morinth chose violence. These Ardat-Yakshi chose isolation, chose to live with their condition peacefully. We're not even sure about the situation at the monastery, or why the distress signal was sent."

Aurelia crossed her arms. "You're exactly right, Liara. That's why I asked Kaidan to join us, to go over a plan for what might be waiting for us."

Kaidan tried to wrap his head around the situation. "Right. So we're going to an asari monastery housing what are essentially vampires, and we don't know what exactly the situation is – only that asari commando units didn't succeed in finding out."

"Precisely," Liara nodded. "But if there was a chance the Ardat-Yakshi could break loose, I know that the commandos would have been ordered to purge the monastery. They would have brought heavy explosives with them."

"Let's not assume we need to use them just yet. It could have been the Ardat-Yakshi themselves who sent out the distress signal, maybe because the Reapers showed up." Aurelia started pacing, her arms still crossed. "We need to be prepared for anything. I was thinking a small squad, just the three of us, for stealth. Whatever is going on we want to keep our presence on the down low. And I want you two with me because if we _do_ have to go against any Ardat-Yakshi…"

Kaidan finished for her. "Biotics versus biotics. Got it." He flashed a reassuring smile at her. "We can't do much better with the information we have. We'll have to go with it."

"Kaidan is right, Shepard." Liara's tone was also supportive.

Aurelia stopped pacing and turned to the two of them. Her face seemed unconvinced, but she nodded at Kaidan and Liara. "EDI, what's our ETA?"

The reply was instantaneous. "Approximately 2 hours."

"Thanks, EDI. Until then, you two continue with your duties. EDI, notify all of us when we're an hour out."

* * *

The shuttle descended slowly towards Lesuss, taking a more indirect route to decrease chances of detection. While the Kodiak wasn't exactly the stealthiest vehicle (especially compared to the Normandy), Lieutenant Cortez knew his stuff – Kaidan could tell they were in good hands. Kaidan sat in the co-pilot's seat next to him, though Cortez definitely didn't need any help piloting or navigating. Instead, Kaidan watched the terrain outside.

Once the monastery came into view, a chill slithered its way down Kaidan's spine. What looked like it should be a place of peace, a place of tranquil isolation, looked and definitely felt like something was off. There were no signs of life surrounding the building; it looked cold and abandoned, lonely almost, and dark.

"Commander," he looked up at Aurelia, standing behind him. Her eyes were transfixed on the view.

"I see it. There's no power."

"And I don't think we're alone, Commander." Cortez pointed out to the front of the building, where he was about to land. "There's another shuttle parked there. Heat signature reads as still warm, so it was used recently."

Liara leaned forward in her seat, her face appearing in the cockpit's doorway. "That's strange – High Command didn't mention another squad."

"Then it's an anomaly," Aurelia sighed. "Don't assume hostility, let's just focus on finding out what happened. Maybe we'll find survivors."

"I'll keep an eye out for suspicious activity out here, Commander," Cortez said.

She placed her hand on the pilot's shoulder for a second. "Thanks, Cortez. Take us in quietly."

Kaidan watched Aurelia while the Kodiak slowly landed. She looked tired, the dark circles under her eyes illuminated by the soft blue glow of her Kuwashii visor, and her complexion had a pallor to it that suggested she hadn't slept well last night – if she'd slept at all. Her hair was in a short stubby ponytail, pulled back to reveal a slight gauntness in her cheeks from stress. But otherwise her appearance had hardly changed since the day he first met her; Shepard's deep brown eyes still shone bright with confidence (now without the dangerously low scar jutting through her eyebrow, which Cerberus had 'fixed'), and she still sported her N7 armour proudly with its loud red stripe down the right arm.

The woman in question cleared her throat, and it was then that Kaidan realised he'd been caught staring. He looked up to catch a small smirk from her.

"Let's move out. Cortez, keep us updated."

The small squad exited the Kodiak and headed to the dark entrance of the monastery. Kaidan took a few seconds to study the other shuttle parked at the landing area, but there were no markings or indication that helped him guess who it might be; they'd just have to wait and find out.

Kaidan turned to catch up with Shepard and Liara, who were standing on the edge of the entryway. Though it was pitch-black in front of them he could just make out an empty elevator shaft.

Liara turned to Shepard, a grim look in her eyes. "It's disabled. Either to prevent entry… or escape…"

Aurelia took a few steps back. "Doesn't matter, we'll find out." She ran the few steps and jumped into the darkness, landing on a platform on the other side of the shaft. Without pausing, she continued down the ladder into the dark – only the soft white glow from her flashlight revealing to Kaidan and Liara where she was.

The duo followed suit, jumping across the shaft and following Shepard down the ladders. There was a strange heaviness to the air here and Kaidan's biotics tingled with a strange ghostly sense, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Ever the professional, he continued following Aurelia and Liara down into the belly of the monastery, pausing only to check for potential targets behind them.

He jumped down onto the last platform, and immediately a chilling scream reverberated through the walls, unsettling him to the very core. It sounded far away, as if it were still a few levels or a few rooms away from them.

Kaidan glanced at Aurelia, whose eyes were narrowly staring into the dark monastery in front of them. He opened his mouth to ask if she'd heard that too when another shrill scream, a slightly different tone as if it were responding to the last, echoed quietly around them.

"There's a lot more than one…"

She nodded. "Keep your eyes peeled… I don't know what the hell it is but I definitely don't want that scream anywhere near me."

Aurelia hurled herself off the last platform and across to the entrance of the monastery, Liara and Kaidan following not far behind.

They searched the antechamber, which was completely empty – the only signs of life were the scattered datapad clutters and some food left out at various tables. The further into the monastery they went, the more uncomfortably Kaidan's biotics responded.

It was enough to distract him to trip over something on the floor.

"I heard something!" Aurelia immediately turned around in his direction.

He blushed, glad she couldn't see his embarrassment through the darkness. "I, uh, tripped."

Shepard's tone was admonishing. "Kaidan…"

"Sorry, I'll stay sharp."

Aurelia turned back around, while Kaidan looked behind him to check what he had just tripped over.

He drew a sharp intake of breath. "Shepard…"

Liara, closer to him, saw before Aurelia made her way back. "By the Goddess… I don't think we'll be getting help from the commandos."

Aurelia crouched over the body of the asari, first checking for life and then scanning the asari's omni-tool. "They did bring a bomb. Strong enough to destroy the monastery's interior and anything in it. The bomb is in the Great Hall, below us."

"So it seems the commandos were going to initiate the purge after all," Liara said.

"Yes… if there are no survivors, we'll finish what they started. I'm updating my NavPoint with to the Great Hall." She sighed. "This was the captain. There's also a voice note to her widow on her omni-tool. EDI, save this and find her widow – I'll bring her the message personally when we're on the Citadel."

Kaidan smiled – Shepard was a big softie when she wanted to be.

She stood up again just as yet another distant scream resonated around the room. Turning their flashlights to where it came from, they saw a trail of bodies – both asari and cannibals – leading towards a locked door.

"Looks like we're heading towards the banshee screams after all." Shepard turned to Kaidan. "Can you get that door open, LT?"

"Affirmative."

While he worked on bypassing the door, he heard Liara ask Aurelia something quietly.

"Shepard, what is a banshee?"

"More Earth mythology. A banshee was a shrieking spirit that brought news of death, but banshee is used to describe ear-splitting screams." As if on cue, there was another scream. "Like that one."

"Ah," Liara was satisfied with the answer. "Another suitable analogy."

The door finally opened, and this time Kaidan led the trio into the next room. They walked through another room before finally arriving at a grand balcony with large windows letting in some much-needed light. The floor below, sprawled out in front of the balcony, held a few garden arrangements and little much else.

Their attention turned to a cannibal dropping on the floor. "Very good. I almost didn't hear your approach."

Aurelia's eyes brightened at the voice and her head whipped around immediately to face its source. "Samara!"

Kaidan turned to see a majestic looking asari with big, pale blue eyes that seemed to have boundless knowledge. She carried herself with poise and gravity; Kaidan was slightly awed.

So _this_ was the justicar.

"It has been some time, Shepard. You are a most welcome sight."

Liara, on the other hand, was not impressed. Her eyes seemed to darken with mistrust. "I assume you're her on your own, justicar. Perhaps for something special."

Samara remained unfazed. "You are correct. Two of my daughters live here, and I have come for them."

 _So that's why Liara doesn't trust her? Because her daughters are Ardat-Yakshi?_

"Are they as dangerous as Morinth?" Aurelia couldn't hide the dread in her voice.

"Falere and Rila have followed the monastery's rules ever since they arrived. They have shown no inclination towards violence." Samara looked down, her eyes reflecting guilt. "They are my responsibility, and it is one that cannot be abandoned even as our galaxy crumbles. Unfortunately the Reapers were already here when I arrived."

"We can work together. Maybe your daughters know what the Reapers would want with this place."

"I suspect they will have much to tell us. It has been centuries since I last saw them." Another banshee shriek interrupted their conversation, and Samara's eyes darkened. "We're out of time. Continue into the monastery, we will meet again. I will draw these creatures off you."

The justicar charged up her biotics and dashed down a doorway somewhere underneath them before Aurelia could protest. Instead, she reloaded her gun and continued down the balcony, Kaidan and Liara right behind her.

The next hall behind the doorway was even grander than the balcony – and several times bigger. They were on an elevated platform and each end curled down towards the windows in a set of impressive staircases. Below them were more garden arrangements and fancy columns, making the hall seem like it had an aisle down the middle.

"This place is _huge_ ," Kaidan observed. "There must have been thousands of people living here."

"And we haven't seen any survivors," Shepard retorted glumly.

He gulped. "Yeah. They must have been mostly civilians, too. Ardat-Yakshi and their guardians, but civilians all the same."

They descended the stairs and there was another scream – closer this time. Dangerously close.

Halfway through crossing the hall, the growl of a cannibal stopped them in their tracks. Kaidan and Liara flocked to the nearest columns, with Shepard taking point behind a garden arrangement just as the first cannibals appeared at the end of the hall.

The banshee scream echoed around the chamber again, this time louder and accompanied by a ghostly figure slowly sauntering towards them from where the cannibals had emerged. When it came into the light, Kaidan's stomach turned; the creature coming towards them was a monster, even by Reaper standards. It was tall with elongated arms that ended in sharp talons, its muscles twisted around its body in a grotesque fashion, and its flesh was a mottled grey as if it were rotting. But worst of all, its head resembled that of an asari, with the tell-tale glowing eyes of a husk.

"What the hell _is_ that?" Kaidan struggled to keep the disgust out of his voice as he activated his barrier.

"I don't know," Aurelia shouted, "but it's not friendly! Stay on the cannibals, let me take care of this thing!" She started alternating between throwing warps, other biotic attacks, and shooting at the new arrival while Kaidan and Liara remained focused on the cannibals.

After taking down a few cannibals, Kaidan turned his attention to the Reaper-ified asari. Its barrier was depleted, and its grey flesh was heavily leaking black liquid in a trail behind it, but it seemed determined to keep going. _Damn, they're strong_. Kaidan took aim for its head when he noticed the change in dark energy around it.

 _Shit_. He knew that slight shift; he'd seen it so often in some of his spec-op Vanguards. It wasn't going to throw a warp this time.

It was going to charge.

"Screw this, I'm going in!"

Before he could warn her, Shepard bolted out of cover and started sprinting towards the banshee with her heavy pistol firing and a warp ready to go in her left hand.

"Shepard, no!"

The next few seconds seemed to pass by in slow motion.

The banshee disappeared, reappearing almost immediately in front of Shepard. She shrieked, caught off-guard, and reflexively threw up a barrier. The creature towered over her and let out another ear-splitting scream; it was loud enough for Kaidan to put a hand to his ear to try to block it out, so he couldn't have imagined what it felt like to Aurelia. She grunted in pain, the scream breaking her concentration and causing her barrier to falter for a second.

One second was all it needed, though.

"Aurelia!" He broke cover himself, running towards the commander without stopping to check on the other damned creatures.

The banshee's talon lunged straight for a weak point in her armour, straight towards Aurelia's neck. She regained her concentration just in time to block the talon from impaling her before throwing up another barrier with her other hand. It screamed at her again, another piercing scream, but this time Shepard growled back at it in anger.

Kaidan warped it, distracting it for a second. "Commander! Now!"

Shepard threw her biotic barrier outwards in a shockwave, knocking the surprised banshee back. She took the opportunity to unload her clip into the creature, finally finishing it off. Before checking up on Aurelia, Kaidan turned to see the rest of the cannibals down, having been taken care of by Liara while he was distracted.

"Crap." Aurelia had one hand clasped on the side of her neck, her other hand pulling off her visor and tossing it to the ground. She sighed. "That hurt."

Kaidan stooped to pick up the visor. It had completed short-circuited.

Shepard tossed her earpiece to the ground too. "The damn scream overloaded my visor and earpiece. They're no good. I'll have to do the rest of this mission without comms."

Blood started to wriggle its way through Aurelia's gloved fingers on her neck.

"Shit, you're bleeding, Aurelia," Kaidan dropped the visor and immediately reached for a tube of medigel in his armour.

"Yeah," Aurelia's voice was too nonchalant for the situation she was in. "My block wasn't fast enough. But hey, at least I still have a head."

Kaidan frowned at her as he tried to seal up the wound. It was, fortunately, not deep – but in the right place to cause a lot of bleeding. "The medigel will do for now. I think you'd probably best see Doctor Michel after this, the cut might need stitches."

"Worry about that later." Shepard's voice was loud, as if she was having a tough time hearing. "For now let's just find Samara and finish this."

Brushing Kaidan off, she left her broken visor and continued down the chamber.

Kaidan turned to Liara. "Thanks for covering us and taking out the cannibals."

"No need to thank me. Now let's go follow Shepard before she hurts herself – those screams can't have been good for her ears."

They followed in Aurelia's footsteps, heading through a doorway to find Samara and another younger asari talking to Aurelia.

"Mother! They have Rila! I saw them take her into the Great Hall. Some of those creatures. I tried to stop them, I… I didn't want them to take her, but there wasn't anything I could do…"

"Falere," Aurelia approached the young asari. "It's alright. We're here now. I'll help your mother get Rila back. But I need to ask you – do you know what the Reapers are doing here?"

The one named Falere took a deep breath, trying to keep the panic from her voice. "They're turning us… into _those_." She pointed at the body of a banshee. "I think they can only make them out of us, out of Ardat-Yakshi."

"Do you know how many they have succeeded in creating?"

"Too many…" Falere looked at her mother. "Please. You can't let that happen to Rila. We must find her."

Samara comforted her daughter. "We'll get to her. I promise you we'll find her."

"Commander, the bomb," Kaidan cautioned.

"Shit, yes," Aurelia turned to Samara. "There's a bomb in the Great Hall. The commandos planned to purge the monastery, and we need to finish their work."

"But this is my home!" Falere protested.

"I'm sorry, but it cannot be anymore." Shepard's tone was unfaltering. "If the Reapers are making those _things_ here, we cannot let them make any more. We need to destroy the monastery so that they cannot turn more Ardat-Yakshi into monsters."

Falere chewed on Shepard's words. "I'm sorry… but I will not help you." She turned and jumped over another balcony, floating down biotically with ease.

"Falere!" Samara made after her daughter, but quickly turned back to say one last thing. "The Great Hall. She will try to save Rila, we will meet you there. Please be swift." Samara, too, jumped over the balcony and floated just as Falere had done.

Kaidan was impressed. He turned to Aurelia and Liara. "Can you guys do that?"

Aurelia huffed as she walked away. "I can barely enhance a jump with a lift. I'm far away from _that_."

Liara simply shrugged and followed Aurelia.

The trio had little other resistance as they made their way to the Great Hall, and even then it was mostly cannibals. Another banshee appeared to block the elevator to the Great Hall, but with their previous experience they knew how to deal with it: hang back and don't let it get too close. They took out the creatures and approached the elevator.

Kaidan scanned the deactivated elevator. "This is the same elevator whose shaft we climbed down. If I activate it we should be able to take it all the way back up to the entrance."

Shepard nodded at him. "Do it. Makes our escape easier."

Kaidan bypassed the security lockdown with ease and the elevator doors slid open within minutes. The squad entered and descended to the Great Hall.

At the end of the Great Hall, Samara, Falere and another asari Kaidan assumed was Rila were waiting for them. Aurelia sprinted down to them from the elevator, leaving Kaidan and Liara to check the perimeter.

When he and Liara joined the group at the other end of the Great Hall, Falere was in hysterics.

"But she's alive, mother! She's not one of them yet, we just need to wake her up!" Falere shook her sister's shoulder. "Rila! Rila? Can you hear me?"

Aurelia caught Kaidan's attention, gesturing towards the bomb. He nodded, kneeling in front of the heavy artillery to arm it. He didn't even realise the struggle going on between Rila and Falere until Rila's unconscious body landed near him.

"Why did she do that? Why didn't she recognise me?"

Samara was grim. "Because they've begun to turn her into a Reaper creature."

"I'm sorry." Aurelia placed a hand on the justicar's shoulder before turning to Kaidan. "Is the bomb armed?"

He finished up with the bomb and looked up at her. "Yes, but it needs a detonator."

"The commandos would have had one, let's look."

"Don't," a faint voice called from the ground. They all turned to Rila, who was rubbing her head and standing up. She produced the detonator. "I have it. I was going to use it but I wasn't sure how to arm the bomb. And… and I wanted to make sure Falere was alright." She turned to Falere and clasped her sister's hand tightly. "Please go, Falere! Get out of here; it's too late for me! They have successfully created hundreds of those creatures, but they haven't taken many away – we need to destroy the monastery and those creatures before they can come back for more!"

Samara nodded at Rila, turning at the sound of another scream. She started retreating towards the elevator. "I am proud of you, Rila."

* * *

Falere refused to meet her mother's eyes when the odd group exited the elevator back at the landing pad.

"Few can break the Reapers' hold," Samara said. "Rila's will was extraordinary, as was her love for you."

Falere's voice dripped with anger. "We left her to die."

Samara was silent for a long moment. "Rila made her choice, and it has reminded me of mine."

Kaidan heard Aurelia swear under her breath quietly before she took a step towards the mother and daughter. She slipped her right hand behind her back, and Kaidan realised she was charging it up with biotics.

"Shepard…" he cautioned quietly. "What are you doing?"

She ignored him, and it seemed like only Liara was listening to him – everyone else seemed oblivious.

"It has reminded me of what is truly important," Samara continued. "Why I swore I'd lay down my life."

Falere was still defiant as she faced her mother. "And what is that?"

Aurelia continued approaching Samara slowly, her arm still charging up.

"Falere…" Samara pulled out her pistol, and both Kaidan and Liara froze. "The Code demands an Ardat-Yakshi cannot live outside a monastery that no longer exists."

"Samara!" Shepard used her warning tone as she continued approaching the justicar slowly. "Don't."

"I'm sorry, Shepard. By the justicar's Code, there is only one way I can save Falere." She raised her pistol.

"No!"

Kaidan wasn't sure who shouted – was it him? Was it Falere? Was it Shepard?

Before he knew it, in a flash of brilliant blue Aurelia had Samara caught in a biotic stasis. It flared several times as Samara used her own biotics to try to break free, in vivid bursts of white and blue.

"Let go, Shepard!" Samara's voice was fierce.

"I can't let you do that, Samara!"

Liara's voice was astonished. "Shepard, what are you doing? You can't overcome a justicar! She'll overpower you!"

Aurelia continued to ignore her squadmates. "Samara, I can't let you throw your life away just for your Code!" Another flash of biotics. Shepard's face was twisted with concentration, sweat dripping down her brow – she was a great biotic, but she was no match for an asari justicar hundreds of years older than her.

"I have to! I won't kill my last daughter!" Samara continued to struggle, with another flare of blue. Kaidan realised she was holding back; the justicar could easily break out of Shepard's hold, but he guessed she wasn't because she didn't truly want to have to fulfil her Code.

"You won't have to!" Falere shouted.

Samara ceased struggling. "Falere?"

"I'll stay here… my home. I could have left anytime, but I didn't. I have a code of my own, which I will honour. And it's telling me to stay here. No matter what's become of it."

Samara was quiet for a moment. Aurelia's biotics crackled around her, holding Samara's arms still at her sides. "Very well. Then, the Code permits you to stay, as you are."

Shepard exhaled and released her hold on Samara. "Thank goodness because I don't know how much longer I could have held onto you."

Falere hugged her mother, and Samara reluctantly returned the embrace.

"When this war is over, and if I am able, I promise to visit. As a justicar should."

Samara turned to Aurelia. "I am sorry to have resisted your hold so strongly. And I am also sorry for making you have to do that, in order to prevent me from making a mistake. Thank you, Shepard."

Aurelia seemed dizzy as she replied. "And thanks for not using your full powers against me. I'm not… I'm… I'm…" Her eyes rolled back and her knees gave way under her, causing her to drop to the floor unconscious.

"Aurelia!" Kaidan sprinted over, kneeling beside her and gently taking her head onto his knees. The neck wound had reopened, for who knows how long, and combined with the effort she'd made to contain Samara she had effectively exhausted herself. He scrambled to close up the wound roughly again, thankful that they'd be back on the Normandy and she could be under the care of Doctor Michel soon.

"She spoke of you, Major Alenko." Samara's voice was serene. "She kept a photo of you on her desk. Please tell her… please tell her thank you. She has helped me in so many ways, and it is time I joined her fight. I will stay with Falere for a while, but afterwards it would be my honour to give what I can against the Reapers."

Kaidan couldn't find any words. He simply nodded at the justicar, his mind filled with worry. She reciprocated, and left him with Liara and an unconscious Aurelia.

"I've already told Cortez to come down, and fast. We'll have her with Doctor Michel in no time." Liara said.

Kaidan nodded and lifted her into his arms, not letting go of Aurelia until he lay her down on a table in the med bay.

"Major," Doctor Michel was already preparing an IV drip. "There is nothing you can do. Your field dressing was adequate, she just pushed herself too far."

EDI notified him that Councillor Tevos was waiting for an update via the QEC, and with Doctor Michel's blessing Kaidan left the med bay to provide Tevos with a mission report. Fortunately, the conversation ended with a win – Tevos was sending a group of asari commandos to Admiral Hackett. That would be some good news for Aurelia when she woke up.

Before Kaidan could return to the med bay, however, EDI pronounced that Hackett himself was trying to contact them. Hackett also had some good news: the quarians wanted to talk, and the Normandy was to head to the Far Rim immediately.

"You heard that, Joker?" Kaidan said into his comm as he made his way back to Deck 3.

"Loud and clear, Major. Setting a course now. We'll need to refuel on the way but that won't delay us too much. I'll let you know when I have an ETA."

"Great, thank you."

Doctor Michel looked up as Kaidan entered the med bay. "Ah, Major, you are just on time. I have finished patching up her neck wound, and she just finished her round of intravenous fluid. She will be fine; she just needs her rest. Would you mind taking her up to her quarters?"

Kaidan agreed, gingerly picking up Aurelia off the bed and thanking Doctor Michel for her work. Somehow the good doctor had gotten her out of her armour and into standard issue cotton tank top and sweatpants, and Aurelia just looked so _small_ in his arms while he was still in his armour. After laying her down on her own bed in her cabin, Kaidan ruffled through her closet to find her N7 hoodie – something she practically never slept without – and delicately put it on her sleeping body before tucking her in.

He kneeled by her bed for a few minutes, taking in the sight of his precious Aurelia. The IV fluid had done her good – even the slightest amount had returned some colour to her cheeks. And now, asleep, she looked so… peaceful.

Kaidan softly planted a kiss on her forehead before leaving to finally get off his armour and clean himself up.

* * *

 **A/N:** **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	11. Chapter 11: The Far Rim

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect. Chapter contains some graphic depictions.**

* * *

 _Chapter 11: The Far Rim_

The banshee screams were haunting enough to pierce through Aurelia's dreams.

She woke up on a beach, armour-clad and half in the water; the waves lapped at her torso as the hot sun bore down on her face. The sun was too bright, too vivid, for her visor-less face and immediately her head started aching. She got up slowly, ears still ringing. The air was sticky and humid; in an effort to cool off, she waded out into the sea until the water reached her knees, splashing her face with the salt water.

Shepard took in her surroundings as best she could in the burning sun: in front of her was a vast, clear blue sea, while behind her were tall rock features ending in a sandy beach and topped with lush tropical greens. Thane's words came to her: _I go across the sea_.

Was she dead? No, she couldn't be. This place looked too familiar.

Aurelia's stomach dropped when she realised: Virmire.

Before she could dwell on the thought, another banshee scream sliced through the still air. She turned back towards the sea, towards the source of the sound, and saw three husks wading through the water and trying to run towards her. She reached for her gun only to find its holster empty.

Instinctively she threw a shockwave towards the husks, hitting two and knocking them over but not killing them. One continued running to her, but she managed to take it down with a warp; its body collapsed and floated on the shallow water, convulsing as the warp worked. The second husk had gotten up and continued running at her only to be met with a fist. Shepard punched the husk's head back to disorient it again, reaching for and twisting its neck. Another banshee scream echoed around her and the third husk managed to gain the upper hand, lunging at her while she was distracted.

Aurelia struggled with the husk, pushing it off of her and throwing it in the water. She kneeled over it and forced its head underwater without even stopping to think if husks could drown. The husk resisted, kicking and thrashing at Shepard, and it took her a lot of effort to keep it pinned down.

When the husk ceased moving, a nearby voice whispered to Shepard.

"Siha."

She looked around, startled by Thane's voice. Aurelia was still alone, the only creatures around her having been the three husks. Where was his voice coming from?

"Siha."

It was clearer this time. With dread she turned to the second husk, whose neck she'd snapped – but it wasn't a husk anymore. It was Thane.

She shrieked, turning to the first husk. It bore the appearance of Mordin, twisted and degraded because of the warp she had used. With dread she looked down where her hands were still clasped around the head of the last husk, still forcing it under water.

It was Ashley.

Aurelia screamed, blood-curdling and terrified, as yet another banshee scream rang through her ears. She stood up and her surroundings changed immediately; the sun vanished, the beach plunged into darkness, and oily shadows appeared all around Shepard. She backpedalled away from the three bodies of her friends, tripping and falling into the water. Something pulled her beneath the surface, and no matter how much she struggled the air in her lungs was replaced by water.

She couldn't breathe.

The startling feeling of not being able to breathe, the déjà vu that washed over her body, thrust Shepard out of her nightmare with a pained yell.

"Commander," EDI was startled. "Are you alright?"

Aurelia sat bolt upright in her bed, her face in her hands and her breathing heavy. "It was another dream, EDI. Don't worry about it."

"This is the fourth such instance a vivid dream has awoken you in your sleep in the past two weeks, Commander." EDI's voice sounded… concerned? "Should I alert Doctor Michel?"

"No," her answer was a little too quick. She wiped some sweat from her forehead. "No, don't alert Doctor Michel. I'm fine, it's just stress."

Slowly, the events that had transpired came back to her: the Ardat-Yakshi monastery, her ear drums feeling like they'd been blown out by the banshee screams, her neck wound, using the remainder of her energy to stop Samara from killing herself. She remembered blacking out afterwards, and she had no idea how she got back to the ship, much less how she ended up in her sweats and N7 hoodie. Aurelia vaguely recalled strong, warm arms around her and guessed it must have been Kaidan who carried her up here – she panicked for an instant, wondering if he'd seen the glowing scars that still covered her torso and legs, but she quickly dismissed the thought. She trusted Doctor Michel.

There were very few people who had seen the eerie red glow of her cybernetics, and Aurelia wanted to keep it that way. It was why she always took great care to wear her fatigues or hoodie and sweats if she wasn't in her armour, and why she felt vulnerable wearing anything less. Fortunately her face had healed by the time Project Lazarus was terminated early, and she was sure only three people – Miranda, Chakwas, and Doctor Michel – had seen what lay underneath her flesh; four, if Jacob had seen her body at all prior to her awakening.

After getting a particularly nasty gash during her first encounter with a brute on Palaven, Aurelia had explained to Michel about her cybernetics and that she didn't want anyone else to see them. The doctor had been super professional about it, going so far as to making sure no one else was present whenever Michel had to attend to wounds in the scarred areas of Shepard's body. Aurelia knew that Doctor Michel would never betray her trust, and she was certain that her torso would have been covered if Michel let Kaidan bring Shepard up to her cabin.

Another reason to thank the doctor.

Turning her attention to the vast viewing window on top of her cabin, Aurelia noticed the Normandy was at FTL speeds. "EDI, where are we going? And how long was I out?"

"While you were recovering, we received orders from Admiral Hackett to travel to the Far Rim. The quarian fleets are willing to talk."

Aurelia let out a sigh of relief, allowing herself a small smile. The quarians had the largest fleet in the galaxy, and the fact they wanted to talk was the best news she'd heard in a while. Her cynical subconscious wasn't too far behind, however: _they probably want something_ , it said.

She batted away the scepticism as EDI answered her second question. "You were unconscious for approximately 7 hours. Doctor Michel diagnosed exhaustion and fluid loss, both of which she treated you for. She said you would be fine with rest."

"Thanks for letting me know, EDI." She checked the time, which read about 0130 hours in their current night cycle. She forced herself out of bed and ignored EDI's protests of going back to sleep. "I'm just going to shower to calm down and get a cup of tea from the mess. It'll help put me back to sleep, I promise."

"Very well, Commander." EDI sounded hesitant. "Logging you out."

Her ears were still ringing with discomfort as she jumped into the shower and soaked her body, but Aurelia paid no attention to it; she took her time in the shower, letting the hot water calm her tense muscles. She steadily repeated 'it was just a nightmare' to herself like a mantra as she soaped and rinsed, finally calming herself as she towelled off.

Aurelia paused to look at her neck in the mirror, holding her towel wrapped around her chest loosely; Doctor Michel had done a fine job of patching it up and it didn't look like it would leave a permanent mark. With a deep breath, she let the towel drop so she could once again inspect the grid-like pattern of scars on her torso.

The scars had mostly healed by now in the time since she'd woken up over a year ago. But there was still a small patch on the right side of her waist that refused to close up, as well as a few scars that ran down her right leg. Miranda couldn't explain the why the torso wouldn't heal, and her best guess on the leg was that it had been the last limb they'd brought back to life – it had had the least time to heal before Aurelia woke, and perhaps that was why it wouldn't heal now. But the marks on Shepard's waist were a source of mystery and endless frustration for Miranda because she claimed it was a reminder that her work was imperfect.

What Aurelia did know, however, was that nobody except those absolutely necessary could know that Commander Shepard, Saviour of the Citadel and at the forefront of uniting the galaxy, was no longer wholly human, and was partly cybernetic. Or, worse, that the technology used to build the cybernetics was based on that of the very demons they were waging this war against.

She prodded at her waist with a grimace. The glow had been fading, showing only faintly while she was in Vancouver, but it seemed to be slightly brighter at the moment. She dismissed the thought; it was probably just the lighting in here.

As Aurelia got dressed in her sweats and hoodie again, she briefly thought about Miranda. She was worried about her friend – she hadn't heard from her since Shepard had given her access to Alliance intel. But Miranda could take care of herself, and would reach out to Aurelia when she could.

Aurelia combed through her hair, leaving it loose as she headed down for the mess. She grabbed a datapad before getting into the elevator; since she was awake, she might as well do something useful.

Down in the mess Aurelia frowned when she couldn't find any 'real' tea – she'd been hoping for some calming chamomile but all she could find were some dangerously blue coloured dried flowers, which she guessed was some sort of asari tea. It was labelled 'levo-friendly' and 'herbal drink for night-time,' so she went ahead and brewed herself a cup. The herbal concoction would have to do for now, but she'd have to add chamomile tea to the requisition list; if it were even possible to get it at a time like this, she wanted to make sure there was some in the mess.

 _Ah, maybe that's what I'll do_ , she thought. _I'll work on a requisition list for Cortez_.

Shepard sat down at a table with her hot blue liquid in a mug and got to work on the list, typing in a few things off the top of her head onto the datapad. She remembered her visor short-circuiting on Lesuss, so she'd need a new one; a newer visor was definitely going at the top of the requisition orders. She sipped at her tea (which was surprisingly alright) as she worked. Garrus had mentioned a new scope, Adams requested some thermal conduits, and there was the tea, so she noted down all of those as well.

"Can't sleep, Commander?"

Aurelia looked up from her cup of tea to see James smirking at her from across the table. She'd been so absorbed in her datapad that she hadn't even heard him approach.

She flashed a playful scowl at him before going back to her datapad. "Quite on the contrary, Vega. I was knocked out for a few hours so I thought I'd come down for a midnight snack before I went back to bed." She nodded at the seat across from her without looking up. "Have a seat, if you'd like. I'm just going over a requisition list to give to Cortez."

"I'm alright, Lola, thanks. Glad to see you're alright." He turned, thought better of it, and turned back to Aurelia. "Actually, I did have something I wanted to talk to you about."

His tone was serious compared to his usual chatty demeanour. Shepard decided it was an important matter, putting down her datapad and looking up at him. "What's on your mind, James?"

James leaned on the table, not meeting her eyes and hesitating for a moment before speaking. "What'd you do when they asked you to join the N7 program?" He met her gaze. "I mean… was it a no-brainer for you? Or did you have to think it over before accepting?"

She raised an eyebrow and leaned back in her seat against the cool partition of the mess. She didn't know what she had been expecting him to ask, but it certainly wasn't this. "I… I don't know. I suppose that means it was a no-brainer. The N7 program is a big deal and a big commitment; it gives you the best training, equipment, and assignments."

"And they expect the best in return…" He tilted his head, as if he was trying to figure something out. "So why _did_ you accept?"

"Because I'd always wanted to see Rio," she grinned. James rolled his eyes at her, and they shared a quiet laugh before she continued. "It was an honour, I guess. Even to go to N-school at all is a big deal. I was one of the youngest marines ever to be invited to the villa, and since I didn't have any family I just went for it. The only person I had depending on me was me; making a full commitment to the N-program wasn't really going to be a problem. But you should remember that I didn't actually make N7 until after Akuze."

"Don't worry Lola, I remember you telling me. How could I ever forget all those stories you told me during the six months I was your, what did you call me? Your guard dog?"

Aurelia laughed. "You were a good guard dog, Vega. Anyway, after Akuze it really was a no-brainer for me to accept the N7 rank. Why do you ask?"

James sighed and looked away again. "Well, even with all the shit that's going on, somebody somewhere tracked me down and forwarded me an N7 commendation. It's… it's dated the same day the Reapers attacked Earth."

"And you're not thrilled about this because…?"

"Aside from the fact that there won't be an N7 program if we don't win this war, I just…" He stood upright, crossing his arms over his chest. "Last time I had a command –"

"Vega," Aurelia interrupted him. "We've been through this. Do I need to remind you that Fehl Prime was not your fault? Unless you want to dance right now, in the middle of the night."

James ignored her attempt to cheer him up. "But even if it wasn't my fault, I lost almost everyone and I got promoted for it." His tone was sombre, anxious. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to lead again. I don't even know if I want that responsibility."

Shepard sighed. She'd have to take a different approach.

"James… as a leader, you've got a job to do. And that job is to make the best possible decision you can in the moment, even if that means sending your squad into a do or die situation. Would things have worked out better if you'd saved them all on Fehl Prime?"

"I… I don't think so."

"The right choice is usually _not_ the easiest one. There hasn't been a single N7 that hasn't sacrificed, either themselves or their soldiers, at some point. It's probably why I was asked, and you too. Somebody somewhere saw potential in me, and they see it in you."

"So you think I should accept?"

She smiled. "Only you can make that decision James. But I think you already know the answer."

James nodded, his eyes deep in thought. "Yeah, I think so." He looked up at Aurelia and smiled. "Well Lola, thanks for the chat. I better hit the hay for the night. Oh, and I would appreciate it if we kept this conversation between us?"

She mimicked 'X' over her chest. "Scout's honour. Queen of the girl scouts, in fact." He thanked her again as he walked away. "Anytime, Vega. Good night."

Aurelia took another sip of her blue herbal drink and cringed – it'd gone cold while she was talking to James, which she took as a sign she herself should head to bed and try to sleep more before they got to the Far Rim. She made her way back to the kitchenette and washed up her mug, putting it away quietly before she heard soft padded footsteps behind her.

Shepard turned to see Kaidan, dressed in his hoodie and glasses with a mug in one hand, heading towards the kitchenette. He obviously hadn't seen her yet as he was engrossed in a datapad that he carried in his other hand.

"Always working, aren't you, LT?"

Kaidan startled and looked up, his expression softening when he realised it was Shepard. "And you're always surprising me in the middle of the night."

"Hey, I was here first," she teased.

"That doesn't mean you didn't surprise me, Shep." He put his mug down on the counter, and Aurelia noted the blue tinge inside; he'd probably had the same 'tea' she had. "How are you feeling?"

Her hand immediately flew to her neck. "Better. Doctor Michel did an amazing job patching this up. And thank you for bringing me up to my cabin." She gestured at him. "What are you doing up?"

"I finally found some of my biotics spec-ops squad," he said while giving the datapad a shake. "I'm helping them organise themselves before I send them Hackett's way. I figured since I'm here on the Normandy it was the least I could do for the Fifth Fleet."

"That's really great, Kaidan." She briefly thought about Jack, wondering if her and her students were doing alright in their support position.

"And you? What are you doing up?" He placed the datapad on the counter, carefully removing his glasses and balancing them on top of the datapad.

"I woke up and decided I needed a shower and some tea." She wouldn't tell him about the nightmare. "And I finished my tea, so I'll probably try and get some shut eye."

"Good." Shepard wasn't sure if Kaidan sounded like a doting nurse on purpose or not. "Oh, we got orders from Hackett while you were out."

"I know, quarians in the Far Rim. I'm glad they want to talk but part of me feels like they'll want something in return."

"Exactly my thoughts," he nodded. "I tried reaching out to Tali, see if she was with the Migrant Fleet and if she could give any indications, but she was very vague. She did say she would see us when we got to the Far Rim, but she didn't say much more."

Aurelia was impressed. "Good thinking, Kaidan. And it'll be nice to see Tali, but if she's being vague that makes me a bit worried."

"Me too. God, I haven't seen her in years – it'll be good to see her again. We did have a nice chat, though. She's a good egg." Kaidan's face wrinkled with embarrassment, and Aurelia flashed an entertained grin. "Wait, don't tell her I said that. In case it's an insult in quarian, or something like that."

She grinned for a few seconds longer. "Don't worry about it, I won't say a thing. But was there anything else I missed while unconscious?"

"Councillor Tevos sends her thanks. Samara, too. Samara also promised she would join the war effort, which I imagine will be good for us." He shrugged, moving around the counter to wash out his mug as he spoke. "Apart from that, not much. We got back to the ship not too long before most of the crew's night cycle began so it was fairly quiet. Well, actually, James pissed off the mess sergeant by trying to cook some eggs and Liara tried to interview Javik again. I take it went better this time because she started making a list of potential book titles. James suggested 'The Adventures of Prothy the Prothean.' Joker's nickname is catching on apparently."

Aurelia rolled her eyes. "Classic Vega. And Garrus?"

Kaidan finished cleaning his mug and put it away before he answered. "He stuck to the Main Battery tonight. He said he was finally getting somewhere with some calibrations for rifle mods he's been working on." He leaned with his back towards the sink, mimicking Aurelia's position.

"That one really can never quite stay still…"

Kaidan murmured his agreement but said nothing else. They stood quietly, side by side in the Normandy's small kitchenette, for a few moments. The silence of the mess hall settled around them and Aurelia immediately felt self-conscious – if not a little awkward. She wasn't sure what to say, and the light hum of the engines seemed deafening to her as she acutely felt Kaidan's presence.

More than anything she wanted to reach out and pull him into an embrace, to feel his warm arms around her again. But while light flirting and joking around was one thing, physical affection was a different level of intimacy that Aurelia did not feel ready for yet; she didn't know how to tell Kaidan that she was half machine and that beneath her clothes lay a glowing window to the cybernetics below. Well, half machine was an exaggeration, but it was how she felt.

She cleared her throat. "Well, uh, I should uh –"

"Aurelia," he spoke softly, warmly. "You don't have to say anything. It's late, we can talk in the morning." He pushed himself away from the sink and faced her. "Good night, Commander."

Kaidan really did know her.

He turned and left, picking up his datapad and glasses off the counter as he retreated back to Starboard Observation.

"Good night, Major," she called after him. As she headed back up to her own cabin, she wore a small smile and a heavy heart – the former for Kaidan, and the latter for not having the courage to tell him the truth.

* * *

The first sign that something was wrong came when Joker informed Aurelia that they weren't meeting up with the Migrant Fleet, but instead with an envoy of three ships – a frigate and some support.

Where the hell was the rest of the Migrant Fleet?

"My scans do not detect the Migrant Fleet in close proximity, Shepard." EDI had read Aurelia's mind. "I would guess that the remainder of the fleet is not even in this system."

She grit her teeth. "Why did they want to talk to us if they don't even trust us enough to meet at the Migrant Fleet?" She sighed. "Just give the admirals – and _only_ the admirals, no one else – permission to board. Two can play at that game."

"I see the teeth are out today, Commander," Joker tipped his hat at her jokingly. "Your wish is my command."

Aurelia didn't bother responding. Instead, she exited the cockpit and walked briskly to the War Room, where she would wait for the quarian admirals.

Today she hadn't bothered with her dress blues; she'd tried to show some formality when hosting the Dalatrass, Primarch Victus, and Wrex for their 'war summit' (if she could call it that), but experiencing _that_ made her wearier of meetings like the one she was about to have. She picked at the sleeve of her Alliance BDUs, trying to dispel the sinking feeling in her stomach as she waited for the admirals. This meeting _had_ to go well.

After ten minutes of pacing, the door to the War Room finally hissed open. Aurelia straightened up, putting on her best neutral expression to greet the quarians.

"Commander Shepard," Admiral Raan started. "A pleasure to see you again. Though I wish it were under better circumstances."

She nodded at them. "Greetings, admirals. Admiral Raan, Admiral Gerrel, Admiral Xen, and…" she paused. "Where is Admiral Koris?"

Xen strolled forward confidently. "He will be joining us via communicator." She balanced a small device on the main console of the room, and a holographic image of Admiral Koris appeared.

"Commander Shepard," he greeted.

Aurelia furrowed her eyebrows at him. "Admiral Korris…" She knew that Koris didn't like her, but taking out his spite by not being present was low – there had to be another reason. Aurelia glanced around at the quarians gathered in the War Room. "What's going on? Why isn't Koris joining us?"

The admirals looked at each other before Gerrel stepped forward. "Seventeen days ago, with precision strikes on four geth systems, the quarians initiated a war to retake our homeworld."

Koris didn't miss a beat, speaking with heavy frustration. "Which was a _clear_ violation of our agreement with the Council to avoid provoking the geth!"

Was she hearing things? It felt like her ears were still ringing from the night before.

" _What_?"

"A treaty violation is nothing compared to recovering our homeworld and advanced AI techn–"

"No!" Shepard slapped a fist on the console. "You started a _war_ with the geth when the galaxy was already _at_ war? The biggest conflict it's ever seen?"

"An opportunity arose, Commander," Gerrel retorted. His tone was defiant, arrogant almost. "We had to retake Rannoch, our _home_ , which we _lost_ to the geth."

"After we attempted to kill them."

"Koris," Xen was calm, unlike the rest of the admirals. "We tried to deactivate them, not kill them. It wasn't murder."

Aurelia couldn't believe what she was hearing. The quarian admirals were bickering as if they were siblings fighting over the last slice of pizza at the dinner table.

"No, it was murder." She spoke coolly – if Xen could be so nonchalant about this, she could too. "You tried to correct the fact you created AI by killing them all."

Koris made a cynical noise almost like a laugh. "Don't bother trying to convince them, Commander. I've tried for years. Besides, admitting we were wrong would undercut their justification for this suicidal invasion plan. This time… we may have destroyed our people for good."

"Koris…" Raan admonished him, shaking her head. She turned to Gerrel, who stepped forward and transferred a projection from his omni-tool to the console.

"We'd driven the geth back to the home system when this signal began broadcasting to all geth ships." A holographic planet appeared on the display, complete with images of the Migrant Fleet and geth ships flying around it. A red pulse started flying through the geth images. "We determined the signal is from the Reapers. Under their control, the geth are significantly more effective. Our fleet is pinned in the home system. If we're going to win–"

"Win?" Koris interrupted. " _Win_? _You_ insisted on involving the civilian ships, Gerrel! If we don't retreat, we will lose them!" His hologram turned to Aurelia. "That is why I did not join you today, Commander. I wanted to remain with my live ships, to ensure their safety while the other admirals were away."

Whatever his excuse was, Aurelia hadn't been expecting that. She could understand where he was coming from, and quite honestly he was the only admiral she was on the same page with currently. This wasn't the same Koris she remembered from Tali's trial.

Now that she thought about it… where was Tali?

"Commander, please… help us get our people out of there," Koris' pleading brought her thoughts back into the War Room.

His voice was grave, sincere, and she finally understood why they had called her to the Far Rim.

"Where is the signal coming from?" Aurelia asked.

"Here," Gerrel altered the projection again. It zoomed in on a particularly large geth ship in orbit above Rannoch. "A geth dreadnought."

Xen chimed in. "The signal should be able to be stopped from within the ship. Cutting it off would throw the geth into complete disarray."

"Giving our live ships a chance to retreat." Koris finally had some hope in his voice.

"The problem is," Raan continued, "the dreadnought has more power and defences than anything we have."

Aurelia sighed. She knew they would want something; she knew this was coming.

"The Normandy's stealth drive can get us to the dreadnought undetected. A small team can board and infiltrate the dreadnought to disable the Reaper command signal."

The admirals looked at each other, as if they already knew that she was going to suggest that. _How the hell could they have known the Normandy's stealth drives were capable of that?_

Before any of the quarians could reply, Aurelia decided to press her luck, and make her demands clear. " _But_ , if I agree to do this, the Migrant Fleet must retreat and all of you must agree to assist in the war against the Reapers." She turned to Koris. "But keeping the live ships out of it, of course. I don't want to put any more civilian lives in danger."

"I agree to these terms!" Koris said enthusiastically.

The other admirals murmured in agreement. "Good," Shepard said. "That settles it. I'll prepare my team, and when we're ready we can travel back to the Perseus Veil with your envoy ships."

"Oh, Commander," Raan turned to the room's entrance. "Our newest admiral has also volunteered to offer technical expertise."

Aurelia knitted her brows in confusion before she recognised the figure entering the War Room – then she couldn't stop herself from grinning.

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, reporting for duty."

"Glad you could join the party, Tali." Aurelia wiped the smile off her face before turning back to the other admirals. "I'll prepare my team. Give us a few hours, and I'll notify you when we're ready."

The hologram of Koris fizzed out, and the other quarians left the room.

"Tali!" Aurelia pulled her friend into a hug once they were alone. " _Admiral_?"

"It's mostly a formality," Tali replied, brushing it off. "It's because I'm an expert on the geth."

"That you are… and I take it was your plan to use the Normandy to get to the dreadnought? I doubt the other admirals knew our stealth systems were advanced enough to infiltrate geth bases."

"I… may have let slip our little manoeuvre at the Heretic Station."

"So why did you miss the meeting?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

Tali sighed. "The other admirals… they requested I stay out of it. They wanted you to offer help to them as leaders, and not because I, your friend, was asking for it." She shrugged. "I really don't understand them sometimes."

"And this war?" Aurelia tried not to sound angry, so she clenched her jaw to try to calm down. How could Tali have agreed to the war? "Do you understand this war?"

"No." Tali's blunt tone surprised Shepard. "I don't understand it. Before, I would have supported an invasion. But after Legion… it changed my views drastically. After talking to it I thought peace might be possible."

"So why help the other admirals?"

"Because… I'm an admiral now. People look to me for guidance, and public disagreement would divide the fleet."

Aurelia heard the doubt in her friend's voice; she knew when someone was trying to sound strong for the benefit of others. She put a hand on Tali's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Tali glanced around, double-checking they were alone, and exhaled heavily. "No. No, I'm not." She put a hand on her mask, like she was holding her face in her hands. "Seventeen million lives are riding on me and I don't know if I can save them!"

"Tali," Aurelia softened her tone to comfort the young admiral. "You're not alone. I'm here. _We're_ here. The Normandy is here to help Tali'Zorah vas Normandy." She smiled, tilting Tali's mask up to look at Shepard's face. "We'll get your people out of there safely."

Tali nodded and took a step back when Aurelia lowered her arm. "I couldn't do this without you, Shepard. I feel like I'm bluffing, trying to convince them the admiral's daughter knows what she's doing."

"Not the admiral's _daughter_. The _admiral_."

Tali sighed again, remaining quiet for a long moment. "Oh Keelah, I'm sorry. Here I am complaining about seventeen million lives when you have an entire galaxy depending on you."

Aurelia smiled and shook her head. "Tali, it's fine. I'm used to the pressure, and after a while you learn to live with it. Trust me, you'll be fine."

 _And have recurring stress nightmares, but nonetheless fine_ , Aurelia thought sarcastically. Again, she pushed away her cynical subconscious and continued giving Tali a reassuring smile.

"Thank you, Shepard. You know, I took the position because of you. I wanted to be able to shoot down the worst ideas, and be there for you when the time came. You've given up so much, stood for so long on your own… I'm sorry that we went ahead with this stupid invasion."

"It's… it's okay, I'm here now and we'll get your people to safety in a few hours. Then we'll get back to the big bad guys."

"Right. Well, I'm ready to hit the dreadnought when you are."

Aurelia patted Tali's shoulder. "Not so fast, tiger. We still have some time, and besides, I still have to suit up."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Tali turned to the console and picked up a box that Shepard hadn't notice her place down before. "I got you something. It's a little rough because I worked on it overnight but," she handed over the box, "here."

Aurelia eyed the box suspiciously before accepting it. She couldn't remember the last time someone had given her a present.

"Thanks, I guess?"

"Open it, you bosh'tet!"

Aurelia frowned but obliged. She opened the box and her eyes widened when she saw the contents – it was a new visor.

"It's based on both geth and quarian technology, mainly for its software. We have similar software in our enviro-suits, and it helps with balancing power for omni-tools. I modified it to help with your biotic amp's processing power, too – you should experience smoother transition between powers. I call it Archon."

She picked up the sleek visor, thumbing it with one hand to turn it on while the other still gripped the box. It was double-edged so that instead of covering one eye and ear, both had access to the visor's red array. The bottom of the visor curled around the chin from both sides for both protection and comms.

Aurelia flicked it off and put it back in the box. "This is amazing, Tali, thank you. But how did you know I needed a new one?"

Tali played with her fingers. "Oh, Kaidan mentioned it. When he contacted me last night I asked him how you were, and he told me a little about the mission yesterday. I figured you'd probably need a new visor before you would be able to stop by the Citadel and get one."

"Well… that's really thoughtful of you, Tali. I really appreciate it." Aurelia patted her friend's shoulder and started leading her out of the room. "I'll test it out in the shuttle bay after we get back, since I'll need to use my breather helmet today. But in the mean time, let's suit up and get our good friend Mr Vakarian to help us infiltrate a dreadnought, shall we?"

* * *

 **A/N:** **Thank you for reading! And thank you to Impslave for the review!**

 **You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	12. Chapter 12: Unusual Allies

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect.**

* * *

 _Chapter 12: Unusual Allies_

A single drop of sweat rolled down Kaidan's temple as a testament to his nerves. His arms were firmly locked across his chest and he didn't even notice he was sweating; his eyes were glued to the docking tube outside the Normandy cockpit's window. Tali and Garrus were chatting by the airlock entrance behind him, decked in their combat gear and ready for Shepard's signal. Actually, flirting was probably a more accurate description than chatting, as they seemed blissfully unaware of the brevity of the mission while in each other's presence.

He was slightly annoyed at their behaviour and at having been kept off the mission, but right now his concern trumped that; he'd seen Aurelia's face before equipping her breather helmet.

Though her expression was neutral, her eyes had been gripped with fear.

Shepard had insisted that Kaidan stay aboard the Normandy for this mission, saying he had to help coordinate with Admiral Raan and Xen, who were both in the War Room keeping a close eye on the dreadnought infiltration. She'd looked confident right up until she approached the airlock and eyed her breather helmet, but even then Kaidan knew he was the only one who could spot the fear in her eyes. It was then he realised she was uncomfortable with the plan because it involved her venturing out into space alone, her magboots the only thing between life and getting spaced again.

"How's it going, Commander?" He asked tentatively.

Joker had kept her talking so far, making sure not to break contact with Aurelia. It was a good idea and Kaidan was glad Joker understood as well.

"I'm about halfway, I think." Shepard's voice was calm and betrayed nothing. "Tali should be able to cross over soon. Have her be ready."

"Got it." He moved slightly towards the back of the cockpit, far enough so that Garrus and Tali would hear him. "Hey lovebirds, Shepard's almost over. Tali get ready to start crossing."

"Right," Tali replied. She entered the airlock and closed it behind her, ready for the signal.

Kaidan wasn't sure if Tali hadn't heard his comment or was just choosing to ignore it. Garrus, on the other hand, was scratching the back of his neck and casting his eyes down timidly. He couldn't help smirking at his old friends, despite the situation; he'd have more time to tease them later.

He turned back towards Joker when suddenly the Normandy lurched, causing Kaidan to stumble. He caught himself before he fell, his smirk dissolving immediately as he regained footing and rushed to Joker's side.

"Shit!"

"Joker! Status?!"

Joker ignored Kaidan, frantically fiddling and typing in commands on his controls. "Shit, shit, Shepard! Do you read me? Are you alright?"

Kaidan looked out the window and, with horror, saw the docking tube drifting away.

"Major," EDI chimed in while Joker was still busy. "A piece of debris from the battle nearby struck the docking tube. Jeff had to disengage."

Kaidan stared outside and realised that it was only half of the docking tube floating away, and it was the half that had been attached to them. He could see the other half, damaged but still attached to the geth dreadnought. And was that a small figure he could just make out at the edge?

"Shepard, do you copy!"

"I'm alright, Joker." Her voice was still level, almost too calm; she'd probably waited to respond so she could compose herself. "But I don't think the rest of the crew will be using the docking tube."

Garrus rushed into the cockpit. "What's going on?"

"Docking tube's shot," Aurelia said. "Kaidan, have Xen find us another docking tube on the schematics she has. I can head there and open it from the inside."

"So I'm guessing you don't want to solo the geth dreadnought?"

Kaidan groaned internally and resisted the urge to smack Joker for his comment.

"Har har, very funny Joker. Just fly the damn ship to wherever Xen points out to us, alright?"

"Yes ma'am."

Kaidan rolled his eyes before going to the War Room. Admirals Xen and Raan had access to the comms from the War Room so they'd already heard what happened, and Xen was already uploading coordinates to EDI by the time Kaidan got there.

"Acknowledged, thank you Admiral," EDI's blue hologram glowed from a console, since her 'mobile platform' was in standby mode in the cockpit. "Heading to alternate docking tube now."

He remained in the War Room, monitoring the mission with the quarian admirals as Tali and Garrus joined Shepard and they started making their way through the dreadnought. Something tugged at his mind, however.

"EDI," he said as he turned his attention to the blue hologram that appeared instantaneously. "Why didn't your sensors detect the piece of debris headed for the docking tube?"

"They did. Jeff insisted to remain engaged because I had calculated a small possibility it would not collide. He decided to take the chance because he did not want to abandon the Commander."

Kaidan smiled. Joker always covered up his sensitive side with sarcastic comments.

"Change of plans!" Aurelia's voice brought Kaidan's attention back to the mission. "Shutting it off from the Operations Centre didn't work."

"What?" Admiral Raan exclaimed. "What happened?"

"Never mind that," Aurelia was panting, and Kaidan heard her grunt as she heaved herself down something. "We're going to the drive core. Heading there via Main Battery."

"Commander, that's not a good idea," Xen cautioned. "Tali'Zorah knows their titanic gun resides there."

"You want it done or not?" Kaidan could hear some gunfire in the background. "Look, it's a risk we're going to ta–"

The comm made a 'fzzt' sound and went silent.

"Shepard?" Kaidan started panicking. "What the hell just happened?"

"Calm down, Major," Xen seemed annoyed, crossing her arms. "The dreadnought's titanic gun releases an electromagnetic shockwave every time it fires. That's why the Main Battery was not the best idea, but if Tali'Zorah agreed to it then it means there was no other way. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she suggested it."

"So they've gone dark? For how long?"

Xen tapped her mask with a single finger, as if contemplating. "As long as they are in the Main Battery and exposed to the shockwaves, their comms won't be functional. But prolonged exposure may render their comms non-functional for a while. At least until their hardsuits can reboot its internal comms successfully."

"So we wait?" Kaidan asked, not hiding the annoyance in his tone.

"Yes, Major," Raan chimed in. "As much as you do not like it, we wait. We can monitor their vital signs from their hardsuit readings, because fortunately that is uncompromised. But otherwise we wait."

Great. Three high ranking military officials from two species, and all they could do was wait.

It felt like an eternity by the time any sound emerged from the console again.

"–omms finally back online. Took their sweet time, geez." Kaidan was sure he heard Shepard curse under her breath, but it was too quiet to be certain. "Shepard to Normandy, do you copy?"

Kaidan rushed to be the first one to respond. "Yes, we copy. What's your status?"

"Reaper command signal is ready to be disabled. The quarian fleets should be prepared to retreat within five minutes." Her voice became distant, as if she was talking to someone else next to her. "Legion, are you ready?"

Legion? Who was Legion?

Admiral Raan and Xen barked some commands into their personal comms before turning back to the console.

"Right, okay." Aurelia's voice returned to normal. "Disabling signal now! Normandy head to rendezvous point for pick up! Shepard out!"

Kaidan wasn't sure what he expected, but nothing visibly changed in the War Room. He turned again to EDI's hologram. "EDI, did it work? Was the code disabled?"

"Confirmed, Major. Reaper code was disabled. The dreadnought's shields have also been disabled."

"Excellent news," Raan said. She linked her omni-tool with the console, so that her personal comm was broadcast to the War Room and Shepard's crew as well. "Migrant Fleet, begin evacuation."

"Negative, Admiral. The dreadnought's shields are down – this is our chance! Heavy Fleet, fire!"

"WHAT?"

"Han'Gerrel! What are you doing?"

"Gerrel, are you mad?"

The loudest protest of all came from Aurelia, of course – even if she was on the comm and not actually present. "What the _fuck_ are you _doing_? We're still on board! Admiral Tali is still on board!"

"I'm sorry Commander, this is our best shot at crippling the geth fleet! Heavy Fleet, stay on course and focus all power on the dreadnought!"

Kaidan gaped, wide eyes focused on Raan. "You have to stop him! Or continue with the evacuation order!"

She averted his gaze, and Kaidan knew she wasn't going to listen. "I… I'm sorry Major. The Heavy Fleet is too important to lose. All other fleets… support the Heavy Fleet. Fire on that dreadnought."

Xen sighed, and reluctantly gave a similar order.

It took a lot of effort for Kaidan not to throw the quarian admirals out of the airlock right then and there.

He took a deep breath, channelling his anger and focused on Aurelia's situation. "Shepard, listen, the quarians aren't backing down. We can't pick you up with the Normandy without getting hit ourselves. Can you find any escape pods?"

He heard her murmuring to someone else before she replied. "Apparently geth don't use escape pods." She was slightly breathless, as though they were running. "But we'll steal a geth fighter and fly it out of here. Joker, sending you coordinates now."

"Got it, Commander," Joker's voice rung through the comms. "Make sure you wiggle your wings so we know which one is yours."

Kaidan waited for confirmation they were aboard a fighter and flying out of there before sighing with relief. He headed to the shuttle bay, eager to greet them as soon as they came back.

As he left the War Room, he heard Raan barking one last order. "Gerrel. Report to the Normandy _immediately_ to explain yourself. To me _and_ to Commander Shepard."

It was some time before the geth fighter docked in the Normandy's shuttle bay. Kaidan stood between James and Steve, with Doctor Michel on standby in case there were any injuries.

Garrus climbed out first with an exaggerated sigh, though Kaidan couldn't blame him – the fighter looked a bit cramped for the almost seven foot turian. Tali came out second, nimble as always, but eerily quiet. Kaidan had no doubt she was internally cursing at Han'Gerrel. A breather helmet was thrown out next, followed by Aurelia. Her face was cold, her eyes slightly narrowed, and her shoulders were set.

Han'Gerrel was in for it.

Kaidan approached Aurelia, opening his mouth to say something, when a fourth figure emerged from the fighter.

"Shepard, watch out!"

He immediately charged up an overload on his omni-tool, ready to hit the geth emerging from the fighter, but Aurelia locked a hand around his wrist and tugged it down.

"He's with us."

" _It_ , Shepard. _It's_ with us." Tali said over her shoulder casually as she continued towards the elevator.

"Right. It."

Kaidan furrowed his brows, his omni-tool still ready with the overload, and held Aurelia's stare. Her hand was still gripped firmly around his wrist, preventing him from doing anything.

"The _geth_ is with you?"

"Yes, Legion is with us. I'll explain later, Kaidan. Trust me?"

It wasn't a hard guess for Kaidan to make – he thought he knew all about Shepard's time with Cerberus, but it turned out she had kept some missions out of the records, like her face-off with Samara's daughter. It wasn't too much of a stretch to have left out some other mission details, or to have conveniently not reported certain personnel on her reports to the Illusive Man. Garrus and Tali seemed nonchalant about it, too; Kaidan concluded that this geth unit must have history with the Normandy. He would have to trust it for now.

He nodded at Aurelia, powering down his omni-tool. She nodded and gave him a small smile before releasing his wrist.

"Shepard-Commander," the geth spoke. "Perhaps Alenko-Major and Normandy would feel more comfortable if we relinquished possession of our sniper rifle until they acclimatise to our presence."

Shepard turned back to the geth unit. "Legion, you don't have a rif–" she looked at what he was holding out to her. "Is that why you chose that fighter in particular?"

The plates around the flashlight on its head flexed slightly. "Affirmative."

She eyed the geth with newfound interest. "Geth don't have sentiment, huh? Alright." She took the old and beat-up looking M-98 Widow from it and handed it to a bewildered James, who was just re-holstering his own weapon.

Kaidan exchanged a look with both James and Steve, all three lowering or putting away some sort of weapon they were going to use against the geth unit.

"Legion, Kaidan, with me." Shepard did not even pause on her way to the elevator, which Tali had been holding open for them. "I have a bone to pick."

With another glance at the other men in the shuttle bay, Kaidan obliged and followed the geth behind Aurelia that seemed to be towering over her. The elevator ride dragged on because of the awkward silence that came with being trapped in an elevator with a geth, a quarian, a turian, and another human.

Aurelia led the way to the War Room, ignoring all the frightened stares from the crew at the sight of a geth wandering their ship. She even ignored Private Campbell and Westmoreland, who took one look at Shepard's angry stare and did not even bother suggesting a security scan. Before they entered the War Room, Shepard instructed Legion to wait in the conference area just outside while the rest of them continued in.

Admiral Raan was the first to speak when they entered the War Room. "Commander, I'd like to formally apologise on behalf of the Admiralty Board. Han'Gerrel was reckless and–"

"I made an estimated military decision, and I was well within my right as admiral of the Heavy Fleet!"

"Quiet, Gerrel! I should have you charged with treason!"

Gerrel ignored her and turned to Shepard, who was slowly rounding the War Room console towards him. "Commander, as a fellow soldier, you understand that sometimes the mission changes! I made a call that would cripple the geth fleet to our advantage, and it has!"

Aurelia's eerie silence told Kaidan that Gerrel was in trouble.

"Gerrel, because of you Admiral Koris is missing! He sacrificed himself because you overturned the retreat order!"

"A sad loss," Gerrel said, seemingly uninterested in what Raan had to say and increasingly nervous under Aurelia's glare. "But the Commander understands that. She knows what it's like to sacrifice in the name of victory."

Garrus inhaled sharply through his teeth while Kaidan could literally _feel_ the hush settling over him and Tali.

Gerrel had just gone way too far.

Aurelia was now standing directly in front of Gerrel, her cold stare fixated on his mask. She said nothing as he squirmed uncomfortably under her scrutiny, and if Kaidan didn't know any better he'd say she was _enjoying_ this. Given his last statement, however, it was more likely that she was refraining from murdering him right there.

"Commander…?"

Her hand drew back from her side and flew out, landing a punch in his abdomen. The quarian wheezed at the surprise blow, recoiling only to be pulled back by Shepard's hand firmly placed on his collarbone.

"Sacrifices shouldn't be made lightly, _Admiral_ ," she hissed. "Not when they can be avoided. You made a mistake and I am sorry for your people, how many lives you will have cost them today. Now get off my ship."

She practically shoved him out of her grip and Gerrel retreated immediately out of the War Room with his shoulders sagged.

Beside Kaidan, Garrus poked him in the ribs. "What's the expression you humans use? Like a dog with its tail between its legs?" he whispered.

Kaidan nodded at Garrus before turning to the other quarian admirals aboard.

"Commander, was that really necessary?"

Aurelia huffed, placing her palms on the console. "He disregarded the plan. He almost cost the lives of my team, which includes one of your admirals, and you've missed your chance to retreat. I won't apologise for my behaviour."

"That ageing warship had it coming." Xen seemed to have enjoyed the entire standoff, as her voice was a little too chipper.

"You said Admiral Koris sacrificed himself?" Aurelia asked Raan.

"His ship. He took out a planetary cannon, but we believe he survived the crash. He's stranded on Rannoch, however."

Shepard sighed and contemplated a moment before nodding. "Alright, forward me his last known coordinates. EDI, have Cortez prep the shuttle, and have Vega and Javik get ready to go groundside. Garrus, you're also with me." She was already starting to leave the War Room, Garrus right behind her. "The liveships need Admiral Koris so I'm going to try to find him. The rest of you try and figure out what to do with this bloody mess Gerrel has gotten us into."

"Shepard," Kaidan protested. "Let me come with you. You're going into geth territory."

"Kaidan, please," her tone was patient, despite the frustration she must have been feeling. "You're the most senior ranked Alliance officer on board. I need you here with the quarians to figure something out, okay?"

She had a point.

"Where can we even start, Commander?" Raan asked apprehensively.

"You have help. And I suggest you listen to him, because he might be key in getting the Migrant Fleet to safety."

Aurelia opened the door to the War Room, allowing Legion to enter.

The geth unit ignored the gasps as it came into view. "Acknowledged, Shepard-Commander. We will once again integrate into Normandy and assist Creator admirals in strategising."

* * *

Aurelia stared blankly up at the skylight of her cabin, arms and legs spread out widely around her on the bed and her sweat-dampened hair fanning out around her head. Her plain black under-armour suit was also drenched with sweat and felt like it was glued to her body, making her feel like she was wearing a figure-hugging, tight cat suit instead of Serrice Council under-armour. She hadn't bothered to strip it off once she got to her cabin and plopped herself down on her bed. She hadn't even bothered to speak to anyone once they got back, instead heading up to her cabin immediately.

Back-to-back infiltration and rescue missions in geth territory were exhausting.

Fortunately they'd had two small victories today, despite the situation Han'Gerrel had put them in: both Legion and Admiral Koris were rescued.

Though Koris took some convincing, Aurelia was able to secure him and transport him safely back to the Civilian Fleet. The more time she spent with Koris, the clearer his animosity during Tali's trial became; it wasn't because he hated Shepard or Tali, it was because his people always came first for him. He was against the war and had sacrificed his ship, would have even sacrificed his life so that his crew could be saved instead of him, which to Shepard spoke volumes about his patriotism and leadership. She would even go so far as to call him a geth sympathiser. Aurelia was glad to have him back to be a voice of reason among the other quarian admirals.

Legion, on the other hand, was a pleasantly unexpected asset. Of all the possible signal boosters the Reapers could have used, she never anticipated to find her synthetic friend on the dreadnought. And though after the destruction of the Heretic station Aurelia didn't expect to be fighting geth all over again, Legion had explained why on their geth fighter joyride: the quarians had driven the geth to desperation with their latest weapons and pushed them straight into the hands of the Reapers for help. Legion had described the 'Old Machines' with more awe than he had before, but still insisted that they needed to help free his people from Reaper control for multiple reasons. Mainly so that the geth could join the war against the Reapers and end their fight with the quarians, but also – which surprised Shepard – to create a chance for all geth to obtain true sentience, possible now because of the Reaper upgrades.

What mattered most to Aurelia, however, was the reappearance of her friend.

And, surprisingly, a _good_ friend he'd been: Legion had told her that before the quarians attacked, the geth had been preparing for war against the 'Old Machines,' since they had heeded Legion's warning with the evidence he brought back from his time on the Normandy.

It must be nice to have someone believe you for once.

Aurelia closed her eyes, her body lying across the bed and looking as if she were ready to make snow angels with her sheets. She was sure she needed a shower but she simply couldn't will herself off her bed and into her bathroom.

"Shepard," EDI said over the intercom. "Major Alenko is here to see you."

Her body was too tired to even illicit an emotional response. "Let him in," she replied dryly.

The door slid open and Kaidan's soft footsteps padded across the doorway. "Shep?"

"Down here."

The footsteps approached tentatively, and she heard him stifle a laugh as she came into view. "If you're tired, I can leave."

"No," she sighed. She forced herself to sit up despite the screaming protests from her bones. "What's up?"

"We've got a tentative plan. Legion told us the actual command signal comes from a base on Rannoch itself, and that it was just the long-range signal booster." Kaidan sat down on the couch as he spoke, elbows resting on his knees. "It's tracking the location now, but suggested in the mean-time we can take out a fighter squadron from another base to lighten the load on the quarians."

Aurelia groaned. "Now? Can it wait a few hours?"

"Yeah, we have to wait for the fighters to be deployed so that the plan can work. Legion expects them to finish repairs and deploy in three hours from now."

"Great, a two hour nap." She dropped backwards onto the bed again.

"We actually finished all these plans not too long after you left. The quarian admirals have returned to their ships, with the exception of Tali, of course."

This piqued her interest, and she rolled over on her side to face Kaidan. "So what the hell have you guys been doing since then?"

Kaidan shrugged, leaning back against the couch. "Talking. Legion told me about its involvement in the Collector mission. That one is an interesting… fellow? Thing?" He ran a hand through his hair, tousling it up slightly. "Can't say I ever saw this coming, but I'm glad it's with us. Who knew the geth could ever be our allies after all that's happened with them?"

Aurelia curled her arms and legs into her body in a fetal position, remembering all too well their battles with the geth – well, the Heretic geth. "Yeah… but there _are_ two sides to every story. We just didn't know the other side before."

He nodded, scratching his chin before speaking again. "Why does it wear N7 armour?"

She hesitated. She wasn't sure how Kaidan would react.

"It's my armour."

Kaidan sat bolt upright on the couch. "What?"

"It's my old armour," she remained in her fetal position. "Legion tracked me because the geth were interested in me and the Reapers, and he was the first one who found my body after Alchera. He says he took it because he needed something to repair himself with."

"Legion found your body?" He replied through gritted teeth.

She sighed. "Yes, he did. He found me and left my body alone because he thought I was gone forever. It was the old Shadow Broker who decided it would be fun to pluck up and sell my corpse."

Kaidan stood up from the couch and approached the bed slowly, kneeling down beside it and looking at Aurelia with sad eyes. "It had no right taking your armour."

"Kaidan," she reached out and touched his cheek. "What's done is done. He had no idea I'd be coming back, and I think after all he's done for me it doesn't matter anymore. Let it be."

"I suppose it couldn't have handed over your body because we would have shot it on sight," he sighed. "I just wish –"

"Shh, it's okay." Aurelia placed a single finger over his lips. "I'm here now. No use thinking about my death, okay?"

"Okay," he said after she removed her finger. "But next time you feel uncomfortable going out alone with your breather helmet, let me go with you, okay?"

Shepard smiled; of course Kaidan would have been able to basically read her mind. She moved her hand down along his arm and took his hand, holding it up and pressing her lips softly on his palm. _I love you_.

"Of course," she said instead. "Thank you."

She'd never been able to say those words to his face.

Kaidan stood up, breaking contact. "I'll let you rest. Who should I have ready for the fighter base infiltration? Besides Legion, of course."

"I want you and Tali there. EDI, wake me up after one REM cycle."

"Acknowledged." The lights in her cabin dimmed as EDI tried to make it more comfortable for Aurelia.

Kaidan retreated out of her cabin. "Rest well, Commander."

She didn't.

* * *

 **A/N:** **Thanks for reading! And thank you to Jules Hawk for reviewing!**

 **You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	13. Chapter 13: Farewell to the Many

**Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect.**

* * *

 _Chapter 13: Farewell to the Many_

"Scan progress at 75%," EDI's hologram reported.

Aurelia sat quietly on an examining table in the med bay, little nodes strategically placed at various points on her body. She looked on with a nervous furrow in her brow as the scan progressed.

Doctor Michel stared at her console for a few seconds before responding to Aurelia's concerned expression. "Results look good so far, Commander. You shouldn't be worried."

Tali stood by Michel, both observing her console and keeping an eye on the results. Legion was plugged into the AI Core and no doubt conversing with EDI remotely while overseeing the scan, and Kaidan, arms crossed and leaning in the corner of the med bay, silently watched what was happening.

After being uploaded into and destroying Reaper viruses within the geth consensus, Aurelia had ordered a full diagnostic scan of her implants – she needed to know her cybernetics hadn't been compromised by the experience. Legion had insisted they wouldn't be, and it wasn't like she didn't trust him, but if there was even a chance some of the viruses could affect her she needed reassurance.

She didn't at first, until she realised her secret was out to two of her closest people and she wanted to make sure she didn't lose _their_ trust. After debriefing the quarian admirals she immediately dragged Legion and Tali down to the med bay to organise some sort of scan with EDI and Doctor Michel. She needed to show Kaidan and Tali – and reassure herself – that her implants, and by extension her, were not in jeopardy.

En route to the base that housed the fighter squadron server, Legion had inadvertently revealed the extent of her cybernetic implants when describing his plan to upload Aurelia into the consensus. Legion had said Aurelia's implants could be used to upload her into the server, allowing her to eliminate the virus from within. Kaidan had suggested he go with her, because his biotic implant was also cybernetic and therefore he would be able to go in as well, but Legion dismissed his idea immediately – it was the extensiveness of Aurelia's synthetic enhancements that would allow her to be uploaded, and one biotic implant was not enough. To their credit, Tali and Kaidan hadn't said or remarked anything about her being part machine. Aurelia knew they weren't dumb, she knew they probably had guessed she had _some_ implants to have made a recovery from getting spaced, but she also knew they didn't know the degree to which she relied on synthetics.

And even though they hadn't said anything, Aurelia knew that scanning for Reaper viruses within her system would quiet any doubts they had.

Tali had been surprisingly relaxed about the whole situation. Whether it was Tali's faith in Aurelia, her knowledge of geth, or even her trust in Legion, she hadn't seemed too concerned but agreed to help with the scan nonetheless. Kaidan, on the other hand… he'd been eerily quiet – especially when Aurelia stripped down to her sports bra, revealing the ever-present patch of glowing scars on her torso, so that the nodes could be placed.

Now was a better time than ever for him to find out the truth, wasn't it?

"Shepard-Commander, scans complete. We detect no anomalies in the data."

"Neither do I, Shepard," Tali added. "As we said, you're fine."

"Well," Aurelia said coolly as she started stripping off the scanning nodes. "You can never be too sure these days."

Tali shrugged. "As long as it makes you feel better. Legion, we should probably return to the War Room and help Admiral Xen."

"Acknowledged, Creator Zorah. We will follow." Legion unplugged himself and trailed Tali out of the med bay, leaving Aurelia alone with Doctor Michel and Kaidan.

Who continued to remain quiet.

Michel approached Aurelia, her shirt and a small package in hand. "I took the liberty of scanning your vital signs as well, Commander. You are fine, if a little under hydrated. Please drink this solution after you get dressed, and make sure to finish it before your next mission." She handed over the small drink pack and the shirt, frowning at the glowing scars. She lowered her voice. "If you are worried, Commander, I can explain the scars to Major Alenko. I know you preferred to keep them quiet."

Aurelia smiled at the young doctor. Michel had been reluctant to join the Normandy at first, but she had been an excellent addition to the crew. Of course, Aurelia missed Chakwas, but she knew she was doing incredibly important work for the Alliance.

"That won't be necessary, Doc." She pulled on her shirt. "Though if you wouldn't mind, could I have a moment alone with the Major?"

"Of course," Michel nodded. "I'll just take my break a little early then. I was starting to feel a bit peckish."

She watched Michel exit the med bay and braced herself for whatever Kaidan was going to say when they were alone.

Kaidan remained quiet once the doors shut behind Michel.

"Alright," Aurelia sighed. "Let me have it."

"Have what?" He pushed himself off the wall and approached her slowly.

She let out a quick half-scared, half-hysterical laugh. "That I'm a monster? That you told me so? That Cerberus modified me and created," she gestured at her side, " _this_ thing? Whatever the hell I am?"

Kaidan looked at her with a pained expression. "Shepard, is that what you think I think of you?"

She crossed her arms defensively, averting her gaze downwards as he reached the examining table she was perched on. He stood in front of her and carefully placed one hand on the table next to her, the other on her chin tilting it upwards. Aurelia looked up, meeting his stare; because of the height of the table, her eyes were almost level with his for once.

"Or is that what you think of yourself?"

Aurelia pressed her lips into a thin line.

"Having cybernetic implants doesn't make you a monster, Aurelia. I've met soldiers with multiple combat prosthetics, heck even ones whose limbs were totally synthetic because of the battles they'd been in. Even my dad has some implants for his heart. Relying on cybernetics doesn't make them any less human. And the same goes for you, Shep."

Kaidan moved his hand from her chin to caress her cheek. "I am sad you didn't tell me, but not for the reason you think. I'm sad because obviously it upsets _you_ , if you wanted to hide it from us. And that should be the least of your worries, because none of this crew would ever judge you. We all trust, care for, and respect you too much for that."

Aurelia uncrossed her arms, letting them hang limp at her sides. "But… they glow…"

"You're Commander _freaking_ Shepard," he smiled. "You saved the galaxy twice and you beat death. You're about to save the galaxy a third time. Who cares about some scars and some implants?"

A tear rolled down her cheek, which Kaidan swept away with a calloused thumb. "You don't care?"

"You're still _you_ , Aurelia. I know I questioned that at first but I have no doubt that you're still the same woman, the same _human_ I fell in love with." He smirked at her playfully. "I'd still love you if you looked like a vorcha."

He didn't care. He didn't think any less of her because of her cybernetics. The way he spoke about it now made her feel silly for having been worried about it at all. Kaidan had grown so much from the shy lieutenant she'd first met so long ago. She was still getting used to this new Kaidan Alenko, fiercely loyal and confident, not afraid to speak his mind or his feelings – but it definitely was not a bad thing.

Overcome with emotion, Aurelia's hands flew to either side of his face, cupping his cheeks, and softly pulled him forward until their lips met. Her eyes fluttered closed and she savoured the warmth filling her body, this sensation she'd been longing for since she awoke on that Cerberus station over a year ago.

His lips felt like home.

At first surprised by her movement, Kaidan slowly relaxed and responded by curling his other hand around the small of her back. He gripped her tighter as he kissed her back, and Aurelia swore she could stay like this forever.

As much as she didn't want to, she pulled back first. She moved one hand to the back of his neck, holding him close but not too close, and the other removed his hand from her cheek. She linked their fingers and let their hands settle in her lap.

"Kaidan, I –"

"Commander," EDI's hologram popped up on the med bay console behind Kaidan's shoulder. "Legion, Tali, and Admiral Xen have found the Reaper base. They request your presence in the War Room immediately."

Aurelia sighed, leaning away from Kaidan and dropping her hand from his neck. "We'll be there. Establish a connection with the rest of the quarian admirals and have Garrus up there too, we'll need a damn good plan to infiltrate the base."

She watched as EDI's hologram faded out, and heard a faint chuckle from Kaidan.

"What's so funny?"

"Déjà vu," he chuckled.

He took a step back, giving Aurelia space to jump down from the examining table. Together they started towards the War Room.

"We can continue this another time."

Aurelia smiled. "I'd like that."

"How about a date next time we're docked on the Citadel? A little sanity check," Kaidan grinned.

Her smile broadened, despite herself. "I'd like that very much."

* * *

"Elevator is secure; heading to upper level! Team Hammerhead fall back to extraction point. Cortez, get them out of there! Be ready for Team Mako extraction!"

"Aye aye, ma'am! On my way to secure Team Hammerhead!"

The Reaper base was crawling with controlled geth, and after seeing the liberated Primes join them voluntarily at the fighter base, it frustrated Aurelia that these geth her and her team had to kill would have had the chance to be free from control soon enough. And that 'soon enough' couldn't get there any faster.

They'd taken what Garrus lovingly dubbed 'the Virmire approach:' Aurelia, Garrus, Tali, and Legion infiltrated the base from the back while Kaidan led Team Hammerhead, consisting of James, Javik, Liara, and EDI through the front to distract the geth and draw fire from Team Mako. Once they reached the upper level, Cortez would evacuate Team Hammerhead, Aurelia would use the targeting laser to obliterate the damn Reaper signal for good, and then Team Mako would get the hell out of there to be picked up by Cortez at pre-determined coordinates.

It was a solid enough plan, but there was definitely more resistance than any of them had anticipated.

"Team Hammerhead is secure," Kaidan's voice came through the comm.

"Aim well, Lola!"

"Right, thanks," she replied dryly to James.

She, Tali, and Garrus slipped out of the elevator quietly and scanned for geth. Legion had left them to secure an escape vehicle.

"Keelah!" Tali exclaimed softly. " _Three_ Primes!"

"Fuck," Aurelia swore under her breath. "Now it's a party."

"We're just missing some krogan clones and it would be just like Virmire," Garrus quipped.

Aurelia shot him a death glare.

"Alright, strategies to deal with these Primes? _Before_ they detect us and bring us certain death?"

"I'll hack the one closest to us," Tali said, prepping her omni-tool. "That will buy us time."

"I think," Garrus poked Aurelia, drawing her attention back to him, "this might help?" He held up a geth spitfire rifle.

"They just _leave_ those lying around?"

He shrugged, already pulling it into position and aiming. "Well it helps us, doesn't it?"

"Okay," Aurelia rolled her eyes at her friend. "Tali you hack and have Chikktika draw fire. Garrus, overload and use that geth gun. I'll shoot and throw any that get to close to us." She took a deep breath. "Let's go!"

Either she was getting old, or the Reaper upgrades made the Primes much harder to fight than Shepard remembered. Still, they were no match for Team Mako – it took some time but eventually they were dealt with.

"Team Mako, what's your status? What's taking so long?"

"Ran into some old friends, Joker," Aurelia crept out of cover and headed towards the viewpoint. "We had some tea with them. I'm in position now with the targeting laser, be ready with your bombing run."

"Got it. Might wanna get a little farther from the blast radius."

She aimed the targeting laser and waited for the _beep_ that told her it was ready. She took a step back and watched with relief as the Normandy loomed above with the bomb. Aurelia heard Garrus and Tali approach behind her, also sighing with relief.

As soon as the bomb was dropped onto the main signal hub of the base, a large shockwave passed over them and Aurelia felt the balcony they were standing on come loose, causing the floor beneath her feet gave way. Her and her friends were soon sliding down the curved wall of the base, down towards the lower level. The trio tumbled and landed in a heap among the debris of the balcony, the landing knocking off Shepard's visor.

"Shepard-Commander! We have acquired transport."

Legion's voice was a welcome development, and his emergence not too far away with a geth ship even more so. Aurelia got up quickly and helped Tali up, letting Tali and Garrus go ahead while she retrieved her visor.

"On my way, Legion!"

Aurelia had just put her visor back on when the ground started to shake dangerously.

"What the hell is going on?"

The vibrations grew stronger, and Aurelia knew she had to get out of there. She started sprinting towards the transport, where Tali and Garrus were already climbing in, trying her best to run with the ground shaking as violently as it was.

"KEELAH!"

The sheer horror in Tali's voice is what made Shepard glance over her shoulder, and she instantly wished she hadn't.

"Oh SHIT!" Instead of climbing into the transport, Aurelia launched herself on top of it to man the turret. "Legion, GO!"

"Normandy to Shepard, what happened?"

"It's not a Reaper _base_!" She yelled between shots. "It's a fucking _Reaper_!"

"That doesn't sound too good!"

"You _think so_ , Joker!?"

"Alright, alright, launching another orbital strike!"

Aurelia held her breath as she forsook the turret for the targeting laser, hoping that the strike would be in time. Another _beep_ of the laser and another bomb later, the Reaper was briefly disabled. But it wasn't dead. The Reaper was still very much alive, and Aurelia could _feel_ it; that feeling that made her skin crawl whenever she was near a Reaper or a Reaper creature. The Normandy could easily make its escape, as could the rest of the Migrant Fleet, but she didn't want to leave the damn thing on Rannoch, and she didn't want to leave the geth, Legion's people, behind either.

She made her decision with ease.

"Legion, stop the transport."

"Your request is acknowledged but its logic is not comprehended."

"Just stop the damn transport!"

He obliged, and Shepard slid off the side of the ship, back onto solid ground.

"Shepard," Garrus warned from within. "What are you doing?"

"That thing is still alive, and I'll be damned if I leave it here on Rannoch for it to continue enslaving the geth." She started walking towards the cliff it had stopped under. "Legion, take the transport and get Tali and Garrus to a safe distance. EDI, have the quarian fleets sync up to the targeting laser as well. I want as many ships as possible on these orbital strikes. And set up a fleet-wide comm channel."

"Channel is open, Shepard."

"All ships, focus power on this Reaper bastard. We have to free Rannoch and free the geth from its control. Let's show the galaxy how to kill a Reaper – together, and with some serious firepower!"

The chorus of quarian admirals agreeing in her ear told her she was really about to do this. And in the nick of time, too – Aurelia could see the Reaper's red 'eye' starting to power up again.

Some footsteps approached behind her. "I thought I told you all to get to a safe distance!"

Garrus appeared at her side, mandibles pulled into what she would call a smirk. "If you think you're taking on the big guy alone and taking all the glory, you're wrong."

Legion appeared on her other side, with Tali next to him. "We are ready to assist, Shepard-Commander."

"As am I. We'll give it a few more targets to get distracted by."

Shepard grinned at her friends. "You're all idiots. But you're _my_ idiots."

She held up the targeting laser but changed her mind. "Garrus," she threw the thing at him once she had his attention. "You're the better shot," she winked. "Besides, if I know Reapers, it'll probably go for me first."

"I won't let you down, Shepard!"

By then the Reaper had fully 'woken up,' and thus began their dance: Shepard, Tali, and Legion would attract its attention, jumping, rolling and sprinting to avoid its beam, while Garrus carefully aimed at its Achilles heel – the very source of its power, its 'eye.' Just as she predicted, the Reaper usually tried to target Aurelia unless Legion or Tali did something particularly annoying to distract it. Aurelia was sure she'd never heard Tali use such colourful language (even if she couldn't understand it) as she deployed Chikktika and fired at the Reaper, and even Legion, though normally quiet during battle, made a few comments as he shot round after round at the thing to gain its attention.

It took five orbital strikes from the entire quarian fleet and the Normandy to finally drop the Reaper.

This time, as it collapsed to the ground, Aurelia could feel its energy receding; the hair on the back of her neck relaxed and her skin was no longer covered in goose bumps. She approached the edge of the cliff, wanting to get a closer look at the Reaper they'd just killed. It seemed small compared to Sovereign, and yet it was massive compared to the Normandy – _this_ was a _small_ Reaper?

"Shepard…" the Reaper hummed.

Was it… talking to her?

"Shepard…" it hummed again.

"You know who I am?"

"Harbinger speaks of you," it droned. Its voice felt like it was coming from vibrations in the ground itself. "But you are foolish. You cannot stop your annihilation. The end of your days approaches."

"We defeated Sovereign." She stuck out her chin defiantly. "We defeated that Reaper on Tuchanka, and we've killed you. What makes you so certain of your victory?"

"Our numbers are in the thousands. Destroy one of us and a hundred more await."

"Well, then tell your friends I'm coming for them." She spotted Garrus aiming at its core one last time. "Or I can tell them myself."

The last strike finally darkened its red 'eye' for good.

Aurelia and Garrus grinned at each other, relishing the victory.

Tali's shrill screams brought the pair back to reality. "SHEPARD! It's gone crazy! You have to stop it!"

Aurelia immediately turned on her heels and sprinted to where Tali was stood next to Legion, begging him to stop doing something.

"What's happening?"

"It's uploading the modified Reaper code! It's trying to make the geth stronger!"

"Legion?"

"Creator Zorah speaks the truth, Shepard-Commander. We only wish to help our people achieve true sentience. Upload at 30%."

"Tali I don't see a problem with what Legion is trying to do? Don't the geth deserve their chance at sentience?"

"But Shepard!" Tali was on the edge of hysterics. "The Migrant Fleet is currently bombarding the weakened geth fleet. If it completes the upload the geth will become stronger than ever before and obliterate my people!"

"We regret the deaths of the Creators, but we see no alternative. Upload at 40%."

"Shepard, please! Stop him!"

Aurelia watched her friend with sadness as she fell to her knees in desperation. She had half a mind to stop Legion's upload just seeing how distraught Tali was, but then she remembered what she'd seen in the geth memory banks.

"Upload at 50%."

She remembered the truth behind the Morning War, and she remembered that the geth were not the evil creatures she had once believed them to be. They deserved this chance; they deserved their chance to truly live, just like every other species. Legion had said it himself: _'We wish to understand, not to incite.'_

"Legion, continue your upload."

" _What!?_ "

"All fleets, this is Commander Shepard. The geth are about to return to full strength, even stronger. Stand down. I repeat, stand down."

Tali stood up immediately, understanding what Shepard was trying to do. "This is Admiral Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. Commander Shepard speaks with my authority. Stand down!"

"And with my authority, too!" Aurelia was certainly glad she had rescued Zaal'Koris.

"Upload at 60%."

"Negative, belay that order! Keep firing!"

Aurelia made a mental note to punch Han'Gerrel's mask next time.

"You went to war when I advised against it. You didn't retreat when I created the opportunity. I have fought your war for you and I am done. Can't you see the geth want peace? Can you not put aside your prejudice for one moment and _talk_?"

"Upload at 70%."

"Stand down, Migrant Fleet. Stand down. Do the right thing. Keelah se'lai."

Raan and Xen repeated the order, and Aurelia smiled – Gerrel was alone.

"Upload at 80%."

A heavy sigh echoed across all comms of the Migrant Fleet. "Heavy Fleet, stand down."

Shepard turned to Tali with the biggest grin on her face, while Tali launched herself at Aurelia to embrace her. Had they just helped end the centuries long conflict between the geth and the quarians? More importantly, had they just gotten Tali her homeworld?

"Upload at 90%."

"Welcome home, Tali," Aurelia whispered.

"Upload error. Code is insufficient; direct personality dissemination required."

Aurelia released Tali and turned to her geth friend. "What does that mean?"

Legion turned to face her. "It means I must go to them. I am sorry, Shepard-Commander."

Aurelia looked at Tali, who seemed to understand immediately. "Why is he apologising? What does he mean?"

"Legion…" Tali's tone did nothing to quiet Shepard's fears. "The answer to your question is yes."

"I know, Tali," Legion flashed his head at Tali before turning again to Shepard. "My people will keep my promise, Shepard-Commander. This I swear. Keelah se'lai."

The light on Legion's head went dark and his body collapsed on the ground.

"Legion?" Aurelia's voice was nothing more than a whisper.

The geth unit did not respond.

She sunk to her knees, raising her voice slightly. "Legion?"

Still, there was no response.

Tali crouched beside her, an arm snaking around Aurelia's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Shepard. Legion had to breakdown and distribute its own personality for the upload to work. It sacrificed himself so the geth could evolve."

"So he's… gone?"

Tali nodded sombrely as she helped Aurelia to her feet.

How many? How many friends would sacrifice themselves before this war was over? Mordin sacrificed himself for the krogan. Thane risked and gave his life for the Council, by extension the Citadel. Further back in time, Ashley had sacrificed herself, too. And now Legion had done the same.

"It's not fair," she whispered to herself. She felt so small, so powerless to prevent the deaths of her friends.

Fortunately Tali's attentions were elsewhere, and neither her nor Garrus witnessed Shepard's moment of weakness.

"Commander Shepard," Admiral Raan's voice revealed what Garrus and Tali had been distracted by.

Taking a breath and steeling her expression, Aurelia turned to face the quarian admiral. She was limping up to them. "Admiral Raan? What are you doing here?"

"My ship crashed during the battle. Fortunately my comms were working so I could hear every word of what happened." She took Aurelia's hand. "Thank you for helping my people, and for not letting Han'Gerrel cause quarian extinction."

Aurelia smiled, genuinely happy for the quarians. "What will you do now, Admiral?"

"I… I don't know. We've taken heavy losses. I don't know how we can proceed from here."

"You are welcome here, on Rannoch, Admiral," a familiar voice said. The gathering turned to see a Prime had approached them. "We would be happy to assist."

Aurelia knitted her brows in confusion. "Legion?"

"I am sorry, Commander," the Prime said. "Legion is gone. Legion died to give us all true intelligence, and for that we will honour his promise. I will have a team of our engineers leave and assist on construction of the Crucible immediately, and when the time comes our fleets will be with you to retake Earth."

"As will ours, of course," Raan added.

"Thank you," was all Shepard could manage to say.

The Prime wasted no time and turned back to Raan. "Had you considered possible settlement sites?"

Aurelia tuned out of the conversation, instead approaching the cliff's edge to finally take in the view of Rannoch. It _was_ gorgeous – no wonder the quarians had wanted to take it back.

"I can't believe I'm really here," Tali appeared at Aurelia's side. "And I can't believe I have a homeworld."

"The real estate market's looking good right now, Tali," she joked. "Better get your property while you can. How about a beachfront home?"

"Any home sounds amazing. Especially once it's Reaper-free." Tali picked up a pebble and threw it over the cliff. "Thank you, Shepard. For everything you've done. Now it's time for me to be a good friend and stand by _your_ side."

"Tali," Aurelia copied her and threw a pebble off the edge too. "I would never ask you to do that. You have a home now, and as an admiral your people will need you more than ever."

Another pebble. "I know you're not asking me, but I'm not asking for permission, either. I've been with you from the start, and I'll be with you till the end. Besides, you've stolen _General_ Vakarian from the Primarch and _Major_ Alenko from the Alliance. Complete your collection with _Admiral_ Tali'Zorah vas Normandy from the Migrant Fleet."

Aurelia playfully punched her friend. "Well, when you put it that way. I always loved having collections."

Tali chuckled. "That's true… but," she sighed, "I'm sorry Legion had to go that way. I'll miss him."

"I…" Aurelia opened her mouth but closed it immediately. She wasn't ready to talk about the collective grief she felt.

"I can't believe I'm mourning a geth," Tali exclaimed. "A geth! Do you believe it?"

"I do," she patted her friend's shoulder. "I do."

* * *

Debriefed and showered, Aurelia lay in her bed silently in the fetal position. She hadn't had a proper night's sleep since the night after Lesuss; she was physically and emotionally drained.

She'd forsaken dinner in order to retreat to her cabin and massage away the fatigue in her muscles under a hot shower, using up an obscene amount of water for wartime. Aurelia had lost count how many times she had shampooed her hair and scrubbed down her body as she continually replayed what had just happened down on the quarian homeworld.

Now she lay on her bed, in her usual sweatpants and hoodie get-up, her wet hair dripping all over the pillow.

 _He'd said_ 'I,' she thought. _Not 'we.'_

What upset her most about Legion's death was that he died how he had wanted to live – as a true, sentient, individual being.

Aurelia didn't know why Legion's death affected her so much. Was it her exhaustion? Was it simply the combination of events leading up to this? Or had she finally reached her breaking point, having lost too many friends to this war? Her face wrinkled up with emotion.

In an effort to save herself from her thoughts, Aurelia pulled up the hood of her sweater and tightened the opening. Her wet hair would soak through the material quickly and she looked pretty ridiculous, but she didn't care. She needed a break from being Commander Shepard; she wanted to be just Aurelia for a bit.

The door of her cabin hissed open and a voice demanded her attention. "Shepard, I thought you might like something to eat." The voice paused and footsteps drew further into her cabin. "Are you alright?"

She looked up through the small opening of her hoodie and vaguely made out Kaidan's shape, armed with a sandwich, through the wet hair covering her vision. "My door was open?" She was practically whispering to keep her voice from cracking.

"I thought you might want some sustenance, Shepard," EDI replied instead of Kaidan.

The man in question approached her and placed the plate on her bedside table, a frown on his face and a question in his eyes.

Aurelia simply looked up at him. "I'm just exhausted, that's all. I'm fine. Don't worry." She made an effort to sit up, pulling off her hood and letting her mane loose. Crossing her legs under her to make room, she patted the space on the bed in front of her.

Kaidan obliged, sitting down gingerly with his knees on the edge of the bed and tenderly taking her hand in his own. "But I do worry about it. I worry about you, Shep," he sighed. "Back there on Rannoch, you faced a Reaper head on _on foot_. Do you know how mad I was at myself for not being there for you? And when you came back, after you'd somehow brokered a peace between the geth and the quarians, you didn't even pause to celebrate or talk about it, as if _nothing had even happened_. You did your debrief, delivered youe report to Hackett, and came straight up here."

"Thank you, Kaidan. But it's okay. I'll be fine." She reached over and tangled her fingers in his curly hair while tracing the furrowed lines on his brow with her thumb. "And I didn't _just_ talk to Hackett, I also talked to Councillor Tevos."

He sighed, and she knew he realised the discussion wouldn't go farther than that. Changing tactics, he smiled, that one-sided smile that drove her crazy, reaching over her to get to the plate on her nightstand. "When was the last time you ate? You need to pump a little fuel into your body if you're going to meet with the Council."

She shot him an entertained look as she tried not to smile. "Not the Council, just Tevos. But I _will_ take the sandwich, thank you very much." He was right; she couldn't remember the last time she ate and she was hungrier than she realised. "Oh LT, what would I ever do without you?"

"Not eat, evidently," he laughed as she devoured the sandwich. "I'm sorry I couldn't bring something better up, James was taking up the entire kitchen trying to make some eggs. Again. And trying to get a rise out of Javik."

She swallowed another bite. "This is great though, thank you."

He smiled as he watched her consume the rest of the sandwich, though Aurelia couldn't help but notice a wary look in his eyes as if he were contemplating something.

"What is it?" She asked after the last bite.

His smile tightened. "It's, uh, it's been a long day for you. You should rest." Kaidan stood and took the plate from her.

"Kaidan," she cautioned.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" he sighed. "A lot happened down on Rannoch, a lot to be happy about and a lot to digest… emotionally. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, but you're upset and obviously not taking what happened lightly. It's never easy losing a friend…" He tucked a stray strand of wet hair behind her ear. "I don't want to rub salt in the wound by making you talk about it. Just… know that I'm here for you."

The briefly forgotten emotions of a few minutes ago flooded back to Aurelia, and she guessed it showed – Kaidan immediately set the plate down again and crouched down by the side of her bed.

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly and took her hand, stroking it with his thumb. "Forget I mentioned it."

"How many?" Aurelia's voice was weak, quiet. "How many will we lose before this is over?"

"As many as it takes to win. And as hard as it is to lose people, we'll be by your side every step of the way."

Shepard swallowed and could only nod in response.

"Come here," he released her hand and gently tugged the blanket from underneath her. "Get some rest. There are still a few hours till the Citadel."

Kaidan pulled the freed blanket over her lap and gently guided Aurelia's head to her pillow. She didn't resist, oddly satisfied with the feeling of being tucked in. Immediately she rested on her side and brought her knees towards her chest, halfway into her fetal position of before.

"Good night, Shep," he said as he started to leave.

She grabbed his hand, her voice small when she spoke. "Stay with me?"

"Aurelia…"

"Please?"

Shepard watched as he placed the plate down again and quietly rounded her bed. She felt the blanket lift and fall slightly as a weight pressed down on the other side of the bed, carefully inching closer. Kaidan curled around her body, one hand stroking her hair. She closed her eyes, humming with contentment in response to Kaidan's warmth.

For the first time in a while, Aurelia slept peacefully.

* * *

 **A/N: Anecdote time! When ME3 first came out, I didn't have access to my console so I had to wait several months before playing it. In that time I was exposed to spoilers (like the ending and both Mordin and Thane's deaths), but I did not hear anything at all about the Rannoch missions. When I finished Priority: Rannoch and got to Legion's death, I was totally surprised and upset and had to stop playing for a few days. I was convinced I'd done something wrong and needed to re-play some mission somewhere. Legion is one of my favourite characters and I'm sure Aurelia's reaction to losing him reflects that…**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading! And thank you to Jules Hawk and Iohaloha for reviewing!**

 **You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	14. Chapter 14: Interlude- Across the Galaxy

**A/N: I wanted to do something different with this chapter. It is inspired by the interludes in Chuck Wendig's Star Wars: Aftermath trilogy, which expand and show different perspectives across the galaxy. I hope you enjoy it! And if you're a Star Wars fan, I highly recommend checking out the Aftermath trilogy!**

 **This chapter is also quite short because I'll be uploading the next one today as well.**

 **Disclaimer: Bioware owns Mass Effect**

* * *

 _Chapter 14: Interlude – Across the Galaxy_

 _Crucible construction site, location [REDACTED]_

Doctor Ardaka sighed, leaning back dangerously in his chair. It was a habit of his since childhood, to lean back and stare at the ceiling whenever he needed to think. Back home on Earth he'd broken too many old wooden chairs by doing this, even gave himself a concussion once by falling back hard onto a metal desk during his doctorate studies, but as silly as it seemed it helped him think. Instead of his attention wandering to distractions around the room, if he concentrated on balancing his chair it helped him clear his mind. He supposed it was kind of like his meditation.

All the support pouring in from Commander Shepard's efforts helped the project a lot, but it still did not help them with actually completing the damn Crucible. The costs were astronomical, as was the danger – they were scheduled to move construction site in the morning, again. Finding Reaper-free systems to conduct construction in secret was getting more and more difficult.

Not to mention resources were starting to become scarce.

With trade routes blocked and mining facilities being overrun or shut down, the actual materials to build the Crucible were being stretched thin. They had lots of help from different species (Ardaka still felt uncomfortable working with geth engineers) and some non-government patrons, but he worried if it would be enough.

It had to, he reminded himself. Otherwise they were toast.

As Ardaka stared at the ceiling, his chair still dangling precariously, his mind drifted to the latest resource handed to him. It was a dissertation on dark energy by someone named Conrad Verner, another piece of intel sent in at the behest of Commander Shepard, forwarded by Ardaka's old colleague Gavin Hossle. He was surprised to hear from Hossle, since last he'd heard was that he was freelancing with ExoGeni on Feros years ago, but was grateful for the research nonetheless. He even managed to convince Hossle to come work on the Crucible.

"Hey, doc."

The voice startled him and with a grunt he lost his balance, ending up on the floor.

A face appeared over him, eyes shadowed by a hood and a single purple strip decorating her lower lip. "You know you shouldn't really sit like that. It's bad for your back when this happens."

He huffed and sat up, rubbing the pain out of his neck. "Goto. How many times do I have to tell you to _knock_ before entering?"

She nimbly lifted herself onto his desk, crossing her legs under her as she spoke. "Not my style. Anyway, I brought you a present." The woman placed a small metal piece on his desk and neatly folded her hands into her lap.

"This… this is the Cerberus prototype I mentioned. How did you get it? What did you do?"

"My job," Kasumi shrugged. "If you didn't have anything else I thought I'd take a short holiday."

Ardaka lifted himself off the floor and stretched out his back before picking up the object. "Holiday? At this time?" He snorted. "Good luck."

"My idea of a holiday is a very different idea from yours, doc," Kasumi unfolded herself and silently dropped her feet back on the floor. "I'll be in touch, and if you need anything you know how to contact me."

"Where is it you're going on this 'holiday?'" He asked while using his fingers as inverted commas.

"Not that it's any of your business," she prodded at a few of the books on his shelf as she spoke, "but I'm going to the Citadel. I've got my eye on a nice… casino vacation."

He snorted again, turning his attention back to the prototype she'd stolen for him. "Well, don't get into any trouble, Goto."

Silence greeted him.

"Kasumi?"

He turned and looked around the room, only to find it empty.

Ardaka shook his head and rolled his eyes as he went back to studying the object.

* * *

 _Huerta Memorial Hospital, the Citadel_

"Ah, Mr Taylor! Lovely to see you again. But I thought you had finished your physical therapy?"

Jacob smiled at the kind asari doctor. "I am, doc. Shipping out in the morning. I'm just here to accompany someone to _their_ appointment."

"I see!" Doctor T'Mael smiled brightly back. "Well, good luck wherever you're going. I should get back to it."

Jacob waved at the doctor as she retreated back into the hospital's main ward. She had played a big part in Jacob's recovery and he had no doubt her bright attitude helped countless other patients get back on their feet quickly. Huerta Memorial needed more doctors like her – heck, the galaxy needed more doctors like that.

He started making his way to the Maternity Ward when a deep voice stopped him in his tracks.

"You! Human! Taylor!"

Jacob turned and was greeted by three krogan, but it was the smallest, familiar one that made him smile.

"Hey! Grunt! What are you doing here?"

"Escaping," the young krogan chuckled. Though he didn't look so young anymore; he had fresh scars, complete with a rather large bandage on his torso, and his eyes shone with the excitement for battle that was inherent in each krogan warrior. "Been here recovering from a fight."

"Well, I'm surprised I didn't see you before. I've been doing some treatment here too."

"They, uh, keep my room locked since I tried to leave last time. Now I've got these two," he gestured at the other two krogan standing a few paces away from them, "under orders to keep me in here until the doctors clear me. The order came from Wrex but I'm pretty sure the order actually came from Shepard. Wrex would want me back in action as soon as possible."

Jacob crossed his arms as he tried to stifle a laugh. "Sounds like Shepard. So how are you escaping then?"

"My company, Arlakh, are gonna break me out of here. Soon enough."

"Alright, well," Jacob allowed himself to chuckle a little. "I gotta go but it was good to see you, Grunt. Fight well."

"Hah! You say that like it's an option."

Jacob shook his head as he resumed his path into the Maternity Ward.

Brynn was already waiting for him in the room, seated in a hospital gown on the examining table as she waited for the gynaecologist.

"Hey Jake," she smiled as Jacob walked in. "Ready to see our baby?"

He went to stand by her side and kissed her forehead. "Of course."

"I was thinking… I know we have a while but I was thinking about names. I think we should name the baby after Shepard, for saving us."

Jacob raised an eyebrow playfully. "You do realise she has a first name, right?"

Brynn rolled her eyes. "Of course I do, Jake. And I think Aurelia is a beautiful name."

"But what if we have a boy?"

"Let me finish!" Brynn laughed. "I think Aurelia is a beautiful name, but it's a bit long. I think we could shorten it – Lia for a girl, and Liam for a boy. What do you think?"

Jacob beamed as he kissed Brynn on the lips. "It's perfect."

* * *

 _Refugee camp, Citadel Docks_

The young turian had finally stopped crying and fallen asleep, talons clutched around her hanar plush. Maelon pulled a blanket over her and noted down in his chart what treatments he had given her.

The latest refugee ship from Palaven had upset him more than he cared to admit, and most likely because there had been more lone turian children than there had been parents to come off of it.

Maelon sighed as he moved to check on his other patients. The impromptu clinic he'd set up was small, but at least he felt useful – most of the hospitals on the Citadel were flooded with soldiers and refugees with serious injuries, so he treated minor illness down here right in the docks. It was easier for the refugees to access his clinic than the hospitals, and he supposed they preferred coming to him since he was, on some level, relatable as a refugee himself.

After escaping Tuchanka he heeded his former mentor's advice; Maelon headed to Omega and joined the small clinic Mordin had established in the slums. For a while, things worked out well. He felt good about the work he was doing, and after some time he finally felt like he was atoning for his mistakes. Working in the clinic on Omega was oddly satisfying, because even though Omega was home to the galaxy's worst, the clinic helped bring out the best in people.

Then Cerberus came, and somehow Maelon found himself as a refugee on the Citadel – ironically, the same situation as Aria T'Loak, Omega's 'queen.' He hadn't done anything for a few weeks, saddened by the loss of good lives, his friends and colleagues who hadn't been able to escape. When news of the genophage cure reached the Citadel, Maelon instinctively knew Mordin was involved. Anyone else would have gotten it wrong.

When news of Mordin's sacrifice reached Maelon, he stopped wallowing and headed down to the docks to set up his clinic.

Maelon bent over a young salarian, maybe a year or two shy of maturity, and checked his vitals. The poor youngling was shivering despite being under three blankets. Maelon made a note that the antibiotics were not taking effect and the child may need to be transferred to a hospital.

"Excuse me, are you in charge here?"

He looked up at the turian woman who had approached him. "Yes, yes I am. How can I help you?" She was so much taller than him that he had to take a step back to be able to address her properly.

"The latest refugee ship from Palaven, I was expecting my sister and her daughter to be on it. My sister… didn't come off it, but I'm hoping her daughter was on it."

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm just a small clinic," Maelon said. "I don't do refugee processing. I just treat minor injuries and illnesses. The camps are small and sickness spreads like wildfire."

"Well, that's why I'm here." The woman started glancing around at the patients, her eyes lingering on a batarian whose leg had been amputated that morning. "I know she was injured before they left but my sister couldn't get her treated on Palaven. So I was hoping someone sent her here to be looked at?"

"Actually," he gestured at her to follow, "I do have a young turian here. I treated her for an infected scrape on her arm, and she was brought here alone."

The turian pushed past Maelon as the girl came into view. "That's her! That's my niece! Oh goodness, she's here and safe!" She kneeled by her niece's cot and whispered to him. "Will she be okay?"

Maelon smiled a bittersweet smile. The young turian may have lost her parents but at least she wasn't alone.

"She'll be just fine."

* * *

 _Military Headquarters, Tuchanka_

"Wrex, you seem distracted. I just need you to confirm the latest troop movements and I'll let you go."

Wrex blinked, looking back up at the hologram in front of him.

"Yes, Victus," he huffed. "Reinforcements are being sent to Garvug Company on Palaven, but we can't afford much more. As more Reaper troops arrive here we need to build up our own defences."

The hologram nodded. "I understand completely, Wrex. Thank you for the reinforcements. I'll send a squadron of fighters to Tuchanka, perhaps some air support will help relieve your troops."

"You scratch my back, I scratch yours. I like it."

"As do I. I know there was some doubt but I'm glad this alliance is working out. This war is shaping up to be longer and crueller than anybody could have imagined."

Wrex laughed bitterly. "That because you nuts never travelled with or believed Shepard. This war's not over yet, and we'll see much worse things before it's over."

"Then I'm glad the krogan are by our side. Thanks again, Wrex. Victus out."

The comm went dark and suddenly Wrex was alone.

It was late on Tuchanka, but it was just as active as ever; after dark was when the beasts naturally came out of hiding to hunt, and not always quietly either. Pyjaks in particular liked coming out at night, since their size made them hard to spot without light. But recently a different type of beast came out to hunt under cover of the night, and so the darkness was filled with echoes of gunfire and battle cries.

Yet something had changed on Tuchanka. A new feeling had risen and settled into even the most ferocious of krogan hearts – hope. Hope for the future, and hope for the krogan species.

Wrex checked reports on his console, always slightly annoyed whenever he did because waging war involved more writing than fighting for leaders. He read up on Grunt's condition before exiting the room and getting into a tomkah to head home.

He needed Arlakh Company back in action desperately, but like a doting mother Shepard had put her foot down and insisted Grunt needed to be cleared for the field by his doctor before shipping out again. Wrex supposed in some ways Shepard could count as Grunt's mother, but he respected her too much to question the 'order' – he knew she just wanted all of her friends to make it through this war in one piece. Mordin's sacrifice had affected Shepard (and Wrex) more than either of them cared to admit, so he supposed her concern for Grunt's condition was more than justified.

Besides, motherly (or in his case fatherly) instinct was something he could relate to now, because despite everything that had happened in his past, Wrex was going to be a father soon.

As much as Wrex hated to admit it, as much as he disliked being behind the scenes more often than on the frontlines, he knew he was where he needed to be. Especially now that the new hope of the krogan could be used to finally unite them all and bring them to a new golden era, but more so that Wrex had a brood of eggs back home to look after.

Bakara had fallen into a leadership role naturally. She was singlehandedly bringing together clans that had barely spoken in centuries and Wrex was proud to have her by his side, making the reunification of the krogan clans look as easy as pyjak hunting. She was out more than he was, travelling to different valleys and garnering more troops, more support, for the grander unified krogan army that Wrex was putting together. He had to admit; he didn't know what he would do without Bakara and her inspiring, enigmatic spirit.

Tonight she was returning home from the former Republic of Ghurst, which was why Wrex had been distracted. He was anxious for whatever news Bakara would bring, but also anxious to see her. He wondered if this was what it was like for Kaidan, who Wrex used to tease about Shepard a lot. Wrex wondered how he would feel if someone was teasing _him_.

He didn't have much time to wonder, though, because the tomkah came to a stop and the door opened.

Bakara's scent reached his nose before her figure reached his eyes.

"Wrex."

"Bakara," he smiled, despite himself.

* * *

 _Purgatory, the Citadel_

"Piss off."

Jack flipped off yet another person trying to hit on her that night. Just because her fashion sense was what some considered revealing didn't mean she was always looking for _that_.

Quite on the contrary: she was actually here to work. A nightclub might be the opposite of an ideal office, but Jack liked coming down here to write reports. The thumping music kept her awake, the low lighting made her feel cosy, and now that she had a pay check in her own name she could have her own bar tab instead of mooching off someone else's. But mostly she enjoyed sitting here in a corner of Purgatory because, strangely, she liked being around people, even if she wasn't interacting with them. It was a strange feeling to Jack because she'd been alone for most of her life, but being on the Normandy had made her used to having people around her. She felt less lonely that way.

Not that she _was_ alone. Jack had her students with her usually, and she couldn't be more proud of them. Sure, she was harsh on them and sometimes they could be pretty useless, but they were young and full of potential. They fit right into their support role for now, and Jack was pleased with the work they were doing.

That didn't mean she didn't worry every time Rodriguez or anyone else held up a barrier for a soldier on the field. If anything happened to her kids…

She shook away the thought as she gestured for the bartender to send a waitress with a fresh drink.

"The next round is on me."

A 'fuck off' already on her lips, Jack turned to the newcomer but couldn't manage more than a ' _ffff_.'

Who would have guessed that Miranda Lawson would be standing over her table?

"If it isn't the cheerleader!"

Miranda sat down without invitation and smirked at Jack. "Nice to see you too, Jack."

Jack eyed the ex-Cerberus operative curiously. She wore coloured contact lenses that gave her brown eyes instead of blue and her hair was pulled up into a low hat that cast a shadow over her face. She had ditched the cat suit – instead she wore loose-fitting clothes that looked more like something Shepard would wear than Miranda.

She raised an eyebrow at Miranda. "What's with the new look?"

"Laying low," Miranda shrugged, pulling off her cap and tossing her hair loose. "The Illusive Man has eyes and ears in a lot of places and I'm trying not to be on his radar."

Jack scoffed. "Hah! I'm pretty sure I'm high up on his wanted list too, and you don't see me trying to hide."

Miranda remained nonchalant. "I don't have an overcharged biotic amp." She said nothing and watched as a waitress put two drinks in front of them. "Besides, nothing about you is covert," she added after the waitress left.

"Ah," Jack took a sip of the pink drink. "And you are?"

"You're asking me, when you're the one who set off a nuclear bomb on a wild-life inhabited planet?"

"I'm not the space diva."

"And I'm not the drama queen." Miranda put down her drink and pulled her lips into an imitation of Jack's sneer. "I'm going to smear the walls with you!"

Jack blinked at Miranda for a moment before allowing herself an entertained grin. "Gotta work on your acting, cheerleader."

Miranda tossed back the rest of her drink before gesturing at the bartender again. "If you think that was me _trying_ , you wouldn't know good acting if it hit you in the face."

"Oh _please_ , if you're going to demonstrate I'd rather see an elcor stage production."

"That can be arranged," Miranda pointed out. The waitress brought another round of drinks and Miranda took a sip before speaking again. "So what are you doing in Purgatory? I thought you'd become a respectable member of society with a job now. Don't you have work tomorrow?"

Jack narrowed her eyes. "How would you know that?"

"Jack, I might not be with Cerberus anymore but intel is still my job. Except now it's also vitally important to my survival."

She sniffed, taking a sip of her drink before answering Miranda's question. "None of your business."

Miranda laughed. "That's alright. I can tell those are reports on that datapad so, interestingly, you came here to do work."

"Try and tell me my business one more time. I dare you." Jack's hand started glowing faintly blue.

"Relax," Miranda threw up her hands in a peaceful gesture. "I'm not here to pick a fight. I'm here for a drink so if you want me to leave you alone, I'll go."

Jack frowned at her, taken aback by her candidness. Miranda had always been frank, particularly with her opinion of Jack, but the way she spoke now left Jack regretting being so rude – especially when Miranda didn't even wait for a response and started to leave.

"Wait, Miranda," Jack called. Miranda raised an eyebrow at her. "You can stay."

Miranda half-smiled at her and sat back down. "Thanks."

She took another sip of her drink. "So why come down here for a drink? No fancier bars up in the Presidium, or would that 'risk your cover?'"

"Believe it or not," Miranda smirked, "I actually came out here to be around people. _Lively_ people. And I don't really care about my cover at the moment, because I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Where are you going?"

Miranda sighed and took a long gulp from her glass. "I've got some unfinished business," she said finally.

Jack eyed her carefully. Miranda's usual stoic façade was cracking slightly.

"Something tells me this isn't the fun kind of business."

Another silence in which Miranda paused to drink. "Let's just say I'm not too sure I'll be back from this trip."

In that moment Miranda looked so concerned, Jack didn't know what came over her. She stowed away her datapad and stood up from the table. _Christ, what am I doing?_ She muttered under her breath. Out loud, she had to raise her voice over the suddenly louder music track. "Come on, cheerleader."

"What?" Miranda looked completely taken aback.

Jack pulled Miranda up by her shoulder and started guiding her to the bar. "You're going to have some fun before your trip. And if you survive tonight, _when_ you get back we'll go for round two."

Miranda's competitive smirk was suddenly back as Jack ordered them several shots from the bartender. "You're on."

* * *

 **A/N: I love the idea of stay-at-home dad Wrex, and Bakara is just so awesome. Also I hope my Jackanda isn't showing through too much…**

 **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


	15. Chapter 15: Seven Devils

**A/N: This chapter and the next were actually the first chapter I wrote for this fic (they were originally one), even though it has gone through enormous revisions and additions more than twice. Thessia for me was one of the biggest plot holes in ME3, and where I started planning my non-canon compliant ending. So if you see any mistakes it's because this was first written a long time ago and I don't have a beta reader!**

 **Also, wow, sorry, I did not intend for the first half of the chapter to turn out so fluffy. Obviously the date is a more recent addition...**

 **Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect, chapter title from Florence + the Machine song (it's my Thessia aesthetic/soundtrack, I listen to it every time I play that mission)**

* * *

 _Chapter 15: Seven Devils_

' _Level Two – Citadel Embassies,'_ the VI hummed as the elevator door hissed open.

The embassies were busy. Thanks to the post-coup repairs and increased influx of refugees from across the galaxy, resources were limited and the situation hadn't improved much during the Normandy's time in the Perseus Veil. Aurelia ducked through the crowd and headed to Udina's old office for her meeting with Councillor Tevos, keeping her head low as to not be seen. She bounded up the stairs two at a time and as soon as she entered the office was immediately greeted by a swarm of C-Sec officers.

Councillor Tevos spotted her immediately and waved her over. "Commander, thank you for coming."

"Councillor. How is the investigation?" She gestured around her to the officers inspecting Udina's things.

"Slow. We are still unsure of how he was able to plan the coup without our knowledge, but we'll find any security leaks and seal them."

Aurelia nodded. "You said you had some classified information for me?"

Tevos guided Shepard out onto the balcony, making sure they were out of earshot of the officers. "Your 'Crucible' project, you believe it is still missing a piece, correct? The one called the 'Catalyst?'"

Aurelia frowned, narrowing her eyes. "Do you know something, Councillor?"

"We may not know what or where it is, but there is a highly-confidential prothean artefact hidden in a temple on Thessia that may be of use. The Reapers have arrived, and we can no longer get it out ourselves. I was hoping you would try." The Councillor pulled out her omni-tool and transmitted some data to Aurelia's. "The temple is at these coordinates, a team of scientists is there and will assist you."

Shepard felt the sour taste of anger seeping into her mouth. "With all due respect Councillor, why are you only revealing this information to me now? I showed you the plans for the Crucible weeks ago."

"Commander… politics are a dangerous game. I don't expect you to understand – you're a soldier, an extremely loyal one, and you've been building bridges and alliances we once thought never possible." She shifted her weight uneasily. "Sometimes even our allies have their own agenda. But the Reapers threaten the balance of our galaxy, and with the situation on Thessia growing worse each day we're now prepared to give you our full support with the Crucible project. If some of the finest minds in the galaxy think it can work, I speak for all asari when I say we want to help."

"I…" Aurelia sighed. "I'll see what I can do, Councillor."

Aurelia moved to leave but was halted by Tevos' hand. "More lives depend on you than any soul should have to bear." Tevos couldn't meet her eyes and instead placed a hand on her shoulder, lowering her voice. "My prayers are with you."

"Thank you."

Unsure of what else to say, Aurelia ducked out of the office. Besides, she had a date to attend before the Normandy headed back to reality and she didn't want to be late.

Kaidan had instructed Aurelia to come to Apollo's Café after she was done with her meeting, which she guessed meant he would be waiting for her. She felt a little guilty for going out and shirking her responsibilities, even just for a meal, but she needed a break and spending it with Kaidan was one of the best ways she could think of. She deserved to be a little greedy and take what she wanted from time to time, right?

Aurelia paused at the balcony overlooking the Presidium Commons. Though the coup had taken its toll on the Citadel, people were still living like there was no war – fine dining, watching new vids, partying at Purgatory, and even doing some high-end shopping. Practically the only evidence that there even _was_ a war were the refugees stashed away in refugee camps down at the docks. But Aurelia couldn't judge these people here in the Commons. After all, she was here to do the same thing – forget, even just for a little while.

She spotted Kaidan easily from the balcony. His back was towards her and he was sitting in a corner table, intently bent over a datapad with his glasses balanced on his nose and an empty mug of coffee in front of him. She grinned to herself, taking a moment to appreciate the view – he was leaning on his elbows, which were propped on the table, making his back and shoulder muscles flex attractively. The silver specks in his black hair reflected the bright 'sunlight' of the Presidium, and Aurelia wanted nothing more than to run her fingers through it.

As she approached quietly, she did just that.

"Fancy running into you here, Major," she said as she slid a hand through his hair, displacing his glasses.

Kaidan instinctively bat her hand away while she laughed and took the seat adjacent to him, before he tried to smooth out his curls into some sort of order again.

"Why do you do that?" He playfully pouted at Aurelia as he gave up on his hair, earning him another laugh.

"Because I like your hair," she teased.

Kaidan grinned right back at her. "It's worth it if it gets you to smile."

"So is that permission to ruffle up your hair?"

"Occasionally."

"Great," she smiled again but then sighed. "Well, the meeting with Tevos was –"

"Nuh-uh," Kaidan interrupted. "Nope. We can talk about that later. We're having a break."

Aurelia raised an eyebrow at him. "You're not curious?"

"You'll tell me later," he said as he gestured at a waiter to bring them menus. "Sanity check, remember?"

"I thought you said date," she joked.

Kaidan shrugged and handed her a menu that the turian waiter had just brought them. "Date, break, sanity check, brief escape, whatever you want to call it. I'm just here to spend time with Aurelia, not Commander Shepard." He looked up and half-smiled at her for a moment before turning his attention back to the menu. "So what do you think? I want a nice glass of whiskey on the rocks and a juicy steak medium-rare. Think they'll have it?"

Aurelia rolled her eyes. "They're more likely to have batarian shard wine and asari gumbo than any of that."

"It was worth a shot," he chuckled. "So how about a bottle of Thessian red and this 'Earth specialty' dish?"

Shepard glanced down at the menu and laughed quietly at the dish listed: ramen.

"Actually a hearty bowl of soup and ramen sounds pretty good right now."

"Anything for you," he replied with a wink before waving over the waiter and ordering. He set his glasses on the table and placed his hand down palm-up, an obvious invitation that Aurelia accepted without hesitation.

She couldn't remember if they'd ever done something like this in public, and guessed not – the last time they'd eaten out together was in a small discreet restaurant somewhere in the Wards three years ago. Even then, they'd never dared to hold hands in public for fear of being caught and facing the gavel for breaking regs. Aurelia guessed that neither of them gave a damn anymore.

It was freeing, she had to admit.

"What are you thinking about?"

Aurelia realised she'd been staring at their hands and was brought out of her thoughts by Kaidan's voice.

"I'm just thinking that this is nice." She paused. "Extra nice is the big middle finger to the fraternisation regs," she added with a sheepish grin.

"Well, they definitely need you so you're fine. And I've always got a job with the Council to fall back on," he joked.

"Kaidan," Aurelia frowned. "Your name carries as much weight as mine, now. You're needed just as much, if not more, than I am."

Kaidan waited for the waiter to place a bottle and two glasses on the table before letting go of Aurelia's hand and pouring them each a glass. "I think several species would disagree, but that means a lot to me, Shep, coming from you. Thank you."

He handed her a glass that she took and held up to toast. "To you," she said.

"And to you," he responded as he clinked his glass with hers.

"In all honesty," she said after the first sip, "who cares what the Alliance thinks? I'm ready for retirement after this. I've done enough."

"You've done way more than enough, Aurelia."

She ran a finger around the rim of her glass. "I guess we're old soldiers now, huh?"

"Some older than others," he said while nodding at his glasses.

Aurelia giggled, her head already feeling a little light because of the wine and her empty stomach. "Just because I took a nap for two years doesn't mean I didn't age."

"What? I'm sorry, this old man is having trouble hearing you."

They laughed and both sipped at their wine, which Aurelia had to admit was better than she expected. She wondered if it was too much to buy a crate for the Normandy.

"Well, it's nothing like what we make at the vineyard but it'll do," Kaidan commented.

"Right, your family vineyard. I'll be expecting a bottle of your finest after this is over."

"We'll use the entire cellar worth of wine for the party after this is over, I promise."

Aurelia smirked. "I'll hold you to that, Alenko."

Kaidan shrugged in surrender and took another sip of wine. "I'm a man of my word, Shepard. Try me all you want."

She followed suit, smiling into her glass of wine. The waiter appeared with their food, and they ate in amicable silence for a few minutes. She hesitated before speaking again, wondering if it was appropriate to ask.

"How are your parents?"

"Mum's fine," Kaidan said, suddenly avoiding her gaze. "She got to the vineyard and is holed up there. It's fairly remote, too, so she'll be okay. Dad… dad joined the resistance. The group he joined, his unit, has been MIA for a few weeks."

"Kaidan," she took his hand, "I'm so sorry."

He looked up at her and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "It's okay, don't worry about it. I've got people tracking down his unit. Liara, too."

Aurelia cursed internally at herself – what kind of girlfriend (lover? Partner? What could she call herself?) was she if Liara knew about this before she did? Why hadn't she asked Kaidan earlier?

A finger reached out and softly poked the tip of her nose. "Don't worry about it, Aurelia. You've got so much on your plate, I didn't want to bring it up."

"That's not the point, Kaidan," she frowned. "I should be there for you, and I haven't."

"Aurelia, love, you don't need to do anything for me. I'm an old man, remember?" He lifted her hand that was gripped around his and planted a kiss on it. "You have so many other things to worry about, let me not be one of them?"

She held his gaze for a minute, seeing nothing but sincerity in them.

"Why are you so good to me?"

He smiled at her – a warm, loving smile that made Aurelia melt. "Because I'm lucky enough for you to give me the time of day."

Aurelia wasn't sure if it was the conversation or the wine, but she leaned over the table and gave him a soft, quick kiss.

" _I'm_ the lucky one. I love you, Kaidan."

* * *

As usual, Aurelia couldn't sleep more than a handful of hours before being rudely thrown out of her sleep by yet another nightmare.

This time she'd been back on Rannoch, back with Tali and Legion on that cliff. But the scene was very different from what actually happened: it was dark, the trio were surrounded by oily shadows, and Aurelia had been powerless to watch the Reaper decimate the quarian and geth fleets. Legion deactivated with the rest of the geth servers, and Tali threw herself over the cliff, devastated at the loss of her people.

When Aurelia woke up her pillow was wet and she realised she'd been crying. What had Mordin said to her, so long ago? ' _High stress levels to be expected, but bad for mental health in the long-term?_ ' Was she finally seeing these effects?

To distract and remind herself it was a nightmare – that that wasn't actually how things had happened – she was sifting through her personal console instead, trying not to work herself up. Currently Aurelia was perusing through some intel Glyph had forwarded to her, which included messages exchanged between engineers working on the Crucible. While she was at first unsure about Liara's new chosen profession, given the reputation of the Shadow Broker, she was appreciative of it now. _Especially_ when she encountered funny messages like the professor who received sixteen tonnes of platinum 'from the Shadow Broker' and was now checking their computer for bugs. Liara was crafty like that, and Aurelia guessed that Liara had had a laugh at Professor T'Kisha's reaction too.

She sighed, resting her head in her hands. Exhaustion weighed heavily on her eyelids and she let go, dozing off there on her desk for who knows how long, only to be woken up by EDI's voice.

"Commander, ETA to Thessia is about one hour."

She sighed, rotating her head to stretch out her sore neck and doing the same with her wrists; a reminder that it wasn't the best idea to sleep at her desk. "Thanks, EDI. Have Javik and Kaidan meet me in the shuttle bay."

"Of course."

Kaidan met her when the elevator stopped at Deck 3, and he greeted her with a warm smile. She could see the concern in his eyes but she was grateful when he didn't mention it. "Saving another planet, eh Commander?"

She smiled at him, unable to resist how he made her feel. "It's all in a day's work, Major."

When they got to the shuttle bay Javik was already suited up, and James was waiting for her in protest.

"You _gotta_ take me on the ground team for this mission, Lola!"

Steve coughed as he climbed into the Kodiak. "James, you're only saying that because it's the asari home world."

"No I'm not," James spat in Steve's direction. "Come _on_ , Lola! I'm itching to shoot some Reaper forces!"

"James, I've made my decision."

Kaidan and Aurelia strapped on their armour, ignoring James' protests, while Javik watched in the corner. She swore she heard Javik chuckle a few times, and she could tell why – it must have been comical to see a burly marine as large as Vega begging someone practically half his size. Of course Javik found everything the 'primitives' did either strange or funny, but if Aurelia were in his shoes she'd probably be laughing right now too.

Shepard sighed, finishing up the last clasps on her armour. "James, this is Thessia we're talking about. I have no doubt that there will be banshees down there, so I'd prefer biotics for this one."

James picked up her visor and pondered her words while waiting for Shepard to tie up her hair. He only spoke after he handed her the visor and she put it on. "Alright well, next one I'm coming with too," he conceded.

She opened her mouth to reply but was suddenly interrupted by a frantic Liara storming out of the elevator.

"Shepard, this is Thessia! This is _my_ home! I demand to accompany you on this mission!"

James and Kaidan looked at each other, unsure of what to do. Obviously they'd never seen Liara lose her cool like this before, and Aurelia had to admit she hadn't either – not even after Matriarch Benezia's death.

Shepard glanced around the armoury, sighing when she realised she wouldn't be getting any support from any of the men around her. "Fine. Kaidan, stand down. Liara, put on your armour."

Kaidan tried to protest. "But –"

" _No buts_! This is a highly sensitive retrieval mission, which is why I want a small ground team. I need _everyone_ to stop fucking complaining!" Her voice was angrier than she expected it to be, and combined with the harsh red light her visor cast on her face it had the effect she desired; everyone finally shut up.

She took a deep breath. This was just a mission to fight through some Reaper troops and pick up an artefact. _It can't be too complicated, can it?_

* * *

Aurelia had never been more wrong. Thessia was a complete disaster.

The small squad was overrun by Reaper forces right from the get-go. Battling through husks, marauders, brutes, banshees and cannibals before they even reached what was left of Outpost Tykis, their air support from Talon Five was taken down quickly by the appearance of harvesters. Their only saving grace was that the airship distracted the Reaper forces long enough for them to reach the temple – where they quickly discovered the dead scientists.

"Well," Aurelia remarked dryly. "Looks like we'll be finding the artefact on our own."

She gestured at Javik and Liara to fan out and inspect the different religious items scattered throughout the temple, since they didn't really have any idea exactly _what_ the artefact they were looking for was. Aurelia followed behind them slowly, something pulling at her mind and a strange energy making her spine tingle. It felt… familiar. She couldn't quite put a name to the feeling so she dismissed it as nerves and adrenaline, a reaction to their perilous journey to get to the temple.

Javik was snarkier than usual today. Aurelia knew he loved to make Liara's life difficult, rebuffing her interview attempts and pretty much always disappointing her expectations of what she once called the gracious prothean race, but today he seemed particularly insistent on driving her up the wall; as they inspected each relic, he suggested (rather insistently) that it was evidence for the protheans' uplifting of the asari.

"What you're suggesting is preposterous!"

"Do not dismiss the idea so quickly, asari. You know it is entirely possible, much like your friends the salarians uplifted the krogan."

Aurelia was tired of their bickering and interrupted them. "Javik will you _please_ can it?"

He shot Aurelia a look but he listened, and for once Shepard was glad he was a soldier and not a scientist – Javik respected chain of command and was well aware who was in charge here. But there was something in his eyes that she could recognise, past the annoyance; her own uneasy feeling about the temple's energy was reflected in his eyes, and it took her a moment to put the two and two together.

"Javik, you feel that too?"

A nod cemented her suspicions. "It is strongest by the central statue. I think that may be what we're looking for."

Aurelia rushed over to the statue, climbing onto the altar at the base of the statue to get as close as she could. Javik was right; the energy was strongest here, and she could finally place where she'd felt like this before.

"It's a beacon. The statue is a beacon!"

"Shepard, are you sure?" Liara asked incredulously.

She turned to Liara. "You don't forget that feeling. And Javik felt it too. We need to find some way to trigger –"

The ground shook briefly and she turned to Javik, who was stood next to a mural. "I found one trigger."

"Good. Let's look around for another one."

Shepard and Javik made their way around the room while Liara, perplexed by the statue, remained at the altar.

"Amazing, Shepard! It seems to think you're a prothean! It _must_ be the Cipher you received on Feros!"

Javik was quicker than Shepard to offer up a response. "Or, it could be the prothean standing right here."

His retort fired up the quarrel between them again, causing them to pause the search for the second trigger and yell back-and-forth for a few minutes.

"I don't believe a word of what you are saying!"

"Don't believe, or don't want to believe? Or maybe you're upset that your government did not involve you in this?"

"SHUT UP!" Shepard cut them both off, mid-argument. "Both of you, enough! Have you not seen how many good soldiers lay down their lives for us to get here? Just focus, and find the triggers for the beacon!"

Momentarily startled by Aurelia's outburst, Liara and Javik stopped fighting to continue making their way around the room.

 _Keep it together, Aurelia_ , she whispered to herself. _Just activate the beacon and you're home free._

Javik's voice echoed around the chamber, grabbing her attention. "Commander, I am sensing something from this sword over here. Perhaps it is the second trigger?"

Aurelia jogged over to him, feeling the weird energy around the sword he'd mentioned – why didn't she notice it earlier?

"Thank you, Javik," she nodded. "Now we just need to figure out how to –"

He pulled the sword from its stand and almost instantaneously the statue of Athame came crumbling down and uncovered the beacon underneath.

"Javik, you really need to stop interrupting me."

"Acknowledged, Commander."

The trio sprinted to the beacon, witnessing some sort of spherical, glowing VI interface emerge from it. The altar below the statue glowed brightly, revealing itself as some sort of console connected to the beacon.

"Obtaining chronological marker, hold… timescale established. Post-prothean cycle confirmed."

Shepard looked at Javik, who appeared stunned. "It's… one of our computers."

"ALERT: Reaper presence detected. This cycle has reached its extinction terminus. Shutting down."

The VI started to retreat back into the beacon, but Liara yelled for it to stop. "Hold on! We need answers!"

It halted in its tracks. "To what question?"

Aurelia chimed in this time. "The Catalyst. We need to know what it is to finish the Crucible."

The VI changed form into something shaped like a prothean. "I am Vendetta, an advanced virtual construct. I am afraid I cannot help you. Your cycle is coming to an end."

Her patience started waning again. _I am way too hot-headed these days…_ "You must help! There's still hope for this cycle! We need to know what the Catalyst is so we can _break_ the cycle! We found your plans for the weapon, the Crucible, and it's almost finished construction!"

"The weapon you call the Crucible is not of prothean design. It has been passed down from cycle to cycle, and thus far none have been successful in defeating the Reapers with it."

"Help us be the first."

"The human can be trusted," Javik stated. Shepard nodded at him, grateful for the support.

Vendetta turned to face Javik. "I detect you are Prothean."

Javik looked at the VI, his expression grim. "The last. I wish to avenge our people."

Vendetta paused for a few seconds, as if contemplating. "Do you believe this cycle can deliver retribution?"

Javik glanced at Shepard and then Liara before turning back to Vendetta. "I believe they have earned the right to try."

"Very well." Vendetta turned back to Aurelia. "Although our cycle was never sure what the Catalyst was, our engineers had reason to believe that it was the Citadel."

"The _Citadel_?!" Liara's voice sounded as shocked as Aurelia felt.

"Correct. We believed that its shape and power would serve to enhance dark energy emissions in a satellite-like manner, coordinating with the mass relay network to extend its range. By the time we had realised this, it was already too late. A small, indoctrinated faction had released our intentions to the Reapers. However, if you have followed the plans for the Crucible, I can interface with your systems to –" the VI turned around before suddenly retreating back into its spherical shape and towards the beacon. "Indoctrinated presence detected. Activating security protocols."

Aurelia's gaze followed Vendetta. "Wait!"

The sound of metal against metal, of a sword being unsheathed, resonated around the temple. "Thank you for getting the information for me, Commander."

She turned back around, feeling sick at the sight of the assassin. "Kai Leng…"

He smirked at her, slowly approaching them. Liara and Javik pulled out their guns, but he wasn't interested in them; his shields were strong enough to deflect anything before he could counter attack.

Leng's gaze was solely on Aurelia. "You've made my job a lot easier. Now I don't have to bypass all of his security protocols. Now I can just make sure none of you leave this temple."

Shepard clenched her fist. "Why is Cerberus doing this? Why are you working _against_ us when we should be working _together_?"

His smile just widened at the Commander's confusion. "That is a question you'd have to ask the Illusive Man, Commander. And, unfortunately, you will never be able to."

In one swift movement, he threw his sword as if it were a javelin. Her reflexes weren't slower than his and immediately her instinctive biotic barrier flared up around her. However, Aurelia realised too late that he wasn't aiming for _her_ – his sword flew right past her and towards the console behind her.

Aurelia's concentration wavered as she turned to the console. She looked on helplessly, a split second too late in trying to biotically throw the sword out of the way, and watched as it easily sliced through the console before lodging itself in the beacon. Electric sparks flew out in every direction before the console made a _fzzt_ sound and blacked out, and though Aurelia was no tech expert she could recognise when something was irreparable. The console's destruction set off a chain reaction in the beacon and it burst in the same manner as the one back on Eden Prime all those years ago.

 _Shit_.

Barely a few seconds had passed, but already gunfire had already erupted behind her as Liara and Javik shot at Kai Leng's nimble figure.

Aurelia hardly heard them. She felt the blood drain from her face as she watched the beacon shatter, with it her hopes, into pieces. Yes, they had the information, but could they use it without Vendetta's help? Could the Crucible's engineers figure it out without the prothean VI?

Even if it was a strange technology, they had to try. This _couldn't_ be the end.

"SHEPARD!"

Liara's scream brought her attention back to the situation at hand and she swivelled around on her heels, pulling out her pistol with her right hand in a smooth, synchronised movement.

It wasn't until the bullet embedded in her left arm that she realised her shield and barrier had depleted while she'd been distracted.

Aurelia threw up a biotic barrier again and lunged for cover behind one of the stone benches in the temple. Her jump was clumsy and she hit her jaw roughly, and the taste of blood filled her mouth. She cursed loudly and flipped over, leaning against the bench but keeping her head low, as she took a second to assess the damage on her arm.

Either Kai Leng was an excellent shot or extremely lucky because the bullet had somehow found its way to the weak point in her armour, the joint between her shoulder guard and bicep plating, and was now wedged near her underarm. To make matters worse, the gun was apparently powerful enough to fracture her armour because a second bullet had cracked the plating surrounding her bicep, making it press against her muscles uncomfortably. Though Aurelia wouldn't be feeling uncomfortable for long because numbness started to spread down her arm and it went limp. At least it wasn't bleeding so much…

She cursed again. Her arm would be useless until she could get medical attention.

The assassin barked some orders into his comm. "Target the supports! Destroy the temple! _Bury them alive._ "

"I'm gonna fucking _kill you_ , Kai Leng!" She yelled from her position of safety.

He laughed, his voice retreating as he made his way towards the entrance. "I'd like to see you try!"

Too pissed to care about her arm anymore, she emerged from behind the bench covered in blue energy, ready to warp the shit out of him with her good arm. Almost as if on cue, a Cerberus gunship appeared at the entrance of the temple and Kai Leng started climbing on.

He yelled one last taunt at her. "Cerberus thanks you for your service!"

The gunship started barraging them with missiles.

Ready this time, Aurelia channelled the energy she was going to use on the warp into creating a stronger barrier, but the gunship wasn't firing at her.

The first few missiles hit the pillars behind her. The old architecture was weaker than it looked because the pillars came crashing down to reveal a chasm underneath the floor. More pillars crashed onto the floor, widening the hole and causing the weak floor to start crumbling. Shepard sprinted towards the middle of the temple, towards Liara and Javik on the other side, but the floor was crumbling faster than her feet could carry her.

The ground below her gave way.

In panic she thrust her good arm out and was pleasantly surprised to find a hand grabbing it.

"Commander!"

"Javik, watch out for the gunship fire!"

Javik struggled to pull her up. "The asari is putting up a strong barrier for now, let us just get you back up here first!" He heaved again. "You primitives are a lot heavier than you look."

With another pull Javik managed to lift Aurelia high enough for her to crawl onto the floor with her legs. "Is that your way of telling me I'm overweight, Javik?" She had to yell to hear even her own voice in the explosions rocking the temple.

They grabbed Liara and took cover on the other side of the temple, whose floor was still stable.

"I do not understand your cycle's obsession with mass and beauty. Do not ask me such things, Commander."

"Glad to know you have such standards even under fire, Javik," Shepard coughed.

Crouching with Liara next to the wall, their safest bet in this temple of collapsing pillars and floors, Aurelia funnelled her own biotics into the barrier, offering Javik some cover as he moved one of the relic stands towards them to put something between the trio and the barrage of gunfire and missiles from the gunship. Liara visibly winced as whatever object that had been on the stand clattered to the ground and was crushed by a chunk of ceiling.

"Shepard! You're hurt!" Liara finally noticed the cracked armour and small stream of blood dripping out of it. She motioned at Javik, who crouched low behind their new cover and took over keeping up the barrier over their heads. "Let me see."

Liara tore off the cracked armour plate and Aurelia sighed with the partial relief it brought. She could feel _something_ in her arm again, but it was still not fully functional.

"Shepard the bullet is in deep, I can't do much about it. I can only patch up the wound with medi-gel until we get back to the ship."

" _If_ we get back to the ship," Javik quipped as he lowered the barrier. His voice was suspiciously clear, and Shepard realised the explosions had stopped.

"Why have they stopped firing at us?"

Javik stood up. "Because they think they have buried us."

Shepard sat up and peered around their cover, her heart sinking. All around their little bubble of cover, where there once was an asari temple there was now only debris.

* * *

 **A/N:** **Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!**


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